I am so excited! Baby’s kicks are getting stronger every day – this evening I got two really nice, very unmistakable pops on my right, similar to what I believe Devin’s first kicks felt like (well, the first kicks of his that I recognized, at least). Devin’s first kick was at 17w3d. And today I am 17w2d. But unlike then, when it was just that one, I am feeling a lot of movement now. Before the kicks I felt a lot of that pressure-rolling-ball-in-my-belly feelings that I get when baby is active and moving and stretching forward. I’m also pretty sure I felt some bumps while I was at work, sitting down. I do have to be laying down in bed to feel the big movements, though.

My belly feels very heavy today. Lots of discomfort, some stretching/ligament pains, and mostly just a full tenderness in my lower belly. My under-belly pants felt uncomfortable today, I didn’t want anything pressing on me at all. It may be time to switch to all over-belly pants. It’s not a sharp, “bad” pain, that much I know… just a gurgly, gassy, stretching discomfort. Things are growing. It’s all good… I just made some faces while sitting there.

We are having some cold, cold weather here in new england. It is making my life more difficult because the snow that is still on the ground is frozen – but at least the driveways and walkways are completely clear. The cold itself is hard, though, mostly on my feet and legs. I go to bed every night with a microwaved heat pack down at my feet, to stave off the inevitable foot cramps I get every night. It actually seems to work pretty well at preventing the worst of them. I wish we had a hot tub right now, just to dangle my feet in. Every year I forget how cold I get during the winter… being pregnant doesn’t seem to help much, if at all. I will not be the pregnant lady wearing t-shirts all winter, I can tell you that right now. I’m the one shivering in my maternity turtlenecks.

::

Zeeke, our shepherd, had terrible separation anxiety when we first got him. He was a year old when we adopted him from a local shelter. His previous owner had dropped him off there and never looked back. Granted some days I can see WHY, but still. I don’t know if he was always anxious or if it was triggered by being dumped, but it was horrible. He’d just panic. One time a front window was open and Zeeke busted the screen trying to get out, just because we stepped out front and closed the door. One of the reasons we got him a crate was because every day when we’d leave the house for work or whatever he’d freak out and start destroying furniture….. just because his anxiety was SO high. At least the crate calmed him down a lot, though it took a while. Now he’s 6 years old and we’re finally able to leave him out of his crate when we’re at work. We do lock the dogs in the bedroom to contain them, but both dogs now just sleep on our bed while we’re gone. A far cry from the dog who would howl and throw himself at doors and windows when left alone.

But… it still definitely resurfaces from time to time. The poor guy is feeling just so vulnerable right now. He’s scared daddy might never come home. For several years Zeeke wasn’t allowed up on the bed – unless Den was out of town. Then Zeeke got a free pass to the bed, because it’s the only thing that seems to calm him down. Currently Zeeke is asleep next to me on the bed, head on the corner of my pillow, nose tucked under my arm. And this is not a dog who is very sweet with me normally – he worships the ground Denis walks on and is very much a one-owner dog. I am a part of his pack and he is fond of me in many ways, even loves me – I have absolutely no doubt that he would protect me to the death if I were ever in danger. He’s just not overly affectionate towards me, usually. But right now, with his daddy gone? He just seems so desperate for comfort. Every morning and every evening I have to fawn over him, tell him what a good, sweet boy he is, give him kisses and pets and loves. Of course he moans like this is a terrible thing, ew mom, don’t kiss my nose! He makes snarly faces and pushes me away with his paws…. and then soon as I make a move as if to stop and walk away he puts his ears down, whimpers pathetically and rolls over, as if to say, “Don’t stop, mom, do it again!” It’s actually quite hysterical.

So Zeeke and I, we keep each other company, waiting for daddy to return. The only difference is that I know he’ll be coming back. I’m not sure Zeeke will ever be sure of that.