(X-Posted to the forum)

It’s many hours later and I’m still dealing emotionally. Every month it hits me harder and harder. The first few months there was the feeling that “oh well, I’m not luckier than average.” Now every month is a bigger disapointment and looming is the thought that something is wrong with one of us. DH and I take turns reassuring each other that our time will come, but how do we know that? There’s no reason we shouldn’t be pregnant by now. I’ve been ovulating perfectly, get EWCM, have sex on the days leading up to O. And nothing is happening.

I’m just so sad. I’m laying in bed with my laptop, crying. I was up late throwing myself into stupid little projects, like changing the color theme on one of my websites. Every month I get my period I have this ritual of things – I update my cycle list, I write down the info, I print off the finished cycle chart and put it in my binder. It helps give me a little bit of closure. It helps me feel productive, instead of helpless. But I’ve done all that and it hasn’t helped much. What I WANT to be doing is making a pregnancy ticker and a baby site and all that stuff.

I just can’t believe we’re onto our 8th month of trying. I never even considered it would take us this long. After reading all about TTCing I knew some healthy couples take a year to get pregnant, but I never really thought it would be ME, you know? Almost all my friends got pregnant within a few months, except for one who was having very obvious cycle problems (not ovulating). I guess this is one thing I didn’t want to be “different” at.