Legs and Photo Dilemmas
My biggest physical complaint right now has to be my legs. They are aching like hell. I’ve mentioned how my calves and feet like to cramp up, but this is something more. It’s as if my muscles are right on the edge of cramping at all times, without actually doing it. They go numb really quickly when I make the mistake of sitting cross-legged or tucking a foot under like I often do. (My chiropractor would tsk at me for doing those things anyways, but it is normally comfortable.)
The past week has been the worst, they just constantly aching, I’m always trying to rub them as if to get life back into them and stop them from hurting. It’s even made it hard to sleep, because I’m just not comfortable no matter what, so I’m short on sleep and getting a little bit short-tempered because of it.
Today when I got home from work I quickly drew myself a warm bath (which is a first for me, having a hot bath without having to boil water on the stove. Even though the fucking boiler was giving an error code again, the hot water tank held plenty enough for a bath, thank the light). Not scalding hot, of course, and only enough to cover my legs, not the belly. It didn’t do a lot, but it did help.
Since this all started about the same time I started drinking a lot of milk again I’m pretty certain it’s no calcium deficiency, but it might be related to not enough water intake (I’m drinking so much milk instead). I think I’m going to have to work on finding a balance.
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This week I had people over to the house. Almost all were friends who know my whole story, but not necessarily friends who have ever seen Devin’s picture. As we were feverishly cleaning the house I started thinking about Devin’s shelf in our living room, and the picture of him displayed on it. The rest of the shelf gives me no pause whatsoever, it is sweet and simple. I love my pregnant-me picture, Devin’s ultrasound picture, his little train piggy bank. But the picture of him, my sweet little boy after his birth… I know how some people feel about pictures “like that.” I don’t carry his picture in my wallet, I don’t proudly show friends and coworkers. Maybe I should – maybe I wish I did. I have his picture on my websites, but that feels different; no one is obligated to say anything at all to me, or even to open the page. But there it sits in our living room, as it is our house and we quite honestly rarely have guests over. But there I was, sitting in my living room, wondering if I was asking too much of people. I contemplated taking it down for the evening to spare myself any stress over it, but ended up just leaving it where it was.
When the day of the party arrived I was far too stressed over cooking and cleaning than to give it a thought. I honestly didn’t think about it at all while people were here. No one said anything, and I didn’t catch any stares. I’m sure some of them didn’t even see it, or didn’t think much about it. All in all the party was a success, guests left tired and happy, and I collapsed on a chair afterwards, looking around my perfectly cleaned living room and thinking about crown molding and ceiling paint.
Then my eyes caught sight of that shelf and for the first time that night I wondered what people think when they see it. I doubt I will ever really know. It must be so different looking in from the outside.
I wonder too. I have Cora’s picture on her shelf, and the only time I’ve ever gotten a comment was when I was talking about her and someone asked “is that her?” When I responded in the affirmative, she said “She looks just like your other kids.”
I, too, wonder what it’s like on “the other side.”
I had restless leg syndrome with my first and I’m at 19w and it is starting to rear its ugly head. It isn’t nearly as bad this time as last. I read it is possibly related to an iron deficiency so I take a supplement at bedtime. An exercise ball helps wonders too. I sit on it instead of the sofa when we watch television. I can sort of roll around and stretch my legs while doing something else. A good stretching session right before you crawl into bed seems to help too. Breathe deep while doing them to lower your risk of cramping. Good luck!!
And I would never apologize or remove Devin’s picture were I you. He is your son and it is your home. Other people honor their children in their homes and there is no reason not to honor yours.
Keep warm!
I had a friend, a co-worker… was about a decade ago. Anyways, her son was stillborn much like yours, and she had absolutely no qualms with carrying his picture and showing it around; who cares what others think? You’ve said it yourself – Devin will always be your first child, and nothing takes that away. It’s wonderful that you honor his memory so, and anyone who thinks it strange is a right jerk.
As for leg cramps… have you tried Icy Hot? That did the trick for me, which sucks a bit – I have a VERY limited supply that I brought over with me when I immigrated, and I can’t easily replace it. Here, there isn’t a combined heat/cold product that I know of, and I’m not about to go mixing Deep Heat and Deep Freeze on my flesh. ><
Magnesium tablets really help leg cramps
Honestly, when I think of my friends or people I know who have lost their babies, I just feel sad. Parents of babies who are gone have told me that they want me to remember their children with happiness because they were so loved. I try really hard to do that, but it’s difficult.
I don’t think you should have to take down a picture of Devin in your own house if you don’t want to.
But of course, I come to this with my own story of loss. Maybe people who haven’t experiences much in the way of loss, or loss involving children, would feel differently.
Our lamaze person told us if you get the REALLY bad leg cramps.. (you’ll know them if you do.. REALLY bad) don’t massage it. It will make it worse. Turn your toes up and stretch. Never stretch with toes down. I lived in fear of stretching like that by accident for weeks.
Oh cares what ppl think. We still have your holiday card so that we can have Devin on our fridge with Evie and others.
This is the most honest, uncomplicated response I can give you, but it’s not from me, it’s from my 5 year old.
She saw the photo of Devin and said “Awww, so cute.”
He’s a beautiful baby, YOUR baby, YOUR son. I see nothing wrong with having his photo out.
This sounds really counterintuitive, but could you do some really simple, on the floor, leg-stretches a few times a day? Or a quick walk? Just get the circulation running through them?
I’m glad you left the picture up. We have two of Maddy in our family room, and they’ve just become part of the landscape for me so I really don’t even think about it anymore when people come over. I guess I don’t care what they think.
i’m just echoing the magnesium reccommendation, try some bananas too for the pottasium. hope it helps!
i’m sure your guests didn’t think anything of Devin’s photo aside from, ‘so that’s Devin’ kwim? that’s what i would’ve thought. :)
Sorry to learn about your leg aches. Sounds uncomfortable! Hope you find some relief soon.
The picture thing is tough to navigate, but I think you’ve done the right thing by sharing his photos and memorabilia.
Bananas. Try bananas for your legs. They really helped me when my legs cramped. Mine cramped so bad that I could hardly walk.