Very very busy week at work today. Just so tired. BUT being busy busy has kept me in a pretty good mood… no time to sit and feel bad, you know? When driving home I realize I didn’t think of Devin at all today… or our current TTC stuff. I’m just so immersed in what I’m doing that it’s all I have mental space for. Once upon a time I would have hated that. Now I welcome it. I’m hoping I get this job so I can be busy all the time. I’ll have weekends to look forward to like normal people.

I’ve never done a 40-hour work week. It’ll be interesting to see how it goes. Den said to me, “There comes a time in an adult’s life when that’s what you have to do.” I responded with, “Yes… but I just thought it would be after I’d raised my kids.” :( Life throws curveballs. I just never expected to be where I am now. I was going to have kids in my early twenties, stay at home to raise them, and go to work when they reached school age. Instead I’m 25, no kids to raise, and I’m trying to figure out what on earth to do with my time. I think I’m figuring it out now.

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I feel like I’m going in a different direction. We did traditional medicine for our infertility and we know it worked. If I had the option to do IVF right now I would do it, no question… but right now it’s also barred to us for a time. I’ve never really been into “alternative” medicine at all – no judgement for those who do it, it’s just simply never been my thing.

But seeing a chiropractor has changed my mind to a degree. I really feel cared for when I go, and when I leave I feel better… about myself, my body, my life. It’s a good feeling that lasts for a while, and that’s on top of the physical improvement she makes on my back pain! And I just feel like that is something special that I am interested in pursuing further. Whole body treatment. Not just fiddling with my reproductive organs. Let’s look at the big picture and figure out how we can make me better.

I found a website, an online directory for all kinds of alternative therapies in this local area. I am very lucky to live where I do, there are so many options.

Of course acupuncture is very popular among the infertility crowd, but I have to say I’ve never felt very excited about it. I’m looking for more hands-on. I like the idea of massage, but the spa massages I have gotten in the past always left me feeling a little disappointed. They’re not connecting with me somehow. I feel like they’re running through a script, and they don’t “listen” to my body. I want someone who understands. I need something more that connects with the underlying issues and is working to heal it. I love how my chiropractor runs her hands down my spine, feeling it, and knows exactly what’s wrong. Just a quick feel and she says, “Oh, here and here,” and lightly touches the exact two places that have been bothering me. I want that for the rest of my body. I want that for my soul.

I want someone to know what’s wrong without me having to explain it. I hate walking into my general practitioner’s office and having to explain what’s wrong with me. The response is usually “Sounds like ___,” or, “It’s probably ___.” I know they can’t be running full screens for every little sniffle, but damn, what’s the point of a doctor then?

I received my insurance notifications for the last couple doctors visits I’ve had – chiro and GP. The chiro visit was $40 total. The GP was $180. Guess which one helped me more? And which one spent more time with me actually talking and connecting and fixing me?

Right now I don’t really know what I’m looking for. Bodywork, acupressure, therapy of some sort… I don’t know. I know we have limited funds to work with, but I also know that I need to do something more than what I’m doing now.