Kate has been going to bed super easy for months now. We have our pre-bed wind-down period and routine, then I say good night to her, walk her into her room, put her down, tell her I love her, then leave. And she goes to sleep. This has been such a nice thing… but the last few weeks I’ve been feeling kind of sad and a little bit hormonal. I miss cuddling her, I don’t get to do that very often – she’s up and down and running around. I only really get cuddles when she’s falling asleep sitting with me on the couch (middle of the night wakeups, usually). So I decided to change up the routine a little bit and take a step “backwards,” as it were. When I take her into her bedroom, before putting her in her bed, I sit on the floor with her on my lap, rock her, and sing her a lullaby. She quickly got used to it and now says, “Sing?” when we go into her room at nap time. As soon as I sit down she gets comfortable and leans her head on my shoulder. It’s always the same song: Morningtown Ride, a lullaby from my childhood. It is so peaceful to be able to hold her in the dark for even a minute or two. She’ll always be my baby.

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Well at least that worked well until this week. Den coming home has really thrown off bedtime. At first we thought she must be teething, she was screaming and screaming when I took her near her room. But oddly enough she wasn’t doing it at nap time when Den was at work. I started watching her closely around bedtime. She is showing all the usual signs of being ready for bed: rolling around, getting quiet, rubbing her eyes, asking for Elmo, sitting with a blanket. But when I gently pick her up and say the word bed? Hysterics. Absolute hysterics. And asking for daddy. And if I put her down she runs to him and wants to PLAY. We tried putting her to bed together, but then she’d just get wound up and try climbing out of bed and running off to play. I tried saying night-night to daddy and taking her in there myself, and that’s when the real tantrum hysterics kick in – I have never seen her throw a fit like this. All I can figure is that she just doesn’t want to stop fun time with daddy (even though we’ve had an hour+ of mellow time before bed, it’s not like we interrupt play time for bed), or she’s upset that in the morning when she wakes up he’ll be gone (at work).

I really hope she adjusts soon because I’d really like to spend time with Den, he needs sleep, and when the baby is born it’s likely going to be him putting her to bed.

Well the baby had me a little worried this past week with all the activity she’s been doing. But it appears to be her new consistent schedule – every night around midnight she goes a little nuts. Or maybe it’s not nuts, it just feels like that because she’s so big it all kind of hurts for her to be stretching and kicking like that!

My 37 week appointment went fine and normal, the heartbeat was good and strong from the moment the doppler touched my belly. But I did mention my anxiety attack and the resulting contractions and wondered if we could do something just to ease my mind. So I ended up going friday for a biophysical profile (BPP), which is a quick ultrasound where instead of measuring growth they instead look at things like heartrate, fluid levels and practice breathing to assess if the baby is showing signs of distress. Well Ember is doing just fine in there. And of course by that point I felt like I didn’t really need the ultrasound, but if I do feel any anxiety creeping up again at least I can reassure myself that they checked her and she was fine.

Actually when I started thinking about it it makes sense that her activity level has gone up the week after Den got home – now that he’s running around with Kate all evening I get to actually sit down for an extended period. I’m having less contractions and she’s being more active! I didn’t realize how much I was doing until I no longer had to do it all, I suppose.

Here is one example from late at night.

The heartburn at night got so bad that I threw up one night so I got a prescription for zantac. Wow that stuff works! I take it before bed and NO heartburn all night! No waking up choking feeling ill! I do still have some minor heartburn during the day, but I don’t really care too much, I can take tums or whatever during the day. It was the horrible stuff when I layed down to sleep that was a huge issue; I’m not getting enough sleep as it is. I finally caved and started using another pillow to sleep with, under my knee… I think I started that at 36 weeks. Amazing I got that far before it was an issue! I’m still having troubles sleeping well though, thanks to the contractions that happen when I roll myself over, which make me have to pee really badly. And instead of being exhausted when I fall back into bed I’m wide awake again. My droid has been getting a lot of use.

It’s amazing to me that I’m over 37 weeks pregnant. I don’t have much time left, and I still don’t feel ready to have her. I mean the stuff around the house is pretty much ready: I finally located the newborn clothes and put them away, I packed my hospital bag that night when I was having contractions, the infant car seat is out and ready, the cosleeper is… okay, well that’s still in Kate’s room, we need to move it into our bedroom. But unlike last time I just don’t feel like everything has to be set up perfectly in order to bring her home. However I do still have a list of things to get through before I want her to be born! Tomorrow morning I have a moms brunch to attend; Tuesday I’m babysitting Kate’s BFF all day; Thursday is my class’ final exam; and Saturday is Kate’s birthday party. So I really would like to get through this week! By then I’ll be 38 1/2 weeks and all bets are off.

Holy smokes, I’m 38 weeks, which means I could go into labor any day now. I don’t think that’s going to happen this week, though – my contractions have backed off a ton and I feel nothing going on at all. But who knows. Ember will decide when she’s done and ready to come out. It’s just so bizarre to me that we could bring home another baby any day.

We’re pretty much ready, I mean the basics are washed and sitting here, but it’s very different with this one than with Devin or Kate. With both of my previous pregnancies I was super anxious and needed to have EVERYTHING purchased and set up and ready to go. Everything. The swing had to be assembled, the pack n play set up, clothes for the next 6 months, health kits and medicines and nursing pads and *everything*. This time I’m like, well, if I don’t have something we can go to the store. I am much more laid back in that way.

However the pregnancy bitchiness that I’ve had at a few points during this pregnancy is back again and my patience is just non-existant. I have my good days, but silly little things are making me irrationally frustrated and angry. I know it’s totally hormonal too, because I can just sit here all evening, nothing good or bad happening, Kate’s in bed, Den’s asleep, I’m just putzing around studying for my exam. And yet I am just grouchy. It’s like I am spoiling for someone to say the wrong thing so I can actually have something to be angry about. It’s ridiculous! I dislike feeling this way. I hope the sunshine this weekend chases it away.

Baby Ember remains active and her feet continue to love my ribs. I really like to be able to lean back and recline just to stretch out a little. Heartbeat was good at my appointment today, everything measures normal. I have no sign of impending labor (which is really good right now – exam tomorrow, party on saturday). No cramping, no bleeding, no heavy pelvic feeling, no aching. No leg cramps even! Once in a while I get a pinch in my lower back, but that works out or my chiro fixes it. I feel pretty good, really. The midwife said that’s rare to hear!

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Kate is definitely getting closer to age 2. The attitude seems to be flaring up more, laughing while intentionally doing what we just said not to do. It’s not a big deal and it’s certainly normal, but my patience is wearing thin these days. Especially when she starts slapping my belly. She gets a time-out for that one – hitting is not okay. (And no, she doesn’t mean anything by the belly, she really has no clue what’s going on – it’s just big enough and at the right height to be a good target. Otherwise she hits my knees.) The temper tantrums have increased in frequency, set off by things like, “It’s raining, we’re not going outside,” or, “No it’s not dinnertime, we’re not feeding the dogs right now.” She clearly wants things, and she wants them when she wants them. I am trying to walk the line between minimizing the expected tantrums (which means me hiding things out of her sight or planning distractions) and letting her realize that she just doesn’t get what she wants all the time. Unfortunately she’s having to learn to wait for things. A snack can take a few minutes to prepare; if I need to go pee she’ll need to wait for me to finish before I can get her something. She does seem to understand what the word “wait” means, she repeats it back to me happily… but then of course 2 seconds later she’s asking for the same thing again and stomping her feet and sobbing at me.

The bedtime issues resolved themselves quickly, thank goodness. It was only a day or two after I posted about it that she stopped the screaming thing. Den was able to put her to bed one night, and the next he went to bed first (saying night-night) which seemed acceptable to her. Not that she’s going straight to sleep at 9pm anymore. I do not know what’s up with her, but she is trying to push bedtime later and later. I have to wake her in the morning, she takes her normal nap at the normal time (without a fuss), she’s awake and active all afternoon and evening, and then when we’re trying to wind her down before bed she just keeps running around the house like she’s been eating speed all day. Even if she starts showing signs of being a tiny bit tired she immediately jumps up and runs off to jump on her bed. It’s crazy! I am tired and have had an exam to study for so I’ve been running through the bedtime routine and putting her in bed and leaving, knowing that she is WIDE awake. Last night I heard her playing in her room for 2 hours after I put her down. But the good news is that eventually at some point she crawls onto her bed and falls asleep, no crying. I wish she’d go to sleep sooner, but as long as she’s in her room and not crying I’m fine.

She is still a very sweet girl, though. She’s been saying “Hi!” to random people she sees in stores, waving and saying “Bye bye!” to pretty much everyone. She loves to triumphantly say “Ahhh gone!” when someone has finished a meal. She’s also been asking for hugs a lot lately, which is totally adorable. Of course sometimes she does it for sneaky reasons, like when she’s in her carseat she’s asking for hugs so she can get out. But some are just totally random, and I love that! I love the way she curls up against my chest when I sing her the bedtime song. I love how she cuddles with me early in the morning while we watch TV and her little fingers play with my hands. She tries to help me with chores like sweeping and wiping things down – she gets quite annoyed if I wipe down her highchair tray without letting her do it too. (And I discovered she’s actually pretty good at it, as long as it’s not a big mess.)

We’re currently working on cleaning out the basement room and getting it set up as a play room. Den will have his TV and a new xbox to play with, while Kate will have some newly-pulled-out toys, and it will be a great place for them to go play to give me and the baby a break. Having two floors can be really irritating when you’re going up and down stairs, but there is definitely something to be said for the separation of spaces. (We have only one finished room down there, the rest is unfinished basement/storage.) It will be really nice to get that room clean! Right now we just removed all the collected junk but the room is still covered in dust and needs a thorough cleaning.

Well it’s not her actual birthday yet, but her party was today since I’m due very soon. It rained all week but Saturday dawned as a beautiful, clear, warm day. We couldn’t ask for better! I had rented tables and chairs again, but this year scaled way back on the decorations I attempted. I bought tablecloths and balloons. No crafty things this year. I ordered a cake from a bakery instead of making one myself (and note to self, a 12″ round is kind of huge!). I bought potato salad and made coleslaw. Den grilled burgers and hotdogs. It was such a change from last year, when I was running around trying to get the scrapbook done and the decorations done and the cake made and everything just perfect. This year I sliced up fruit, made some dip, cleaned up a little. Then I spent the party sitting down. Den did the set up and brought out the food.

And Kate? Well Kate was awesome. She had woken up at 6am (three hours early) and I was a little concerned that she’d not be in a good mood by the time the party rolled around, but she took a good nap at her normal time. And mostly she seems to really enjoy having people over! When we first got outside, before anyone arrived, she was playing with her Elmo balloon and new balls and wanted our attention. But then people arrived with kids – her cousins and friends – and I think that was the last I saw of her for a few hours. I kid, I was watching her march around with toys and following the other kids. At one point they all congregated in a corner of the yard where Kate was scratching a stick in the dirt and the other kids were making a “fire” out of leaves and branches. Kate grabbed the hand of grandmas, cousins, and my friends to drag them around for various reasons. She really wasn’t particular, she just wanted someone to help her in the swing or with a toy or just to witness something. She was a total independent spirit today, doing her own thing.

I ate way too much cake and brownies, but oh they were good! Kate also ate a bunch of cake, but I shrugged and said oh well, it’s her party! For one day I’ll let her overindulge. :) She was mostly too busy to eat, she sat still long enough to eat some hot dog and sweet potato and then she was “done” and wiggling down to run off again. Until the cake, of course.

She got some great gifts this year, including a ride-on motorized 4-wheeler that the toddlers all wanted to ride, a t-ball set that we haven’t opened yet but I know she will love, a toddler golf set that everyone was dragging around for the rest of the party (and then trying to swordfight with…. golf clubs got taken away), a folding chair, some color wonder art stuff that will be awesome (and safer than what we do now), and some really cute clothes! I am really happy that I don’t feel inundated with new toys while at the same time she got some stuff that she will really enjoy.

After the party we hung out with my mother in law inside and Kate was wired! Who knows how much from the cake and how much from the fun of the party, but she was being a total silly goose rolling around on her inflatable horse and “jumping” off her chair. She was still going at 9pm (her normal bedtime) but then started to unwind and was in bed at 10pm without a peep.

What a great day! We don’t have people over too often and I really do enjoy hosting on occasion. Kate did really well, the other kids all played together really nicely, the food was good, the company was lovely. And I got to sit and enjoy it!

Nope, not in labor yet. I feel like it’s getting closer, I think sometime this week – but I have been known to be wrong before!

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Kate seems to be feeling better now. She gave Den and I the stuffed up, runny nose that she had. I just can’t breathe through my nostrils, whereas Den has a sore throat and has a worse head. Once we got sick we realized that if this is how she’s been feeling no wonder she’s been so crabby and whiny lately! But yesterday we didn’t really get out much except for a quick errand and a jaunt in the back yard (cut short by bugs!), and yet she happily occupied herself with books and music and drawing. She was much more silly-goose Kate and very little tantrum Kate. We read stories and bounced on balls together. We practiced using her new baseball bat and t-ball set. She gave me many of her adorable little grins. It was a good day, and I think she’s feeling better overall.

She is all about playing outside now, which I’m sure shocks no one who has or has had a toddler. She loves her swing and asks us to help her into it often. She loves digging in the dirt with her little shovels. She has a toddler slide that right now is used to drop balls down – apparently observing cause and effect is more interesting than sliding down herself. She also likes going for walks in the yard and down our quiet street, pointing out and picking up leaves and sticks along the way. This works perfectly for me because I in no way care to be power-walking right now. Though she does tend to try marching into peoples’ yards. I keep thinking I want to take her to the nature trails in the local park, but the weather has not been conducive at all to outdoor activities so we’ve only been going out briefly and sticking close to the house in case it does rain. She really loves “bee-bass” – baseball. She got a t-ball set for her birthday that she is pretty darned happy with, but any bat and ball will do in a pinch. She’s not very coordinated at it yet and tends to try to do it one-handed, but she definitely enjoys hitting the ball in any way possible.

Yesterday I found my exercise/birth ball in our storage shed but it was grossly dirty so Kate helped me wash it with soapy water. And then while I was turning off the hose she pushed it down the hill in our yard. And pushed it back up. She reminded me of Sisyphus. When I got it dried off and inside I threw a sheet over it and used it at my computer desk. Kate saw this and came running over asking to sit on the ball. I directed her to go get her large ball, which she did, and then she held my hands as we both sat on our balls and bounced. Den got a picture but it’s on the camera which is not within arms reach… so I’ll post it later. (Maybe. If I remember.)

She can jump now! “Jump! Jump!” she’ll say as she hops around the living room, getting both feet off the ground. She likes the stability of holding on to something (furniture or my hands), and she will jump off of objects like cushions or books. She’s trying to jump off furniture, but only if holding my hands (thank goodness)… and she squats and does a slide off/jump instead of a crazy jump. I am very glad she is a cautious kid! I’d like to get her a small trampoline, but most are so expensive.

Clothes are a major love of hers. Every day I find her clothes in a large pile in her bedroom, or strewn about the room. If given the chance she will grab an armful and carry them into the living room. She takes off her socks frequently and is working on getting other clothing items off. I feel like my house is constantly this big laundry explosion. Often I can’t even tell which or clean or dirty, since she’ll dump out her laundry basket too. She wears clothes on her head, she struggles to get on a second pair of pants (but can’t get them all the way on yet). She puts my socks on her hands like mitts. While I do think a lot of that is adorable and I don’t want to totally take away her fun, I’m also getting very tired of putting things back in her drawers. I’d like them to stay somewhat organized and it’s just a giant mess right now. I’m looking for some way to keep her out of her drawers, there are a few different types of locks out there.

We have discovered on Netflix a show/documentary for kids about animals called Animal Atlas. We now have frequent requests for “amimaas?” (animals). I like the show because it is geared for kids, giving lots of little facts about different wild animals, and Kate loves to just shout out the name of each animal. Animals in general are just big with her right now, she loves books with animal pictures. I really want to take her to the zoo if the sun comes out. She will totally love it this year!

Letters and numbers are still a big deal with her. She now knows what sound each letter makes thanks to her LeapTop and letters magnets. She can identify all her letters, and she’ll say some of them in order but she hasn’t yet got the whole alphabet together yet. She loves us singing the alphabet song though. For numbers she quickly and easily gets to 11 or 12, but then the teens she either skips them all or gets a couple and then she shouts “Tenty! Yaayyyy!” I love how excited and proud she gets when working with her letters and numbers. She points out letters and numbers all the time on signs and menus and anything else she sees.

Singing is very appealing to her right now too. I mentioned singing her a lullaby before bed now and so as soon as we go into the bedroom she’s asking for “Singa?” She’s quiet for the song and then asks for “Singa?” again. The song I sing to her is Morningtown Ride, and sometimes I’ll hum some Brahm’s Lullaby. For books she now knows which ones are nursery rhymes or songs and she brings them to me insistently, pointing at the page and tapping until I comply. Snuggle Puppy is a favorite right now because I always sing the song part (in my own made-up song – I have no idea what the actual song is, if there is one). She skips the pages with talking and goes straight to the song part.

As far as speech goes she repeats everything we say and catches on to new words very quickly. She’s not always super clear with her words, though, and she’ll pull out some signs in an effort to get me to understand her – which helps a lot. A lot of times I can deduce what she’s trying to say based on context, but there are times she’ll just randomly come up to me and repeat the same word over and over and I just don’t know what it is! I’ve figured out that what sounds like “sega” is actually “cracker.” Not close at all. Confuses the hell out of us. (And usually sparks a very dramatic whine and stomp because no, no more crackers!) She is not stringing words together yet. Everything she says are one-word orders! “Mama! Mama! Eat? Eat? Eat? Highcha?” Well, she phrases most words as questions, with her voice rising at the end, but even disguised as a question it is still clearly a command.

The tantrums are not nearly as bad now as they were a few days ago, but she’s added certain flair to her stomping. She throws up her hands, whines and fake-sobs, then throws her arms and head forward and down as she stomps on the ground (once or multiple times). It’s a very familiar ritual we see repeated around here – and I’m sure we’ll be seeing a lot more of it. She’s definitely figured out that she doesn’t like being told no and she’s going to try to convince us otherwise. Sadly the tantrum does not work very well on us as it either makes us laugh (and not give her what she wants) or irritated (and not give her what she wants). We definitely have to stick to our response though – there are times when I’ve though, “Well, I could have given her one more,” but now I can’t reward her behavior. Most of the time she shrugs it off pretty easily and moves on to something else as soon as she sees it didn’t work, but there are times when she’s overtired or not feeling well that she just melts down sobbing over something ridiculous. On those occasions I try to hug her and rock her and get her calmed down – but I still won’t give her what she was demanding. Poor kiddo just gets so overwhelmed with frustration sometimes. I know that must suck.

Mostly we think she is just a brilliant, adorable, funny little girl. She seems so at-ease with the world around her, so vibrant and curious yet cautious and contemplative. She loves to give hugs and kisses to us. She is just so joyful. And we are so very lucky to have her in our lives.

Monday morning I checked my cervix and it felt very different from a week ago! Last week it felt same as usual, soft and posterior. But this time it felt quite different and I thought quite dilated. That startled me quite a bit and I realized that this really could happen at any time now. I’m starting to get some pelvic twinges during the day (those are new), but no real contractions other than the random braxton-hicks I get throughout the day. So just out of curiosity I had the midwife check me at my 39 week appointment… 1.5cm on the outside, funneled. That might be disappointing for some people, but for I let out a sigh of relief that at least that gives me more time when I do go into labor!

I’m so glad to have made it to 39 weeks! I feel like I have officially reached the end stage, full term, emotionally ready to go. After Devin it has been such a goal of mine to with both subsequent pregnancies to get right up to my due date. This has not been the easiest pregnancy, but it’s likely my last and now I find myself taking a lot of pictures and video and trying to just remember how this feels. I’m in no rush for labor. I’m looking forward to it and a little anxious about Kate being away. I’m definitely feeling big and getting slow to get up and move around – I forget I have no stomach muscles and struggle to get up off the couch sometimes (rolling off can be easier!). Getting up takes effort and tends to squash Ember into my bladder. This makes playing with a toddler annoying for both of us! I never realized how many times she made requests that require me to get up: snack, milk, water, different TV show, toy is stuck, diaper, not to mention her just wanting me to follow her and play with her! Even standing for too long makes my feet ache. I can definitely feel all those extra pounds I’m carrying (around 35lbs). What else… A bit of heartburn sometimes. An achy hip when I wake up after sleeping too many hours on one side. But I’m still good. Just slower. I’m not a fan of putting out effort right now. The whole nesting/cleaning thing? Over it. I’ll do the basics.

My appointment was fine and normal as always, blood pressure is low, baby’s moving around and her heartrate is good, fundal height is good. The midwife today said she does feel like her head is pretty low, which is what I’ve been feeling too – not super low, but lower than it was, I’m starting to get little cervical twinges at times. Her estimate for this baby is around 7lbs like Kate. So I’m sticking with my original guess that this one will weight a little bit more than Kate at birth. I have friends guessing that I’ll have her Saturday or Sunday, the same gestation I had Kate at. The weekend would be really ideal for me because every route we have to the hospital is under some sort of construction, I do NOT want to be stuck in the weekly rush hour traffic.

Mood-wise I’m feeling much more mellow right now. I went through an angry phase, but I think that was in part due to stress of getting things (school) done before I went into labor. Now everything is wrapped up for me and I have nothing on the calendar – which is also a bad thing because it’s boring. It’s also been raining a lot lately, which definitely never helps my moods. I’m still a little touchy (just ask Den!) and can and will snap for very minor reasons, but I’ve been trying to just settle in and find my happy place. Music has been a good way to do that…. music and the sunshine we had today.

So people are starting to say, “STILL haven’t had that baby yet?!” I know it may seem like I’ve been pregnant forever, but I’m not even at my due date yet! Sheesh, people are impatient. My mom I swear sits by the phone every single day. I called her to chat the other day since I missed her call and she literally screamed when she answered. Guess I won’t be calling my mom for the next week.

The next thing people ask is, “How are you feeling?” This is usually said with a tone of sympathy. And I respond that, errr, actually I’m fine. Still minor complaints here and there, she kicks my ribs and I get a bit of heartburn now and again. But as far as get this baby out of me, I’m done? Nah. I’m doing really good. Which makes me think it’s going to be another week or two. I mean, who feels fine as their due date approaches? That’s just weird.

No signs of impending labor. I’m getting a little bit more pressure down low, but that’s because she’s head down and a little lower. Also because she’s getting bigger and when she goes all active kicking I think she is kicking off my uterus walls and pushing down. But contractions still are just random during the day, no spotting, no CM, no achy feelings… nada.

So we sit and wait. And play Diablo 3. Cause that’s how I roll. (Yay for a distraction!)

2 years ago I was in labor. Well, actually 2 years ago right this minute I was fast asleep because my contractions had totally stopped. I was woken up at 3am by them starting up again and Kate was born at 6:05 in the morning after a hectic “oh my god I can’t believe I waited at home that long” drive that I have no intention of repeating. It’s kind of bizarre to be sitting here with my very large belly, so close to going into labor. It certainly brings back so many memories.

Kate of course took the opportunity this evening to not fall asleep for 2 hours past bedtime. But tomorrow is her day so I’ll let her sleep as much as she needs so she can be in a good mood. I don’t really have anything planned. I’m going to put her birthday dress on her again (oh how I love that dress!) and take a million pictures outside to try to get some good portraits. (Everyone said taking pictures of a toddler is frustrating… I didn’t really believe them until we got there and she refuses to look at the camera and smile at the same time. Even getting her to look in my direction is ridiculous.) We put together her gift (a play kitchen) so it’s ready to be brought in to surprise her tomorrow. And then I got a very small birthday cake for us all to share at dinner. Of course that will lead to her asking for birthday cake for the next week, but like I said, it’s her birthday. ;)

I’m feeling really kind of protective of my time with her right now, knowing that everything is going to change so very soon. I wanted to do some special things just with her and I so I could spend my time really consciously with her. I get so tired, though, it’s hard to keep up with her when she wants to climb on the playground equipment over and over again. Thankfully she’s now quite coordinated and sure-footed so I feel okay letting her go up things and down slides by herself. She certainly has so much energy – though I don’t know how much of my viewpoint is skewed by my exhaustion and how much really is just her bursting with toddler energy. Though she is still really happy to sit on the couch with one of us and read books (over and over and over again). I try to make it interesting (for me, haha) by not just reading the book to her, but then going through and asking her where the ___ is, or what sound does that make, or what is that there. She gets so excited when she points things out or calls out answers; I love how she kicks her legs happily and looks up at me with glee.

We just love watching her grow and learn. There is just so much going on in their heads all the time! It’s utterly amazing to watch how fast she picks up new words now, now she can point out all these animals in her books and recites the alphabet and counts. She’s this fountain of new knowledge and it really is just fascinating. She’s now developing an opinion about things and wants things done a certain way (she wanted that handed to mommy first!). Having a two year old is going to be a challenge at times – as evidenced by the bizarrely huge tantrums that she throws once in a while – but I also think it’s going to be a whole lot of fun.

Two years. That’s just amazing. It’s really hard to believe it’s been that long already!

So… no signs of impending labor at all. Every morning Den asks how I’m feeling (he tries to judge if he has a chance of getting out of going to work, lol!), and every day I shrug. Same as yesterday, same as the day before! This week I’ve been to the mall and the park/zoo, both while following a crazy toddler, but that clearly isn’t going to put me in labor (despite what others may think, judging by their sidelong glances). Baby girl is happy in there. I am still feeling fine so there’s no physical reason for me to want to be done, though I am feeling ready to meet her. I just don’t really want to get into June. I have a thing about numbers.

I was not nervous about this birth leading up to full term. I was a little worried about her coming early and crashing my exam or something, but the actual labor and birth experience I was all pumped up for. Yeah, let’s do this! So excited! And then I hit 39 weeks, ran out of things on my to-do list, and started twiddling my thumbs and thinking too much. Now I’m starting to get slightly anxious. It’s the unknown factor. The only thing I can count on is that it’s not going to be the same as my last birth, or the one before that, because every birth is a different experience. Plus I worry now about what time of day will it be, will Kate be sleeping, how long will I be away from her.

But mostly what I’ve been doing is playing Diablo 3. It works on my laptop, which is a small miracle, and it’s a great way to spend my downtime without overthinking anything!

First pregnancy, a month early: “I have to sort all the baby clothes and get every piece of furniture set up and make sure the entire house is spotless before the baby even thinks of coming!”

Third pregnancy, 2 days overdue: “Hon, if I go into labor tonight you’re going to have to buy cat food.”

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Luckily I don’t have to deal with it too very much – my circle knows better than to actually call me – but emails and messages asking if there is baby news gets quite old. If there was news, I’d have posted it. I am not exactly a secretive person. I’m also a FB addict so family will find out as soon as anything happens. Though my mom still reminds me not to forget to call her.

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I am now 4 days overdue, but I am starting to have some more BH contractions, so that makes me think things are gearing up. It could be tonight or in 6 days, who knows, but I definitely feel better feeling something at all! This baby seems to be quite happy in there.

My temper has gone downhill too. That’s not really a good thing, but I’m just tired and cranky. Kate was for most of the day a really good kid. Until evening. That’s when she decided that the best way to get attention from mama – even though daddy was there with her, playing and interacting – was to jump on me, slap me, throw things at me, and touch things I told her not to touch. I remained calm (for the most part), but inside my head is a voice shrieking “Just don’t touch me!! Stop it!!” Grump grump. And then I feel bad because I want to spend time with her and I love her to death, but when she threw herself full-body on top of my belly while I was having a contraction, well, I just started a mental countdown until her bedtime.

I feel very tired, very worn out. Doing pretty much anything exhausts me. It’s all I can do to keep the dishes washed, Kate’s dirty clothes in the hamper. Forget picking up toys and making sure the washer and dryer don’t have crap piled all over them. And anything requiring bending over makes me kind of nauseated and light-headed at the same time.

I think I’m really moving into a mental space of “Want the baby on the outside now.” I want to meet her. I want to hold her.