How We Met
A few people have asked me how I met my husband. Since he’s gone and I’m feeling a little nostalgic, I figured it would be as good a time as any to tell the story.
My hubby and I met online, though not exactly in the way you’d expect. We are both avid readers, especially of the fantasy genre, and we both ended up as a member on a forum for this one particular book series. It was actually a roleplaying site as well as a fan site, where everyone had a character name (or sometimes many different ones), and we would all paint our character(s) into the fantasy world that we loved. I love to write, as you can tell, but I’m not a novelist – I like short stories, and the ability to write with other people was fun and rewarding. So on this site Den and I both played – but not together. I did not know him, nor his character – the site was big enough to have many different sub-forums.
It happened that one of the women that I got to know well online lived only a few short hours from where I lived. I was just outside of Vancouver, BC, and she was outside of Seattle. I was only 17 at the time, but she and some other friends drove up to meet me, and I drove down to stay with her a couple of times. She was older, had a family, and kind of took me under her wing in a way. I was struggling with my depression at that point and it was good for me to get out of the house and be around people who knew me and had similar interests.
She ended up hosting a large get-together of people from the roleplaying site. It started out with just a person or two planning to visit her, and it ended up being a big meet-and-greet. The first year it happened was a big success, so the next year another one was planned. I never would have been able to go to a big meeting had it been any further away, but since I could easily drive there and I already knew the hostess, I was able to go.
Now I’ve never been a social person. At all. In fact I had terrible anxiety about meeting new people, not to mention my depression was as of yet unchecked and unmedicated and I had just been through a spectacularly drawn-out and dramatic breakup with my first boyfriend. The first year I was so overwhelmed and I didn’t know half of the people there, I ended up just sitting mute most of the time. So the second year I decided I was going to find out who all was coming, and then introduce myself to them online – within my comfort zone – and get to know them a little bit before they arrived.
And that is how I first “met” Denis. I didn’t know him at all, but he was a good friend of my friend, the hostess, and he was going to fly out all the way from Massachusetts for this second meetup. I ended up finding him on IM and introducing myself, just as I did with everyone else who was coming. I remember pretty much nothing from those few conversations. They were completely unremarkable.
But I do remember him arriving at my friend’s house. Her husband had gone to pick him up from the airport, other people had already arrived so there was a living room full of people chit-chatting. I was just sitting curled up by myself on a couch. I remember him walking in the room, putting down his things, giving hugs to my friend. There was something about him. And I don’t mean in an “oh my GOSH!” kind of way, but rather that soft but comforting feeling that this is someone who would be a great friend. There was something so warm about him. The rest of that weekend we all got to know each other and I gravitated to his side. We laughed a lot. He just made me feel… safe.
After that weekend we kept in touch on IM. We got to know each other and became very good friends. My first instinct was right: he was indeed a very good friend. I found out he was a very good writer, and I created a new character in the story online to interact with his – we had a lot of fun with that one. I also found out what a wonderful person he was. He became a moderator on the site because he was someone everyone looked up to, who could solve problems and calm the drama (and there was always plenty of drama). He was an amazing source of support for me and was the encouragement I needed to see a doctor and get on some anti-depressants. I turned to him often for support, and he was always there for me.
Somewhere in there something more grew, but there was a catch: he was 16 years older than me. By that time I was 19, he was 35. Every time I would mention this connection and possibly-more, he would say he’s too old for me and encourage me to date someone in college. But finally I convinced him that I wanted HIM, not someone else. I at least wanted to see him again, to see if the connection we had online was there in person.
February 14, 2002 was when I first flew out to Massachusetts to see him. It was awkward and crazy, but that connection really truly was there.
For the next three years I would live with my parents during college semesters and then live with him for my 4 months off during the summer, taking turns visiting on my Christmas break. Everyone thought we were crazy, not just because of the age difference, but with the traveling and living apart for 4 months at a time. Yes, my parents did freak out a little when I told them that I was flying to Massachusetts to see a man I knew online – but they trusted me enough to let me go, and make my own mistakes if that’s what it was going to be. But when he flew out that first Christmas in 2002 they got to know him and they adored him, too. So many people, when they saw us together in person, would say, “Oh, it makes sense now.”
We stayed apart until I finished my degree – transferring to a school in the US was a possibility, but so overwhelmingly expensive that it was not an option. The summer before I graduated he proposed and we started the Visa application process, which is considerably lengthy. As soon as I finished my last class I packed my belongings in two suitcases, the rest left in boxes and drawers at my parents’, and moved. We got married 2 months later.
It has been over 7 1/2 years now since I flew out that February, and married for 4. We still don’t really understand how we found each other or how we recognized what we did – or how we managed to get through all the obstacles between us ever getting together permanently. But we did – and we are not the only couple from that roleplay site that ended up happily married. I think the best thing about building a relationship online is that you get to know that person’s heart first – their hopes and dreams, their fears, their beliefs. Den and I could and did talk for many, many hours on IM or phone, and we still never run out of things to talk about.
My husband’s main character’s name on that site we met on was named Alin. Though not many people know it, we named our son Devin Alin after his daddy, as an acknowledgment of how our story began.
Oh, gosh, I love this story. And especially the name part. That really is an amazingly special memory to give Devin.
I agree about the learning somebody’s heart first. This is shockingly similar to how J and I met, though it was a much smaller roleplaying site, and we moved quite a bit faster. ;-) (Though, of course, our family just thinks we met online “through friends.” which is technically true – our characters didn’t interact, so we only started talking through mutual friends in the game.)
But I love how much you two have grown together. This is super sweet.
Such a beautiful story!
Do you ever find it hard to tell people the way you and your husband met? I met my first love in a similar way, online, and I always feel awkward telling people that. Sadly I don’t have to worry about that anymore, because he was killed in a car crash one year ago today. I miss him so, as I’m sure you understand.
It’s so strange that I would read this today…
What a sweet story. I understand the long-distance romance thing, because my dh & I had one too, albeit long before the Internet — we had enormous long distance bills & (hand!)wrote long, regular letters. We met at university when I was in year three of a four-year arts program & he was in a pre-master’s year. During that year, he decided to change direction & get his MBA. He applied for the school we were both at, but didn’t get in there. :( So we spent the next year at different schools. He came to see me in the summer, before classes started, & again during the Christmas break. Then I got accepted into a one-year graduate program at a school that was a two-hour train ride from his (closer…!) & also two hours from Toronto, his hometown. We spent just about every weekend together. After I graduated, I moved in with my parents & got a job on the local weekly paper for a year until our wedding.
I think we appreciate our time together so much because we had so little of it to begin with. ; )
H, I know I find it awkward sometimes to mention that I met my husband online. There’s a certain assumption a lot of people tend to make… I am so sorry for your loss, I can’t even imagine.
What a wonderful story. Thank you for sharing! I’ve been a long time follower but an infrequent commenter. I love that you gave Devin Alin as a middle name. So fitting and so beautiful.
H – Yes, we tailor the story to the crowd. For older relatives or work people we say we met in Seattle visiting a mutual friend. But the rest of the time I just say we met online and watch the shock on peoples’ faces. I am so very sorry for your loss. :(
Loribeth – I find that, too, we definitely appreciate our time together after so long apart.
Ahhh and how jealous I was that you had stepped in and snatched him up just before I was able to :D
Then again, if you hadn’t, I wouldn’t have met my wonderful husband haha.
(For those who are wondering, I know Denis and Natalie through the mentioned site and was smitten with Denis for a long while, but never dared to say. Natalie had more courage :D )
Hahaha Ly. I think it all worked out beautifully. ;) Though it’s hilarious that I had more courage than someonen at *anything*!
What a wonderful story! I did not realize you were such a geek! (My husband and I met at a Star Trek club meeting @ our college and we play role playing games too).
Delenn – We are both huge geeks. ;) I just haven’t had time or energy to read much for a long time now.
How wonderful:) I love how you chose Alin. Does your husband go on business trips often? My hubby just came home for 4 days after being away for 2 months and I absolutely felt butterflies and sparks when we reunited :) At least we have that to look forward to when they come home soon!
what a nice story!!
And you look so great for 15 weeks!
Jess – No, he doesn’t go away too often, so I’m not used to handling the house by myself!
What a sweet story, Natalie. Thank you for sharing it.
I’m still amused that I was there for the proposal, and completely missed what was going on… in spite of the fact I was sitting RIGHT FREAKING THERE. I think Ly here even told me what was going on, and I still freaking missed the punch; I’m awesome at being zoned out. >< But still, you guys made each other so happy that I was super-happy for you both, and still am. :D
I love the story of how you met Den. DH and I also met online, and I agree that there is a lot that can be said about being “forced” to really get to know each other from the very beginning.
You made me tear up with the part about Devin’s name. I didn’t know where Alin had come from. What a sweet, sweet way to pay tribute to your and Den’s history.
You know I’ve felt like I’ve got to know so much about you but never knew the specifics about how u and den met. What a wonderful story. And I didn’t know that about Devin’s middle name either… how touching.
Chris and I met for the first time at a smaller meet-up (dinner only) for that same website, also in Seattle, about a week or so after the one you and Denis met at. Bizarre, eh? Although he and I didn’t really connect until about a year or so later.
Oh my. Our “how we met” stories have a lot of similarities… except that I’m the American in the situation and Hub is the Canadian, and he’s 2 yrs older than I. We tried some of the things you tried to be together too, but in the end ended up dating 5 years long distance before marrying. We’ve now been together 12.
And you said this: here was something about him. And I don’t mean in an “oh my GOSH!” kind of way, but rather that soft but comforting feeling that this is someone who would be a great friend.
ABSOLUTELY! I felt like I came home when I hugged Hub for the first time. It was so incredible. And he smelled exactly like I felt he should. His voice too was so perfect. Although I have to admit he did make my teenage hormones surge as well. ;-)
And you said about people saying, “OH, it makes sense now!” People were all wary about us too until they saw us together and then said the same thing. :)
Love is awesome. :)
wow that is such a beautiful story…i loved it…i love reading your journals…
That is a beautiful story! Especially Devin’s middle name. My parents are 23 years apart…age is a non-issue, when its right, its right!
Ah yes, the proposal! Den had mailed me about it and when I met you guys I asked whether he was still going through with it or had chickened out. So he said he would, and I got those glasses and arranged champagne with the waiter of the restaurant we were at that night …. and then Den took so freaking long to get the word out! Damn! I was almost about to kick his shins raw to make him get a move on *giggle*
Lovely story. I think I basically got this through reading your other journal a long time ago. It’s still a lovely story.
Technically, my husband and I “met” online. He saw that I had no dance partner and just mailed me asking if I wanted to be his dance partner ;o)
So neat hearing the whole story (I’d known/assumed that you guys met there, but didn’t know how it all happened.) I’m still amazed how many people had marriages/significant others result from being at that site. I even had a SO from there for a time, and even though it didn’t work out we still remain good friends. I love that you gave him Alin as his middle name…maybe if this little one is a girl you can work Lylana or Cyridwen in there! ;)
Wow, that’s a great story!
Claire – I tried, Den vetoed it. LOL!
What an amazing story, Nat! I enjoyed reading how you and Den met. Makes you really believe in the powers of the universe. Thanks for sharing :)!