Now that everyone is in bed and the lights are off I’m afforded a little bit of peace in which to write and calm down. It’s doing me good, I can tell you that much. (Though WTF is wrong with my stupid mouse? Seriously, everything needs to stop doing weird things today. No really. I’ve had enough.)

Just talking to Den with our heads on our pillows, catching up at the end of a long day, was so nice and relaxing. I’m glad I have a husband who a) likes to cuddle, and b) understands my deep-seated need to talk things out. He’s a pretty good listener, as long as he doesn’t fall asleep in the middle of a conversation!

I am still up because of one word: congestion. Good god, it’s gotten bad! After I got that sinus thing in early January it went back to “pregnancy normal,” which is to say I still felt a little yucky all the time but nothing to be bothered by. That was pretty much par for the course. Then just the last few weeks here suddenly my nose is all clogged up bad. And I know it’s just the pregnancy at work, because the other end is doing the same thing. But I can’t SLEEP! I lay down on one side and my nose whistles when I breathe, trying to get the air in and out. There is a reason I never ever snore when sleeping: I can’t sleep if I’m making noises! It keeps me awake. Usually after about 15 minutes things drain a bit into my lower sinus, opening one nostril enough that I can breathe. But then an hour or two later my hip is aching so I have to roll over… and I start the whole process again. Bleh! I have a feeling drinking more water would help with this, so I’ve been trying to do that. I don’t drink nearly enough.

My prior complaint, the nightsweats, haven’t bothered me much lately. A couple of times recently I’ve woken up a little dewy, but nothing like that period of grossness. I think what’s preventing this one is the fact that I wake up every 2 hours to pee. My body’s not getting a chance to go into major nightsweat mode. LOL It’s a little give-and-take. At least I can go straight back to sleep after peeing, no need to deal with the sheets.

You will notice in my latest belly pic that I am wearing no sleeves. That is a black “undershirt” I bought – my purpose was dual: both to have something covering the boobs under my maternity shirts that have a nice deep-V (which of course flashes everyone when I bend over), and also to have some extra coverage on the bottom of my belly. These maternity shirts that look so cute, they let air right up underneath my belly. It’s winter. That can be somewhat unpleasant!!

I haven’t really had any complaints of overheating or hot flashes or whatever it is that pregnant women normally complain about. I don’t walk around opening windows in the dead of winter. I have noticed, however, that this winter I have not complained about keeping our thermostat at 65 during the day. Yes, I wear turtlenecks daily. But I am normally the kind of person who feels cold (and very whiny) at 72 degrees. Considering we always keep our heat turned down in the mid-60’s to try to save on our heating bill I can get pretty miserable during the winters. So it’s been kind of nice this year… I wear my turtlenecks and sweatshirts and I don’t feel like body parts are going to freeze and fall off. It’s quite nice for a change! Though it’s rather amusing when I catch Den wearing like three layers, shivering, saying, “Is it cold in here?” and I look at him funny and say, “No.” I guess the pregnancy has had more effect on my body temperture-wise than I thought!

Let’s talk about the boobs. I always pictured getting huge boobs when pregnant. And here mine are, 34 weeks and… still a C-cup. Not that I’m complaining, mind – just a little surprized. Sure, maybe they’ll get bigger in the time I have left, but at this point I’m not expecting much change until my milk comes in. And hey, maybe they’re just the type of boobs that don’t grow much. Funny how your body can do things so differently than other peoples’. This whole pregnancy thing is so fascinating to me. I like watching how my body changes – in expected and unexpected ways. You never know what’s going to happen!

My nipples have changed, but again, not nearly as drastically as I expected. They’re a little darker, a little more pronounced… but not in a huge way. And they changed so slowly that sometimes it’s hard for me to notice that they’ve changed at all! The biggest difference is the areolas… they have little bumps all around my nipple, which I read are glands of some beneficial sort. It’s kind of weird!

I do think my belly button is going to pop out by the time I’m through. It’s still getting shallower and flatter. I can see my lap scar now, which is really weird. When I’m standing up my belly button does pop out a little bit (though not entirely) – but when I lay down it’s back to an innie. LOL

I have figured out why I haven’t been freaked out by the changes of my belly button – why I have felt no pain or discomfort from the pressure inside. It’s because my belly button is completely numb. I only really realized this a couple of days ago. Den was being silly and put his finger on my belly button and wiggled it (something he has never ever dared to do this pregnancy because the last time he did it about 5 years ago I FREAKED OUT at him in a bad way). Well he did that and I was all, “Wow. Umm, I can’t even feel that.” So that’s why, even when Devin’s pressing directly against my belly button from the inside, it doesn’t bother me at all. Thank the light for small favors, I guess. Considering how very sensitive it’s been all my life I can’t say I’m very upset about the numbness!

By the way, this reflux/heartburn is so nasty. *gag* And it just creeps up out of nowhere, too. I’ll be laying here almost asleep and all of a sudden ugggghhhhhhh!! I can’t complain too much, though, since what I have doesn’t sound half as bad as what some of my friends deal with!

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I can’t believe Devin’s birth is coming closer and closer. It still all feels so unreal. When I think about it I start realizing just what a huge impact this is going to have on me… us… our lives. Getting pregnant was such a huge thing – but yet when you think about it it’s really an emotional thing more than a physical thing. Unless you’re testing and really watching and waiting, you could even miss it! You start off not even knowing you’re pregnant, and over time the pregnancy grows and changes and becomes more and more obvious, more and more life-altering.

Giving birth, on the other hand, is this huge physical life change that smacks you upside the head. Everything changes… all at once. Suddenly you’re no longer pregnant, and you have a child. Boom. Not to mention the labor. This is no easy life transition!

So it’s really no wonder that I feel so full of conflicting emotions over it. I’m excited beyond belief. I’m scared, too. I’m also curious. What does Devin look like? What will his personality be? What will labor feel like? What will my experience be like? How will I feel about myself afterwards? How will I handle being a mom? How will the dogs handle it? And just what on earth is life going to be like after we come home from that hospital?

Obviously I’m paying a lot more attention to birth stories and the waiting-to-go-into-labor stories. I find it surprizing and a little strange how many people wish to get it over with, or are trying anything – medical or myth – to get things started. I think that says a lot more about me than it does them, though – I would not go around telling other pregnant women how they ought to feel or what they ought to do! I am not in their shoes and can’t possibly know how they feel or what beliefs they hold dear. But instead I really sit and examine my reactions when I read about inductions and membrane stripping and breaking waters. Why do I feel that way? Is this something that is important to me? Is this something I want/want to avoid? Is this something that is likely to happen to me? If it’s something I want to avoid, what can I do to help avoid it?

Really what it boils down to, I guess, is that I really really feel strongly that I want this pregnancy to be allowed to continue unimpeded, without meddling from any doctor. Even if it means going to 42 weeks pregnant. Some of it is rooted in belief that this is best for me and best for the baby. But some of it, too, is fear. My body has been doing such a wonderful job that I don’t want anything to upset the balance that exists. Sort of like… I fear that doing something to jump-start labor would throw everything out of whack. I actually get quite panicked at the thought.

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I really ought to sleep now, but between my sinuses and my bladder I’m having a tough time just reclining! Kid is on my bladder, I’ve had to pee every hour since I layed down (or more frequently?) The last trip to the bathroom I ended up having a braxton-hicks and boy oh boy was it a race to the bathroom. Moving at all felt like I was going to pee all over myself! Thanks for that, uterus.