So far everything still seems on track. A couple of calls from the nurses today, the first one saying that they want me to start Lupron on the 16th, and take my last BCP on the 19th. And I said wait no no, insurance doesn’t start until November 18th or thereabouts! So they’re having me stay on the pill an extra week (or so). It’s a very tight line we’re walking. We have to start stims by November 29 in order to get on the clinic’s calendar before they close for the year. My insurance starts November 18. We may be paying for Lupron out of pocket, but I hope we can get the rest of it squared away before starting stims.

I am excited, but nervous. I think this pretty much lays out my year to come… I suspect I really am going to have to take it one step at a time. Right now my concern is getting the insurance approval. Then, when that is sorted, I’ll start worrying about my eggs and getting a good embryo. Then I’ll worry about it sticking. Then, if/when I do get pregnant I’ll worry if there’s a heartbeat… worry that something is wrong during the diagnostic ultrasounds… and then, of course, the big worry that at some point the baby’s heartbeat will simply stop for no reason. There’s just too much to worry about, there really is. So I set my sights on the first thing in line, and focus solely on that. Right now: insurance.

I am scared. I am scared that this won’t work. I know that this will not be the end of the road – far from it, we’ll just do it again – but I really need this to work the first time. For me. And I am just terrified that this time we’ll get no embryos.

Oh, I got my sonohysterogram scheduled for next friday morning. Not ideal in terms of work, but it’s what they can get me so obviously I’m going to take it. Thankfully my boss is totally fine with me taking time off for this stuff, she said I can come in early to make up the time lost or just take the time off, that’s totally up to me. She seems very supportive and I am enormously appreciative.