You know what I recently realized? Devin’s 6-month birthday comes only days after my own birthday. Suck suck suck. And here I thought my birthday was going to be a bad one in any case, without considering the timing issue on top. I think I’m just going to pretend it doesn’t exist.

This is the first year, ever, that my birthday makes me really upset. And it’s not because of the age. It’s simply that, for many months, I really believed I’d be celebrating this year with a baby. Turning a year older, now, means absolutely nothing to me but a reminder of where I am not.

::

I am sorry I have had little more to say recently, and it’s not because I have been holed up in my bed sobbing for days. I have actually been working… a lot. For the first time in my life I find it preferable to spend my entire concious day working, then coming home and watching some olympics before going to bed. This week I’ve had the dubious pleasure of shaving some cats, microchipping some cats, filling out a ton of adoption and intake paperwork, etc. Life at a sanctuary is fun. It’s certainly unique. As Den said to me the other day, “Not many people come home and say, ‘I shaved three cats today at work.'”

This seems to be a very good time to immerse myself in work, because we are in the middle of a big transition and there is a ton to be done… and much stress to be shared. I seem to be the only one not affected by the stress flying around between my coworkers… I simply have a very different perspective on the whole thing. Okay, so we don’t get this paperwork to print by that date. So? We get it done the next day. We’ll deal. So the others are stressing and I am just plugging along. I really enjoy working on paperwork and systems. Busy work. I really really enjoy busy work.

So life hasn’t really been bad lately. It hasn’t been good, either. It just… is. Tomorrow I have an adoption clinic to go to, to help my boss, and then I prepare for my first day of training on Monday. I’m already having nightmares about that… the same stupid shit, I dream that I woke up late, or that I forgot and showed up on the wrong day, or whatever. How irritating. How come I got to skip all the cool pregnancy dreams, but get vivid crappy ones when not pregnant?

Life right now is a dog chewing on something at my feet and a cat curled around my neck. How can you feel bad with a cat purring in your ear?