Mystery Solved
Yesterday I was flipping through old blog entries from IVF#1, remembering that first cycle and how long it’s been. Then I came across this nugget: “we’re to start the doxycyclin (antibiotics) today and take them twice a day for 7 days. And I was reminded to take it with food or it will upset my stomach.” The flickering lightbulb in my head suddenly sprung to life and whacked me between the eyes.
Know what I did Monday morning before driving to Costco on an empty stomach? Yeah. Antibiotic. Ouch.
So this morning I made sure to eat a nice peanut bar before taking the pill, then went on about my day. And lookie there, no morning sickness.
I can be such a moron.
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After we lost Devin I got many thoughtful gifts from people. Included in those were two gift cards to a local spa. I used one a couple months later, for a hot stone massage. (It was interesting.) I’ve been holding on to the other for a rainy day.
What better time to use it than during an IVF cycle? So that is what I shall do. Now the question is: facial, or massage? I’ve done a massage before, so I’d be interested to try a facial… but I think a massage would be more relaxing, and that is what I need right now!
Maybe I can schedule something for the day of transfer. That would be ideal.
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One week to retrieval; two days until my next monitoring ultrasound; 4 days of stims already done. I feel so frickin’ good to finally be in the middle of this. Yes, I am very very eager for this part to be over with, but I feel like a child with my hands shoved in a mud pie. It feels good to let that mud slide through my fingers. It feels real. I’m not just standing at the side watching anymore.
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I’m trying to ice my belly as long as possible before my injections, to help prevent stinging. But then afterwards it’s not only cold, but it feels sluggish… like I need to rub my belly to get everything mixing and moving again. So I’ve taken to putting a heating pad on my belly after the injection. It helps me feel all warm and toasty inside.
Last night after my injection I went to bed to relax. There I was, reclined up against my pillows in bed, laptop on my lap, heating pad under the covers on my belly. It felt so very reminiscent. The warmth, the weight, the bump of the sheets… it made me think of my time spent here with Devin.
So I pulled up the videos – the ones of me laying here, belly exposed, watching things jiggle and push underneath my skin. I teared up watching them again, even though I’ve watched them many times before. There is one moment where I press down and he pushes back, and I remember how I could feel his little foot beneath my fingers. I remember.
When I took them I knew these videos would be a neat keepsake. I had no idea how very special they would become. This is the only thing we have of Devin alive, moving. We have photos, which of course a treasure… but this video shows him moving. Alive in my womb. I touched him, I felt his little foot. I never got to feel it on the outside, never got to see how his rolls and kicks looked like. But at least I had something. At least I have this memory that lives not only in my head, but on video for all to see.
My belly still feels so empty. It’s hard to believe that it will ever feel full again.
I’m so glad you have those videos. And I’m glad you’re on your way, up and running, with this IVF cycle. I truly hope it works.
Best wishes.
Wow. I’m really happy to hear you have those videos to keep with you throughout your whole life. I’m excited you are in treatment and so much closer to begin pregnant again.
Hi :) Just wanted to say I am thinking of you and I am so happy to hear you are in the process of your treatment. Your videos were just beautiful! I have everything crossed for you and am sending you warm wishes :)
I’m so excited that you are in the middle of your treatments. I can’t wait for the day I click on your page and read that you’re pregnant again.
I send out good thoughts every day, Nat. Every day.
And your videos are beautiful.
Regarding that first part of your post, yes – I think Costco has this weird way of messing with people’s minds, making us all feel a bit ADD-ish and forgetful. Happens to me all the time, both in the store and on my way there. Not that I go there often.
I just had to say how much I love your blog…you write soo well and you make me laugh and cry! I wish you lots and lots of luck and I can’t wait to see a ticker up there! :)
I’m anxious to hear how your follies are doing. I wonder which one/ones will be Devin’s little brother/sister?
I really like your description of the mud….
Just a thought – I know certain massages have a way of releasing chemicals into your system which can trigger various reactions. I was warned not to get one while pregnant unless I knew they were knowledgeable about certain areas causing specific releases.
Just something that might want to be planned on, in case it affects your IVF cycle. ;-)
I find myself early in the AM checking on you as you are in the middle of IVF. So hopeful and (you know how I believe without saying it) for you :) I avoided massages, too as PP said. I guess I worried about everything… I wish they had an acupuncturist in the office! :)
Anyway… thinking of you. Telling those eggs to mature and be strong… is there any way, let’s just say you have more than one embryo that you’d implant two rather than one? (if possible?) Gosh I’d love to see you with twins.