Where are we now?
I guess I really haven’t written much in here about how I’m doing.
Emotionally, I am… cranky. Bitchy. However you want to call it. I have not been a happy person, and I do not expect to be one for a while. I’m not like ranting and crying in public or anything, just very “get out of my space and leave me alone.” I want to talk to my good friends, but I don’t want to chit-chat about stupid shit with people I run into during the day. I don’t want to be in any crowds, I don’t want to have to socialise.
My period arrived in full force yesterday, sending me into another trip of the “blahs.” Thankfully this period, while heavy, has not included any cramping, for which I am very thankful.
I called and left a message for the IVF nurses, who called me back promptly. I just wanted her to pass on to my doctor that I’d like it if he could call me to talk about the next cycle. I really just want to know what the plan is an where we go from here and how soon we can get started…. and I’m not going to sit around for a month waiting for an appointment. Which is fine, he’ll call me… when he gets back from vacation next week. Sigh. So I have to wait another week for some idea of what we’re doing.
Which I’m mostly okay with. I’ve started the pill up for a down-regulation cycle, assuming that I’ll be heading straight into another cycle. My best guess is that he’ll want to lower my stims dosage in order to lower my risk of overstimming again, but go with the same basic protocol otherwise, including the 38 hour delay between trigger and retrieval.
And hell, so far I’ve been pretty right about everything so I’m just going to go by my own plans for now. We’re looking at an early February retrieval and transfer.
yes, it’s good to have a plan, right? you will be ahead of me this time, Nat! my ER is March 20. yes, i have to take a month off. geez, it’s not like i overstimmed…LOL
I understand how you feel, the waiting is torture. Go with your plan, you are your best advocate.
I’m sorry you got a visit from the Obnoxious Red Clad Aunt. Hang in there Natalie!
http://www.webmd.com/infertility-and-reproduction/features/infertility-stress
http://www.webmd.com/infertility-and-reproduction/news/20030605/how-stress-causes-miscarriage
“I never want to tell patients to just ‘relax’ because you can’t tell a person who’s already nervous to stop being nervous. That just isn’t helpful,” says Greenfeld.
What she does recommend, however, is for each woman to look into her own life and try to find tiny spaces where she can give her body and her mind a respite from the stresses of every day living.
Says Greenfeld: “Don’t just try to relax because you think that it’s going to help you get pregnant. But do relax just because it feels good, because it’s comfortable, and because when you do feel good, you’re healthier overall, and that can never be a bad thing for conception.”
Of course it’s helpful in overall life to not be stressed, if possible. That’s just common sense. That’s why I got a massage, why I write, why I take time for myself every evening to unwind. It is not healthy in general to be stressed out.
But the people who tell me to stop stressing imply that it is the cause of my infertility, which is simply not true. The cause of my infertility is a medical condition in which my eggs are not properly maturing – a medical condition that is as of yet doesn’t have a lot of data. If it was the stress causing the infertility I wouldn’t have been infertile until I was stressed out from being infertile! When we started trying I was completely blissful and naive, no full time job, newly married, no dead child grief, no infertility frustration.
I’m not really sure what the point of these links were. Either it’s meant to be helpful, which I can sort of understand – sort of, because like I said it’s common sense. Or it’s meant to refute my earlier post, in which case I am pretty aggravated that the person posting missed my point entirely.
I am not looking for solutions – not from the internet at large (for true solutions I look through research published in medical journals). I am looking for a safe place to be true to myself, to experience all the emotions that go along with this ride. How I feel is how I feel, regardless of what research says I should or shouldn’t be doing.