As always, all you loss mamas out there please join in.

1 | How would you describe your relationship to fear before and after the loss of your baby?
Before: Fear was paranoia, distant. Small jitters, easily brushed aside. Now: Fear is real, up close and personal. It is overwhelming, suffocating. It is believable.

2 | Is your lost baby/are your babies present in your life? In what way?
Yes. There are “things” everywhere: his tree in our yard, his photo on my shelf and computer wallpaper, his handprints on my wall, his quilt on my wall, his memory box out in the open. And yet it too frequently feels like a daydream that I’m clinging to – a memory that lingers.

3 | Tell us about something said or done after your loss that left you feeling nurtured or supported.
All the people who wept, who said simply, “I’m sorry” – the shock and horror and massive chaos that followed his death. It wasn’t really words, it was the reactions. The “Oh my god”s.

4 | Tell us about something said or done after your loss that left you feeling marginalized or misunderstood.
I thankfully had very few of these. But the one that stands out in my memory is a seriously misguided attempt at humor, saying, “Well at least you can have lots of sex!” And the implication that we could always just have another.

5 | What’s taken you a long time to do again? How did it feel, if you have?
To go back to the chiropractor. I don’t know why that one has been so hard… at first it was because I didn’t want to have to tell them. Now they all know and I still haven’t gone back. I just keep making excuses.

6 | How would you describe yourself as a partner before, and after?
Before: Demanding, self-absorbed. After: Softer, more empathetic, more sorrowful. I have this need to take his hurt away.