Anticipation of Joy
I sit in quiet and mull over things I want to write… things that will have to wait until another day. The thoughts are not yet fully formed, but one.
It is September. I was dreading it, to a degree. I didn’t know what to expect, but I feared the milestones hitting at once: my 26th and his 6 month. Too close together. I still feel very guarded; I do not know what this week will bring.
But, yet, when I looked at the calendar at work, newly flipped to September, I said to my coworker quietly, “Next year will be better. Next year will be different.” I realized then that I really believed that. I really meant it.
I am looking forward to December. I am looking forward to another chance. I am looking forward to going through it again. Not with the stark, burning need that I once felt, but with anticipation of something wonderful. I was given a gift those 8 months, and it will not be the only one.
I lay in waiting for my turn to come around again.
I like this post. You are looking ahead without forgetting where you are coming from. In fact, I think you are allowing Devin, both his creation and his short life to give you the strength to move forward, to see that there are indeed more good things to come. I can’t wait to read more :)
I am so excited to follow your second pregnancy. I can’t wait to see the end result…which I have a strong feeling will be Devin’s sister, but hey, that’s just me.
I am glad to see these posts from you.. I see a very different Natalie these days. =)
You’ve been through so much and my heart breaks for you. I’m sorry that this coming week will be so challenging for you emotionally, but I’m happy that you’ll be trying again in just a few short months. Hopefully this will give you something to look forward to.
Best of luck to you and lots of ((hugs)). I stumbled upon your blog several months ago and you’re in my thoughts every day.
You are so inspiring…thank you for your vulnerability.