Little realizations
I’ve been very down this week. Really struggling about everything, really pissed off. It’s gotten worse this weekend – I woke up feeling like I was going to burst into tears and wanted to just pull the covers over my head and forget about everything and everyone.
Driving to work I was thinking about how strange it was that I’m feeling so down. Then I realize tomorrow is October 5… 6 months since Devin’s due date.
I didn’t think I was really going to pay much attention to it, I didn’t think it was going to matter. He was born and died 7 months ago, no big deal. But I guess deep down inside is another story entirely.
First, stop looking for why you might be feeling so down this week. Even if today is whatever milestone. You feel the way you feel because of EVERYthing. Accept your feelings. Don’t try to convince yourself you shouldn’t feel total hopeless anguish on any day at any time. You are entitled!
6 months was hard. The anticipation and the day. I woke up the next day, thankful that was over, and never again would I have to go through that again. There would be other anniversaries, but never this one.
It’s a very big deal. And it takes a long time. This is what I’m learning. It takes a long, long time.
nat,
you will never ever get to a point where you don’t remember Devin’s important anniversaries…you will probably always say “Devin would be _____ today…” and that is ok. My Dylan would be 2 the end of this month…I look at his twin brother and I am always reminded…it’s hard but I don’t want to forget.
((hugs))
:(
It is small steps. Each day, each milestone. These deep wounds heal slowly because so many things seem to rip them back open. Be gentle with yourself. Do what you need. There is no right way.
Much love,
Allison
Time is just a confusing mess of circustance and perspective and how we measure it changes based on the death of our children.
Your body and emotions are counting now, based on the day he left you , the day he was supposed to come, and the milestones of time after both dates.
Defeniately allow yourself a day underthe covers…I was there for a long time!