Didn’t mean to leave you all hanging, wondering if I’d gone off the deep end for good this time. Today was actually a better day, I got a couple of things done, even cleaned and organized my desk (well…. most of it). No random bawling today… though I do find my eyes welling up at very random things, which is frustrating. My mind is yelling, “Oh get a grip!!” So I just try to tackle one thing after another which is so hard when I’m in a position like this, I find it hard to concentrate on “just this one thing” and instead end up getting very overwhelmed by the big picture. I just want to get a handle on my life before the baby comes. I want to set my affairs straight, I want to close out projects, I want to tidy everything up so it runs smoothly. This is being far more frustrating than I bargained for. I can’t – and won’t – get into it here, because I’m just frustrated beyond all heck some days. I can’t decide if thumping my head into a wall or burying it in sand would be more effective.

I did sleep for a long time while Den was at work. That was nice. And probably needed. Woke up all sweaty again – I know I had had some type of dream, but it was the kind that disappeared as soon as my mind surfaced. So both me and the sheets got washed. I do love love love the feel of clean sheets, but at this point it’s just frustrating too, knowing I’m going to have to wash them in a couple of days again!

Tidying up my desk was spent sitting in my desk chair, with a large box of papers on the floor beside me (I swept everything off my desk into the box, then started going through it piece by piece). I grunted every time I bent over to pick something up out of the box, feeling my belly smoosh against my legs. At one point I stood up to file something and this sharp almost-pain stabbed at my left side. I yelped a little and immediately my hand went to the site… and found a foot sticking WAY out. Dude, he was really shoving me hard! I pushed that little foot in and told him I was sorry for squashing him, but stop hurting mommy!

He’s been very active today… active while I was cleaning, while I was watching TV, even now as I’m laying here typing. Guess he’s not very sleepy today. It is just so funny watching my belly roll around, large bumps sticking up here and there. I just love it. Can get a little uncomfortable, but it’s just so reassuring.

The stretch marks on my boobs have now expanded to above my nipples. Just slightly.. a couple of very small stretch marks… but I can see them there. The Linea Nigra under my belly button is still there, but very very light. I can only really notice it in the right light. No stretch marks on the belly.

The blood flow issues, they continue to annoy me. I’ve mentioned before how I can’t sleep laying on an arm or anything, because it cuts off the blood flow and my hand goes numb. That’s understandable. It has gotten to the point now that I can’t sleep with my arm flopped over my head either (hand sort of up in the air)… my hand starts to go tingly. I’ve learned I basically need to sleep with all limbs at heart-level or below.

Some of my forum friends are getting to the point of having babies. This is kind of scary to me. I’m not far behind them, and I thought I had more time! Well, I probably do. I really really don’t expect to be going into labor before 40 weeks, though we shall see. But it’s a little freaky when they’re all getting the last few things done before baby actually arrives, and we haven’t set up anything yet… I’m just not ready to set things up yet!

I guess that’s what kind of weird about these last months. I could have two full months. I could have only one. That’s rather a large window!

Strangely, I am not really feeling much panic over the situation. I’m not going to get ready early “just in case.” If baby comes early, then we’ll come home and set up the cosleeper (which we have). The only thing we don’t have that we will really need very soon is the carseat… we have the cosleeper, the diapers, some baby clothes. I’ve got my boobs. We even have a blanket or two. So really, everything the baby needs. That takes a load off of my mind… just having those diapers sitting there in the box in the corner, knowing they’re there, and having the cosleeper also in a box in the corner.

Sometimes I feel guilty about all the “stuff” I’ve registered for. I did try to keep it down and not register for a lot of frills, but there are days when it all feels like frills. And you know… there’s a part of me that feels really guilty about having a shower. I love getting gifts and all, but I feel guilty that I’m asking people to come to a party and give us a gift. MIL called me today with some questions about the registry and I realized I’d just really rather not know about any of it. I’m not looking at my registries at all. Part of it is me wanting to be surprized. And part of it… yeah, that guilt thing. I don’t want to sit here and think about how much people are spending on us (because I’ll think it was too much!).

I am really looking forward to my shower, though. I’m so glad Den’s going to be there. And Kel!! I think I am MOST excited about Kel coming to visit. I can’t believe it’s in only a week! Wow. Aint that crazy.