The nurse left it up to me. Stop taking pills and get a period to re-start the IVF clock – if I want to. Of course there is last-minute panic floating around in my head and my heart.

But I go back to one thing: when I made that call and told them I wanted to get a period and start again I felt relieved. It’s probably all just weirdness in my head, but there is something that is telling me that this is the right thing to do, for my body and my mind. It’s only a 2 week delay, and right now that doesn’t feel like that long. Maybe my brain needs more time to adjust. Maybe my heart just isn’t happy with the timing of this whole thing. Maybe I know that my body just needs to hit the reset button. I don’t know. Probably pieces of everything all jumbled up together.

::

I have been behind on everything lately, and feeling really bad about it. I am a member of several forums, and during some of my boring weekends I read a lot of blogs and added them to my blog list. And now of course I have gotten several jobs for my freelancing, add that to my two part-time jobs, and I have no time! So yesterday I had to really re-think my spare time and cut back significantly. I am sorry I cannot visit everyone who visits here, know that I try.

I thought about how I am stretching myself so thin – I was speed-reading many blogs and forums without posting much. I thought to myself, is that what I want? No. What I want is to build meaningful relationships. That cannot be done with drivebys. So I have decided to try to actually keep up with my friends, even if that means I can pop over to less people. I want to make new friends, not just random aquaintances. You know?

So I’m sorry. Sorry to those that I have not been keeping up with lately, and sorry to those whom I will be unable to really get to know while I am so busy. But know that I think of all of you, and truly appreciate all of you. Even if you don’t post much at all. I understand. I really do.

::

Still moving ahead with house plans, though now that the general ideas are sketched out I have moved on to trying to budget for these things. Not as easy as one would hope, especially given that many of these projects involve things like plumbing. What I know about plumbing extends slightly past the knowledge that they use pipes for things. That makes it very difficult to estimate costs. So I am currently trying to get in contact with some people we have used in the past to just give us a rough estimate of how much we’re looking at so I know how much we need to save, and thus when we’ll be doing these things.

There are a lot of projects in the wings for this house, and thankfully some of them are not connected. The addition is the biggest thing, obviously – and is also probably the last one on the list, depending. The rest of the list consists of: replacing and moving the front door to the breezeway, which also needs to have the walls replaced; relocating the staircase-from-hell so that it no longer is an injury waiting to happen; adding a bathroom and laundry room to the unfinished half of the basement; and of course renovating the kitchen with new cabinets, countertop, and moving everything around. By the time we are done this house will be completley unrecognizable. Which is precisely what I wanted.

I still have no clue how we’re going to pay for all of this, but my freelancing work will come in handy, for sure. I would really love to not have to finance all of it! At least, with us doing most of the work ourselves, we save ourselves a ton of money. If only we weren’t so lazy we’d have more done after… how many years of living here?

Plans. I’ve got plans. I just hope we can actually follow through.