Shadows
We were in a store looking at Olympics gear memorabilia. Den spotted the rack of Canada baby onesies. “This is cute!” he said. “I’m surprized you haven’t already bought one!”
I looked over at the rack and pointed to the size tag. The smallest things were 18M. “She wouldn’t fit into them for like two years.” We both stopped at the rack holding miniature-sized Canada hockey jerseys to match the one I had already bought for Denis. It was in size 24M. “Now if Devin were here, I’d totally get it, this would fit him.”
There was that moment of silence between us – only a split-second, but there. I really can’t picture Devin older, fitting into a toddler jersey. But at the same time there’s a shadow that follows us around. In that moment we both saw it.
I see those shadows too. It doesn’t help that our friends here have a son who is 2 weeks younger than Cora would be. ((though he’s a boy, so that DOES help)). And then my best friend’s baby.
Sometimes it just springs out at you. ((hugs)) I think you should buy it anyway. =Þ
Buy it anyway. Things shrink and baby clothes sizing makes no sense most of time. My son is running in clothes that are technically two years too big for him.
And little girls like hockey too 8-)
I buy it, put it in a bag and give it to the local school for unwed mothers.
It’s a tiny bit a balm over what still seems to be a huge wound.
I’m sorry.
Seeing clothes like this and then wondering about the what if’s are hard. When all those cute little outfits were coming out (around X-mas), I would stop and think “if only…”
It’s been almost seven months and I now see the 6-9 months (especially the V days outfits and now St. Patricks Day). It’s so hard but like you said, it’s like a shadow following you.
Don’t think of it as a shadow that lingers… but his light that you still carry within. There’s always gonna be something there, that was your son, is your son, always will be your son.
<3 <3