They say you don’t really appreciate something while it’s right there in front of you. I’m getting a good taste of that right now. I knew it was going to be a bit of juggling to manage the household by myself with my husband gone, but I figured I’d have some nice, quiet “me” time, that I’d be miss independent for a couple of weeks and everything would be fine.

The reality, on the other hand, is that I am far more codependent with my husband than I really understood. Also, that bad luck seems to spring up when you are least prepared to deal with it.

First issue is dealing with the dog. His dog. Daddy-is-gone-oh-my-god-I’m-going-to-die dog. This gives me a giant headache and does not make the cats happy. But this was an expected frustration, and one I was set to deal with.

And then came the snowstorm. 6″ of snow, rain on top, and freezing temperatures. But it’s okay, BIL came to snowblow the driveway and walkway and clear off my porch, I put down icemelt, and I drove the SUV. All is well. I was very pleased with how well I’d handled that…

… until I got up the next morning and realized with a clusterf**k the backyard now was. Our fence is still unfinished, so twice a day I have to leash up the dogs to walk them through our backyard to the woods. It’s an inconvenience in the best of times. It’s a straight-out frustration when there’s snow to slog through. And when that snow freezes on top and starts to get nice and slick it quickly becomes dangerous. Add missing snowboots and two dogs urgently needing to reach the woods, tugging on their leashes and getting wrapped around me. In the dark. While I try to juggle a flashlight. And not fall down.

Add to that the “incident” of the dog eating two chocolate chip cookies wrapped in plastic wrap. Swallowed whole. (Because I was going to get it from him.) Which means he has a very upset stomach, diarrhea, and needs to go outside urgently. In the icy snow. Plus I need to watch the poops to make sure he’s not blocked.

AND THAT IS NOT THE END OF IT.

Plus the same dog broke two nails on the icy snow, bleeding and freaking me out. Plus the battery on the SUV died while I was at work today, so I had to get jumped by a coworker in 22 degree weather. Plus a string of the house christmas lights are out and today I came home to discover that a portion of it on the other side of the house fell down, giving my house a glorious white-trash christmas look.

And it isn’t even to the end of the first week yet.

All of that is very frustrating and certainly very bad timing, but it shouldn’t normally be meltdown material. But right now I can’t just turn to my husband for help – he’s not here to put the lights back up, or take the truck in to the shop, or take the dogs out in the icy snow. I’m left to manage alone, I can’t even just call him if I want to talk – he calls me once a day in the evenings, but the rest of the time is unavailable. He has no email or computer access. I don’t know if we’ve ever been apart and been able to communicate this little, and to be honest it’s upsetting me more than a little bit. I have moments at work where I’m just doing something simple like figuring out credit card payments and want to call him to ask if I should take the money from one account or the other. Or when my car battery dies and I might need a ride. Or when I’m ticked off about something and just want to call and rant to him for a little bit about stupid people. I’m realizing how many times a day I reach out to him instinctively, whether it’s for help or comfort or just to connect schedules. Without that I feel like I’m floating around without an anchor.