First of all I want to say just how amazing all of my friends are. When I found out the fertilization news the first thing I wanted to do was post it everywhere. And then at the end of the day I was incredibly antsy to be able to check my twitter, blog and forums for all the responses. Everyone is so! Very! Happy! and it’s just exciting to be able to celebrate with people who truly get it.

IVF is such a mystery to so many people – even (maybe especially) family – and as much as I try to explain how huge this news is, they can only sort of appreciate it. They know we’re excited, and that makes them excited, but… they don’t really get how aweful 2 mature eggs per cycle is. I can’t blame them – I mean, IVF is a big weird mystery to them. They don’t know if 12 is any more normal than 2. So when I tell them my numbers they always hesitate for a moment and say, “Is that good?” Don’t get me wrong, I’m very happy I’m including family in our journey and that we get to educate people on the ins and outs of IVF… but there really is something to be said for being able to send an email to my best friend that only says “Six embryos!!!” and for her to shriek out loud and say, “OMG OMG OMG!!!!” No explanation needed. (No words, either, really. I think, were we talking in person rather than email, the entire conversation may very well have been coposed of squeals of different pitches pictuated by hysterical laughter and a random shout of “Six!!!”)

After my initial excitement I think I kind of sunk into a state of disbelief. It was a weird, weird day for me… being at work around people who sort of know what we’re going through but don’t really understand fully, dealing with customers who have no clue at all what I’m going through… it was just a weird feeling. It was like I was split in two… the cycling me, and the working me.

Of course it didn’t help that I forgot to take my meds last night – since I didn’t have to take any cycle protocol shots or meds or anything yesterday I forgot to take my prenatal and antidepressant. What I have learned is that even on a day when you recieve some of the best news ever, without antidepressants I can still be in quite a grouchy mood. It didn’t really help with the feeling of being totally separated from my IVF life. How could I be so impatient with the small, insignificant things? But, alas. Life continues moving, even when I just want to stand still and tap out emails on my blackberry all day long.

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I actually got some more exciting news today. When I got the call about fertilization she said to be at the clinic at 9:30am on Sunday for my transfer. I called and – after telling them how thrilled and over the moon we are about fertilization – asked if there was any chance we’d go to day 5. I’ve never been close to being allowed to go to day 5, so I really had no clue what their requirements and procedures are.

The nurse told me that for women under 35 (of which group I fall into) the lab’s requirement is 4 top-grade embryos on day 3. She said they have been monitoring the embryos at specific times today, and then on Sunday morning they will again evaluate them all. If we have enough that qualify as top-grade then they let them go to blast before transferring on Tuesday. We really have a shot at that!

We will be putting one embryo back regardless of which day it is, and all the remaining embryos will be cultured to blast before being frozen (or discarded, if they do not meet the criteria). So really the only thing a 5 day transfer will affect is the embryo they choose to transfer. Waiting gives them a better chance to evaluate them and choose the best one… it increases the pregancy rate. I am really really hoping to go to blast – but if we end up with a 3 day transfer I don’t think I’ll be too upset. I just hope we get a couple that culture well enough to freeze!

So we wait until Sunday morning, she said they will call either way – to let us know to come in Sunday, or wait until Tuesday. So that’s the next big piece of news I’m holding my breath for.

Last cycle our leftover didn’t make it to blast so I do worry about taking that step… but I was major overstimmed and it’s pretty obvious the quality of the embryos weren’t all that great. I keep reminding myself that this time my stimming was beautiful and controlled… they should be much better this time!

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Physically… well. How is it that every cycle I forget how ick I felt after retrieval? Actually… IVF#2 I don’t remember feeling too ick. Bloated, yes… but not really sore. Probably because I only had 13 eggs that time. Which was really fantastic timing, since between retrieval and transfer we were on vacation in Boston, touring on foot.

But yeah, not feeling so great today. My midsection feels tender… simple things like pushing away from my desk makes me say “oomph.” No cramping or pain or anything today… just a little bit of twinging from the ovaries, which is normal. I did have some blood this morning though. Which was kind of funny in a not-funny way, because I was like, “OMFG, blood!!” and then realized that a) I have no embryos inside me yet and b) I just had surgery down there. So I quickly regained reality and chilled out. But not such a great moment.

The progesterone is gross, just to let you know. I forgot about that, too… maybe I just blocked it out. Suppositories all leak back out throughout the day… ick ick and ick.

And also, still having hot flashes. Or, maybe not hot “flashes,” but rather “a sustained period of feeling warm.” It is winter, people. Natalie does NOT feel warm in winter unless covered with a million blankets, a couple cats, and an overheating laptop – and even then my hands tend to be frozen. And here I am wearing 3/4 sleeves to work. This is… weird. It’s the hormones, obviously. When I wasn’t cycling my hands were all cold. Now they’re fine. And I’m having to take off my third layer at work. It’s just insane, I tell you.

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Only two more days until sunday and the next piece of the news puzzle. Dare we still hope for continued fantastic news?