From the prescribing information for Celexa and Zoloft:

Celexa:

Zoloft:

Well that sure doesn’t help clear things up for me. 2 reports? I mean, obviously one would hope for no negative side-effects. What what kind of risks are we looking at here? 2 out of how many?

So what’s my plan: find a Lactation Consultant to, err, consult with… which I can search for online. And then talk with the pediatrician about it. Then go from there.

Added:

Searching Toxnet for citalopram gave far more information.

Interesting.

I brought out my “Pregnancy, Week by Week” book to take a peek inside since it’s been a while since I did. I read, “Week 30 – At this point in your pregnancy, your baby weighs about 3 pounds.” I was all, “Wow.”

Then I flipped ahead. “Week 31… 3.5 pounds. Week 32… 4 pounds. HOLY CRAP!” Den just kind of looked at me and said, “Umm, well, the baby’s going to have to start gaining here if he’s going to get big for delivery.” I know this, but… still! I have a 3 pounder inside me right now! He’s growing so fast, too. It’s just hard to imagine.

I love that the book also has a little call-out box under Week 30 that says, “It may be hard to believe you still have 10 weeks to go!”

::

I ate a lot early today… I had a pretty good breakfast (2 eggs, scrambled, plus 2 slices of flax bread toast with jam), then after we’d hit up Home Depot we stopped for lunch – sweet potato fries (oh yum!) and a chicken ceasar wrap. I felt so huge by the time we got home. I guess baby plus all that food was just a little too much. Den started doing some work around the house and I fully intended to help him, but I had to lay on my side while waiting for him to move some stuff because I was uncomfortable… and I ended up falling asleep right there. He let me sleep for nearly 4 hours! Yeesh.

When I woke up I got a snack (an apple) and then Den picked out a movie to watch online. So we cuddled up in bed and watched it on my laptop. :) It was just so nice to cuddle with my hubby and watch a movie. My belly was sticking up so far though, it’s funny. Sometimes the movie-watching was punctuated by my belly bulging up in front, I’d point to it and we’d stare as the kiddo moved around. Den even got to feel a really big kick, usually he only feels the smaller movements, not the ones that make me jump every so often (the kid is pretty strong!). It was a nice evening.

::

So what was Den doing on the house? Here’s one thing he did: started tearing down the ugly panelling from our bedroom. Here’s a description for you. Our bedroom is 4/5 covered in ugly, smoke-stained off-white-painted panelling. That’s bad enough. The last 1/5? Is green felt. I am not kidding. Two of the large sections of panelling are covered in… green felt. Apparently it was some kind of quilting wall. We know it as the ugly green wall. Felt is not only good for quilting, it is fantastic at collecting fur. Who has to brush their wall?? So Den decided to start pulling it down today on a whim.

And underneath? THIS!! It even smells like smoke. Lovely right?? (But don’t worry.. the worst wallpaper is in Devin’s room. Wait til I can get a picture of it… it’s truly horrifying.)

I can’t decide which is worse. *gag*

Then while I slept Den worked in the basement, tearing down the rest of the crap that’s still in there. He needs to get it all cleared out because today we ordered most of the building materials needed to frame and drywall his new office down there. The menfolk will be doing that next weekend, and hopefully getting that mostly done. How exciting. I am staying out of it, though… it’s all up to them. Even the painting.

So while they’re doing that I can hopefully be taking down wallpaper and painting the bedroom. (Not sure how I’ll manage that, being pregnant in mid-winter, but I guess I’ll have to open windows.) We really want to get the bedroom painted before Devin comes… get rid of all this ugly old panelling… get rid of the ugly wallpaper… and finally get it looking half-decent. No more fabric wall. This could actually be a nice room, for once.

Devin’s room is saved for last because we simply can’t do much with it until everything gets moved out… it has Den’s desk and computer, the futon, and a bunch of bookcases. All of which need to get moved to the basement, when that room is done down there.

One step at a time, I guess. I’m getting excited to see the house shaping up, though. It will be quite something to not be ashamed and grossed out by any room in our house!

I have sat down to write a journal entry the past two evenings now, and either I end up with a blank screen or a ton of totally discombobulated ramblings that don’t really have much to do with anything. Evenings and me aren’t working out so well… I just get too tired to put sentences together. (Actually, I’m pretty tired this morning as well, but not much I can do about that unless I think I have time for a nap.) So I apologise to everyone (to my readers, to my blog) for not writing. I like to write often just for my own record-keeping.

::

I want to give a shout-out to two of the fabulous girls I met last year.

Lady-In-Waiting at Purgatory just got two great betas. I’m so excited for her and all my fingers are crossed that everything continues to go really smoothly for her!!

You may or may not have heard around the blog-sphere, but Mary Ellen at Not According To Plan is pregnant with triplets. Her pregnancy is currently very precarious, and I’m scared as shit for her. She is 18 weeks along and her cervix is not holding, despite the cerclage… she’s on bedrest and being monitored very closely. She’s counting down to viability. I swear every time I check her blog (daily) I hold my breath and only let it out when I see there’s no news or good news. I can’t even put into words how much I’m thinking about her and hoping beyond hope that those babies stay in there safe and sound.

::

Devin is apparently head down a lot lately, because I have to pee…. every 10 seconds. I am not real fond of this feeling. (Although, despite having to go frequently I still actually have to go a good amount, it’s not just a fake pee. So I can’t ignore it either.)

Of course then yesterday he wasn’t so low, and instead every time I sat at my desk he was kicking me high on my right side… slouching even a little bit pushed him into my ribs. The last two days I had some good-sized meals, which resulted in me feeling very squashed inside for some time. I had to walk around and lean back and stretch on the couch in order to give my insides some breathing room.

I believe this is what one might call “between a rock and a hard place.” Running out of room in there!

::

The night sweats are back. I am not amused. Now I hear a lot of pregnant ladies, even the ones who are cold when they go to bed, say they wake up sweaty and burning up. This is not my problem. My problem is that I wake up sweaty and freezing cold. I don’t even understand how that’s possible, but there it is… I wake up with my sheets drenched in sweat, sweat dripping down between my boobs and all over my body, and I’m shivering for all I’m worth. It is beyond gross, and extremely frustrating… it’s impeding my sleep, and I can’t even just roll over and fall back asleep, I have to get up and towel myself off. Ugh! The only reason for it I can figure is that my body overheats itself while I’m asleep, goes into sweat-overdrive mode to cool down, which then works too well and my body temp falls like crazy waking me up in shivers. So body? Stop overcorrecting, you idiot!!

Also back are the leg cramps… I haven’t been drinking enough water lately, and I can tell. Ugh. I need to keep on top of that.

Between those two things and my hips sleep has sucked lately. I’m just flat-out exhausted, and I know it’s because I’m not getting enough good sleep.

Most of the time I think about this point in pregnancy and I’m like, “Wow! I’m 7 months pregnant! Where did the time go??” Den pointed out that it’s been over 6 months since we found out we were expecting. And it seems to have just flown by! But then there are times when my belly is feeling awkward and heavy, when I’m tired and gassy and my hips are sore, that I think to myself, 2 months left… if I’m feeling like this now, how am I going to feel in 2 months?? Oh yes, I am starting to see why women want their babies evicted by the end. I’m certainly not there yet. But in 2 months? Yeah. I could see that.

The kid is very… awake. I’m watching my belly roll around… if I lay my hand there I can feel his feet moving around… two smallish hard things pushing up against my hand. :) As time goes by I feel like I get to “know” him better and better. Before he was a stranger who would sometimes knock at the door to let me know he was still there. Now I can feel every movement… I know when he’s awake or asleep, and I am learning which body parts are pushing at me. The other day I was feeling the large solid part that I can only assume was his back. And it was really stunning to me to realize that I was feeling our baby with my hand. Just now as his foot is pressing hard upwards, I press downwards and feel him kick against my hand. Just a few layers of muscle and skin separate us. We can interact.

I love this kid so much already. Every week I seem to love him even more. What an amazing day it will be when we get to meet him.

::

Today was birth class week 4 and we went over transition and second stage labor.

I’ve always heard of transition as such a horrible time, a big hurdle… and yet it only lasts a short while! I’m a little nervous, but I’m confident Den can keep me on-track and keep reminding me that I’m almost at the end.

We went over a lot about pushing – the best positions to push in, the worst, what your body’s doing and how to help it. She said pushing often feels good, productive, because it’s something you actively participate in – unless first stage labor when your cervix is dialating and the best thing you can do is relax and let your uterus do its job. She stressed waiting for the urge to push – which apparently happens because the baby’s head is descended so far down that it’s pressing on your rectum and gives you that need-to-poop feeling. Great huh? Clever bodies.

I have the feeling I’ll like a modified squat position for birthing… propped up in bed with pillows or held up by my husband. Of course only time will tell for that one!

We also wrote down on little cards 5 things our partner has done to prepare for the birth and one way in which they could improve. Each couple shared one positive thing they wrote. What really struck me was how close each couple was connected. I really do feel like this is a team effort for all three of the couples, and I’m sure it’s a common thread with Bradley classes (you know, with the “husband-coached childbirth” thing). I just love that we’re birthing the baby together… that the class stresses how important Den is to the process and gives him all these things to focus on and do instead of just sit there and hope for the best.

I like how they speak directly to the husbands for a lot of things. They’ll talk in great detail about what the mother’s going to be experiencing, and then they’ll point out the things the coach needs to make note of (like emotional signposts) and list some good things for them to do at that point. I just think Den is going to be such an awesome birth partner now that he knows what to expect and has some ideas of what to say or do. (Of course he knows “Shut up! And stop touching me!” will always be a valid response for me to give him, lol!)

The relaxation at the end of class was pretty typical – get in the side-laying position all propped up with my pillows, get comfortable, then focus on relaxing my body and breathing deep with my belly. The instructor went down different muscle groups, getting us to focus on one at a time and making sure there was no tension in them. What really helped the most was having Den touch each spot as we went over it. It’s one thing to think “Okay, need to relax my lower back muscles…” and another to have him gently rubbing right there. It really brings your attention to that spot and sometimes I’d find tension there that I didn’t notice before. I also made note that I tend to carry tension in my shoulders. Several times I had to intentionally relax them. I guess we’ll have to watch that one in labor (and other times too).

::

I had a chiropractic appointment yesterday morning. I’ve been having them roughly every 5 days since I started – I have another on Friday and then they’ll start spacing them out more. I normally would get quite upset at having to go this frequently (we only have a copay but those add up quickly in a short time period), but I seriously feel so much better that I really can’t complain about anything. Whatever they do, it works, and that’s all I need to know right now to follow their schedule.

I did start to get a little bit of that hip pain back this past weekend – I could just feel it start niggling at me – I mentioned it yesterday and now it’s gone again. The interesting part was when she was pressing lightly on my lower back, she asked if that hurt. “Nope,” I said. She moved up my back a little at a time, massaging. Oh yeah, THEN I started feeling it. Know how I said I carry tension in my shoulders? Well everything in my upper back between my shoulder blades is SO tight it’s painful. She wasn’t touching hard or anything, but I sure felt it. She pressed sharply between my shoulder blades and I swear I heard a crack all the way up my spine. Yikes.

It’s all of course from the way my belly is throwing my center of balance off. I commented to Den today how I notice I’m leaning back further than I used to, to make up for the weight of the belly. It definitely pulls on the spine. I’ve always had a very arched back, and now it’s even worse.

A part of me really wonders what would have happened had I seen a chiropractor years and years ago, back when I had a lot of back problems. When I worked at Subway, working 8 hour shifts on my feet… adults would tell me that my body just wasn’t used to being on my feet that long, that it was normal. But I’m still pretty certain that it is not normal to come home from work, lay on your bed in tears, and be unable to move for a good hour due to the back pain. Other normal people manage to work shifts on their feet without that much of an issue – of course there’s always going to be aches and pains, but that bad? So it makes me wonder.

::

Due to the very crappy sleep I’ve been getting I have been very tired and approaching “cranky.” Okay, so I was extremely cranky this morning. Despite having “things that need to get done” I ended up taking a 2-3 hour nap – I even hit the snooze button three times, which I never do. (It’s a good thing I did though – I have this habit of just turning off the alarm… and falling back asleep. Not good when you have work to get to.) Boy did that nap help reset my personality. I felt decently human again.

But, it’s time for sleep again. I hope tonight goes better than the past two nights or I’m going to get cranky again.

Let me just go over a few somewhat unique pregnancy exercises I find myself doing daily. Maybe some people do these as a matter-of-course, I don’t know… but I didn’t!

The Scoot-n-Slide. When I’m in bed and need to get up, this is never as simple as just swinging my legs out of bed and standing up. No, this requires swinging my legs over the side, then scooting my ass across the mattress until I’m practically falling off the edge. Then I lean forward to balance the weight over my feet, and only then can I stand up. Sometimes I mess this one up and find myself sitting in bed flailing my arms and legs uselessly. Den tries very hard not to laugh at me.

The squat. This usually occurs after a pause, sometimes a swear. Drop something? Need to pick something up or put it down? Bending over is a surefire way to strain my back, make me dizzy, and give me heartburn all at once. So it’s time for the squat. (Which is great, because I’m supposed to be spending time squatting according to my Bradley class!) Getting up is fun because I have to push my butt up first, sticking it up in the air, and let the rest of my body (ie, the belly) follow. I must look so great at work, doing this every 5 minutes!

The Situp. There are some things one takes for granted, and one of those things was the ability to sit up. Whether I’m laying down in bed or simply propped nearly upright with a small mountain of pillows, leaning forward and sitting up is… a challenge. This has been going on for months now, since my stomach muscles started getting very weak very quickly! But it’s worse now that I have this big belly to contend with. Last night I was propped up with pillows and I was rearranging the blankets on my lap so I could have a nice spot to put my laptop – which I had left sitting by my legs. So I’m sitting there, fixing the blankets, leaning this way and that to get everything adjusted. I flop back into my pillow for a breather. Then I give a grunt, stretch my arms out and flail around a little, and slowly sit back up in order to reach forward and grab my laptop… pull it onto my lap… then flop back into the pillows with a large exhale. Den was watching me and didn’t even bother to cover his laugh. I must look pretty darn funny!

::

Devin got some gifts in the mail yesterday! It’s just so exciting, I get giddy. :D

A forum friend of mine gave us some stuff she finds really useful: a 9m zippered sleeper (for when they “get to that wiggly age,” she said, lol), a mesh feeder that she uses all the time for her twins, some ring links to attach the feeder to the stroller (or toys or whatever), some lavender lotion and bath wash, saline drops, and gas drops. :D

And then from that same forum I got my shower swap gift! (Those of us who participated in the shower swap got assigned one person to buy a shower gift for.) She got us the Sassy Mirror that babies seem to like so much, and a tube of lansinoh cream (which will come in handy, I am sure!!).

I do have another shower swap gift from another forum’s swap, but for that one we’re all waiting to open it at the same time! So I have to just sit here with an unopened box taunting me. Now whose idea was this, KEL? :P

I do some surveys online in my free time… I rack up points to hopefully redeem for a pitifully small amount of money. But I have time, I have lots of opinions, so why not actually put them to use. Someone wants to hear me.

Today’s survey was about happiness. I’m not really sure what use a survey like this would be put to. They asked all kinds of questions, asked you to rank your level of happiness in multiple life areas (life, body, work, family, relationship, etc etc), to select what things would make you happier, to evaluate if you were working to improve your happiness in areas. It really made me think.

First of all, I’m really pretty happy with my life overall. I know I’ve been a miserable bitch for a lot of my life (no really – even cutting out the depression I dealt with for many years, I’m a pessimistic type-A who freaks out a lot), but the past 6-7 months since finding out I was carrying an alien in my belly have been freaking fabulous. And it’s not like anything else about life has changed – same jobs, same clients, same house, same dogs and cats. But my priorities sure have shifted. I could do nothing all day but lay here and feel my baby move around inside me and be extremely happy with my life. I’ve become a happy person, and it’s a little weird to be honest.

There are a few things I realized in greater clarity while I was rating things in this survey:

* My friendships are very important to me. I may not have a lot of friends in “real” life but I have a lot of online friends that are near and dear to me. I admit this blog is much more of a one-sided conversation and is maintained mostly for my own records. But the forums I belong to have led me to some really great people. And no, while I don’t go over and eat pizza and go shopping and “hang out” with my friends, we share laughs and photos and information and form very important emotional support systems. They are a large part of my happiness.

* I understand now that my ideal job is not working from home. I used to think it was. But you know what? It doesn’t make me happy.

* Money does make me happy. Not having it, but spending it on the house. There were these questions like “Would you pay $10,000 to be prettier?” And I was all like, “Ummm, gimme the $10,000!” To have a nicer body, to be sexier, to have a personal assistant… whatever. Just give me an additional bedroom on the house, ged rid of the panelling, finish the basement, and put up trim everywhere and I’ll be a freaking happy lady. I have priorities, apparently. So this work that’s being done on my house, it is definitely making me feel happy!

* Despite knowing specific areas that I need to improve in order to be happier – like keeping in better shape, keeping a cleaner house, and organizing my home and work life better – I don’t do a very good job at it. Or even trying to. Hell even the house improvements… was there really any reason that I couldn’t have just painted the hallway or the ceiling? No. Just laziness. :( I know that “rest” and “alone time” and “time spent with my hobbies/things I love to do” are high on my list, but it’s a darn shame that I can’t seem to motivate myself to do things that would actually make me feel happier in the long run. I really need to work on that.

Enough introspection. Time to go read a book before bed…. if I can manage to get into a comfortable enough reading position.

For breakfast I just had a 2-egg omelette with a bunch of melted cheese on it, two slices of toast with jam, half a banana, a glass of orange juice, and some water. Do you know how many grams of protein that is? A lot. Eggs and cheese are a fantastic combo. I really appreciate meals where I can hit well over 20g of protein in one shot. Makes the rest of my day much easier… especially since I’ve been craving junk lately.

Yesterday for dinner – and this is all Kel’s fault – I went to McDonald’s and got nuggets, fries, and a milkshake. The nuggets were a disappointment, and this is not the first time. I sadly must conclude that pregnant-me does not like nuggets. The fries, however, were delicious. I love me some mcd’s fries, eeek. And the milkshake… well I only ever order a small, and usually that is too much for me. Yesterday I wanted a medium. And I drank the whole damn thing. Yep, pregnant me likes milkshakes just fine.

The chocolate cravings, they are getting bad. I bought some Dove Dark Chocolate bars the other day at the convenience store – don’t know why, but I love those right now (but only the dark chocolate). I’ve limited myself to just a couple of pieces of it a day, so far so good. I also seriously seriously love gummi bears (two very small – too small – packages inhaled the other night), twizzlers, and any other sort of candy. I am keeping that shit out of my house to the best of my ability (except the gummi bears, and I don’t regret that because YUM). Why oh why isn’t candy good for you? Life would be so much easier.