Time to live
I am kicking myself for the time I wasted. I was pregnant for 8 months out of a total now of 38 months since we started trying to have a baby – that’s a lot more time being not-pregnant than actually pregnant. But I have lived those entire 38 months as if I was pregnant, or could be at any given month. I put off a lot of things, or just didn’t think of planning them in the first place. I mean, I was going to be pregnant, right?
So here I sit, 3 years and 2 months later, wondering why we never went skiing, or bought season passes to Six Flags. And yet I fall into the same problem, don’t I. I could be pregnant in March.
But I am not pregnant now. I have decided to stop living for the future quite so much. I want to do all those things I never got around to doing.
Today at work some girls were talking about horse riding. I asked some questions and found out the stable offers horse riding lessons for not that much money. I sat and pondered for a little bit, then said, “I want to go horse riding.” So it’s only January and fucking cold out – I want to ride a horse. So I’m going to.
Next week we plan on going skiing. I love to ski, my dad, brother and I used to go quite often when I was in highschool. But in college we went less and less often, and now it’s been probably 5 years since I have gone skiing at all. I miss it. I’m terribly excited about getting to go with my husband – we’ve never skiied together before. It will be a fabulous escape for a day.
And if spring comes before I get pregnant we will be going to Six Flags.
I’m tired of waiting. It’s time to live.
There is great freedom in horseback riding. And for what it’s worth, I have ridden with many women who rode well into their pregnancies. It’s a bit of an old wives tale that you can’t ride while pregnant. You just need to be a bit more careful.
You’re so right, you need to live while your ttc otherwise…well you’ll go batty, take it from someone who has and is now just coming back from the brink of it LOL
9 years after ttc, I’m now just starting to live and what will be will be…
Good luck!
xx
I think so many women who are struggling with TTC & infertility have put off “living” on account of the maybe-baby. Heck, I wasted nearly two years of my life due to my own TTC struggles – and I regret it more than anything. So many vacations that I postponed, so many outdoor adventures that I canceled, so many events that I declined to attend because of TTC and the maybe-baby.
I’m so glad you’re making an effort to enjoy the here & now. So important!
Enjoy it!
I hope you love riding horses! And good for you for doing this! It’s a big step. And I think we have all been there at one time or another not planning something because we planned on being pregnant..it never seems to work out the way we plan.
I think all of us who are walking in similar shoes know what you mean. I’ll do it after I have the baby. That has meant little travel, little adventure, less living in some way. It is very wise that you caught yourself here- I haven’t had much luck. What I have realized lately is that life is short and happiness is key. To waste a year, or two, or three not being happy “until” seems like a royal waste of time. A toat to you for catching yourself and having fun.
*hugs*
I am so happy to see a post like this from you! You’re so right, it is time to live… the only thing we can ever be sure of is right now, this moment. I truly believe you will have a baby in your arms sooner rather than later, but in the meantime, live honey, LIVE! Not only will it make time go by faster, but you will be happier and less stressed.
I’ve lived a lot of my life recently in the “when this happens I’ll be happy and do this and this and this and…” mindset. Then…not to sound totally morbid or anything… I realize that well shit.. something could happen tomorrow that prevents me from ever doing those things that I put off doing until x was done or I had x or whatever.
Horseback riding… we had horses when i was younger… mom’s husband had them. They tried to teach me to ride but at the age of 10 or so I was too fearful to try to control such a large powerful animal. The few times I did though, it was a neat experience.
After years of putting it all off, I finally stopped doing that and got pregnant. Sounds so cliche, but I planned trips and vacations and just… stuff. Easy enough to cancel if I needed to. This TTC shit takes a toll. Good for you, get out there. There’s always a way to back out if you have to for those good, I’m too pregnant reasons :)
So proud of you. You GET it. Live each day to the max.
well said! i too, am guilty of post-poning things. i say f*ck it! like become pregnant would be a bad thing?! or something dificult to work around.
rock on.
i love the last line of your post. i tell myself all that time that exact thing.