Very quick post tonight while I wait for a file to send through email… I hope everyone in the U.S. had a good Thanksgiving. I know I’m totally beat… I ate far too much and felt like my belly was stretching out of my skin. But it was all so good, and I couldn’t turn down desert! Maybe I will end up putting on those 5lbs the nutritionist wanted to see. ;) (Doubt that.)

Biggest news of the evening… we arrived at noon to help prepare for the big meal, and BIL’s twin 7 year old daughters came running over to say hi. Den was saying to them, “We’re going to have a baby! Cool huh?” (since they only recently had been told about our pregnancy.) The girls responded with, “So is [SIL]!” Confusion ensued for a few seconds as they shoved an ultrasound photo in my hand and Den and I took a moment to realize that they weren’t just being silly.

So yeah. SIL is 13 weeks pregnant, due at the end of May. I’m still sorting through how I feel about it all. Happy – of course, yes, I am happy for them! This is not a total surprize, I knew they were going to be TTC soon. But to find out she’s 13 weeks along already?? That part has me thrown for a bit of a loop, I admit it. I had no clue. (She’s not showing at all. I had more of a belly at 6 weeks than she does at 13! Not that I’m complaining about that, I just find it funny!)

It’s always a bit of a stunner to me to be reminded how easily some people get pregnant you know? Like it seems like the most natural thing in the world. You decide you want a baby, you go off your pills, you have sex, you get pregnant. The concept seems so foreign to me, it really does. What does it feel like to just have it work out like that? Not that I begrudge people who are lucky! I can’t possibly hold it against people. But yeah, I do wonder sometimes why we got the short end of the stick, why it was so hard for us. Being pregnant doesn’t erase the hurt. It helps – oh HELL yeah. But things come up and you remember that you aren’t normal.

BUT I can’t sit here and have a pity party for myself. I’m a little stunned, but I really am thrilled for them. Both of us are. When she started talking about TTC (when I got pregnant is when she really got serious about the idea) I got really excited, because wouldn’t it be SO cool to have the kids close in age? These kids, these cousins, are going to be able to go through life together. My brother is super close to one of our cousins, always has been, so I know how beneficial it can be. So for that reason I’m really hoping she has a boy! What fun they would have.

Plus I’m thinking that it’ll be nice for me! To be able to hang out at SIL’s with the two babies, helping each other out… I think that’ll be really cool, and I think we’ll be able to bond over our shared experiences… and have another adult to talk to while the men work.

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Today Devin was kicking a little bit throughout the day here and there. When we got home after 11pm and I sat in bed with my laptop while Den watched TV… he threw a party in there. I put Den’s hand on my belly and had to “chase” the kicks for a while until he stopped moving. Den didn’t get any big, obvious kicks, but he did get to feel some slight movement! It felt to me like Devin was doing more of just nudging/pushing or moving around in there. Just little bumps. But Den thinks he did feel something a couple of times, though I know it was hard to tell. So that’s pretty cool!! I think Den was pretty happy, though I know he’d be happier if he felt something really obvious. We’ll keep trying to catch a big kick for him. Shouldn’t be much longer now, especially if we catch another really active period like tonight. Devin actually still hasn’t stopped, though he’s slowed down a lot.

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Okay that wasn’t as short as I intended… I need some flippin’ sleep!! Some people still have to go into work as usual!

Some photos taken yesterday. Neither of us are happy with the photo of both of us – Den was just tired and it’s unflattering. :( So we’re going to have to retake it… I really want a photo for our christmas card, but time is rapidly running out!

Happy day-after-Thanksgiving! Hope everyone is recouperating. I decided to go into work tomorrow instead of today, I just don’t feel good… I’m tired, hungry, and wicked cranky. :/ Lovely combo right?

Oh my goodness, so this is what people mean when they talk about bad heartburn. Yick!! This is some nasty, burny shit I tell you. I’ve been having some minor heartburn off and on…. no real pattern to it, and it wasn’t all that disruptive, just irritating. But I fell asleep and woke up feeling like my throat was on fire. I ate a slice of bread with creamcheese and drank a glass of milk in an attempt to settle things. (I tried Maalox first, that didn’t help.) Guess there won’t be any more juice before bed. (I have had a major craving for cran-raspberry juice the last two days… been drinking a bunch of it!)

My 21 week photos are up. Holy moly, I grew this week! I expected to look a little bloated… I didn’t expect my lower belly to have popped out that much!

And according to my weekly weigh-in I’ve actually put on a pound or two this past week, which puts me over my starting weight finally! Not that I want to start packing on the pounds, but I’d like to see some gradual weight gain here. Devin is growing. It’s funny, I was all prepared to put on weight during this pregnancy, fearing the worst. My own mother put on a ton of weight during her two pregnancies and has never gotten it off… one of my fears was to end up like her. I never expected to lose a good portion of my extra weight during pregnancy. Granted I’m not done yet, so don’t be counting my chickens just yet… but I’ve lost a lot of the extra padding I was carrying in my butt and hips. I find it a lot easier to sleep on my side now, since with the rounded midsection and not-so-padded hips I don’t get that pinched blubber right above my hip bone that I used to.

It’s amazing to me how different each of our bodies reacts to pregnancy. It’s interesting to read threads on the different body changes that we’re experiencing… it’s so varied… a grab-bag of weird crazy symptoms. lol

Okay, the heartburn has subsided greatly… I’m going to try sleeping again. Fingers crossed.

Friday evening I chatted with my mom and told her about SIL’s pregnancy. “Oh, another grandchild for [MIL]! Do they know if it’s twins or not yet?” LOL The first question asked in this family. I later said, “Well, at least you don’t have to worry about having another grandchild… not like Cory’s going to be reproducing anytime soon.” I swear to you my mom nearly fell down she laughed so hard. “You hear that, Cory??” she said. Then she told me he had just run out of the room in mock fear. Children! Egads! He thinks I’m crazy for having a baby! (My brother is 22 and nowhere near mature enough for a child. He’s not even in a relationship yet.)

My heartburn finally subsided overnight and I fell asleep, only to be woken up at 7am by the dog needing to pee, and then I realized my gag reflex was in overdrive and I ended up dry heaving over the toilet. WTF is with that? I haven’t had any pukies at all in over week. I’m wondering if the reflux isn’t triggering it. Ugh. That would be fun.

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Did I mention just how much I love this child that I am growing? Even when he sits on my bladder. I feel so amazed that we’re growing this third person in our family. Over the course of 10 months we go from 2 people to 3 people, but it’s not all at once. He starts off as this little bundle of cells and I get to nourish him and grow him until he’s ready to join the world as separate entity. That’s pretty damn wild. I’m really glad I have this in-between stage. I definitely appreciate the gradual nature of it.

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This book seems really interesting: Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn. He challenges the whole praise/rewards paradaigm of child-rearing and offers alternative methods. There’s an excerpt (the first chapter) on his website. I’d like to get ahold of the book.

I guess I always figured I’d parent a kid the same way I parent my dogs, but I’m really starting to realize just how different the two are. I know people always told me that once I had a kid the dogs would become “just dogs” and I never really believed them. Not that I’m going to be locking the dogs in the backyard 24/7 or anything like that, but there is a very definite shift in the way I view things now.

Most of all I’ve been pondering on the fact that dogs stay in your charge, in your house, as “children” all their lives. Your goal as owner is to raise/train them to be whatever you want them to be, to function as a part of your life. For us that means it’s not really necessary for the dogs to be able to function in crowds. Zoe is terrified of strangers. For the most part, though it can be frustrating and cause a few hiccups along the way, it doesn’t really affect the family. We’re not the kind of family who entertains often, and we don’t normally take our dogs out into public places. Maybe we would more often if the dogs were very well-adjusted in those situations, but they’re not and it’s okay. Zoe is a very happy-go-lucky girl in this house with us, she adores the cats, she gets along fabulously with Zeeke, and she’s a very lovey, cuddly dog with Den and I.

Contrast that to a child. A child with severe social anxiety is a totally different matter. You can’t say, “Well it’s okay, the kid will just never leave the house.” Your goal as a parent is not simply to have the child function within your household – the ultimate goal is to raise a self-sufficient human being who will join society as a functional adult. The child, unlike the dogs, will not remain dependent on you for everything. A dog you teach to listen to you – the alpha person – to follow your house rules, always. A child you need to teach to think for himself… to make rational and logical decisions… to develop a code of ethics and morals… to have compassion for others… to have a sense of worth and self-respect. So many many more things. And as a parent-to-be it’s pretty freaking scary! Hell, I don’t even consider myself a fully functional adult, yet I need to raise one?!

So I’ll be reading some, thinking about how exactly I want to go about teaching this child to be a human being, and trusting in my own sense of judgement to get me through. All a learning process. I’m still scared that no matter what I do my kid will be a little hellion, or grow up to be a drug user, or run off in a motorcycle gang and come home covered in tattoos with some slutty woman. Not that it does me ANY good to think of these terrible things that might happen, but it’s a hard concept to accept that my child will grow up to be what he wants to be – parenting influence can only do so much! I just have to trust in him, and in us, and do my best.

Right now, he’s potential. He could be anything, anything at all. He could grow up to be a big football player like his daddy wants, he could grow up to be an awkward, nerdy physicist, he could end up a gothy artist… and I’m looking forward to meeting him and finding out who he is, this little person we created.

About two years ago, when the snoring was an issue (before I’d figured out how to just roll him over to make it stop) Den bought some of those breathe-right strips. They didn’t work. So they sat, unused, in the bathroom cabinet.

Last night was really quite pitiful, because it didn’t matter how many times I woke him up or how I rolled him over, he still kept right on snoring. (I finally gave up on sleep at around 5am.)

Well Den found them today and decided to give them a try, given that his snoring has currently progressed far beyond snoring only when he’s on his back. He feels very stuffed up, so we figured it wouldn’t hurt to try. And I’ll be damned, but it’s helping a ton. He is still doing his normal snoring when on his back, but the new snoring-on-his-side is practically non-existant. I am so relieved!!

Not that this fixes my sleeping problems. See I’m not supposed to be sleeping on my back anymore – which, by the way, is weird because I normally hate sleeping on my back and ever since I got pregnant I find myself waking up like that quite frequently. Weird. So anyways, I know the “optimum” position is on my left side. I like sleeping on my left side, to be honest. But… I have this issue. I have a MAJOR issue with being breathed on. And Den sleeps on my left. So if he happens to be facing my way? I can’t sleep on my left side, I have to sleep on my right. And sometimes that gets really annoying because I want to roll over!

It’s possible that once I’m asleep it doesn’t matter and I can stay where I am… but I’m such a light sleeper I really wouldn’t be surprized if I rolled over every time he did during the night, even without really waking.

Is it any wonder I find sleeping during the day more restful? Makes me wonder if I’m even going to be able to sleep well with a babe next to me. I don’t have an issue with the dog though, never have (I have slept with a dog next to me – yes, head on the pillow just like a human – since I was about 14 and I sized up to a double mattress from a twin). I guess we’ll just try it and hope for the best.

Den was a little sulky the other day, so let me just clarify this: when I write “I” in here, it’s because I’m the one writing it and I don’t like to speak for my husband… sometimes we have, errr, very different views on things like parenting! So when I say “This is how I want to raise my child” it’s because, well, I am not so certain Den would agree with me on it. And of course whatever we actually end up doing is going to be an amalgamation of Den and me, and something that we agree on. I just usually talk out my own thoughts here before running them by Den and getting his opinion and input and figuring out what we’re actually going to do. ;) (He reads this blog, so it’s actually very helpful for me to write things out here, he reads it, then we talk later, lol.)

There, you happy honey?? :P

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There’s a part of me that thinks my love of ultrasounds is so contrary to my otherwise very crunchy nature. Here I am wanting as little intervention as possible, no medications, no internal exams….. but 4 ultrasounds before 20 weeks? YES PLEASE! I find that a little amusing. I guess there’s an exception to every rule.

I was just sitting here looking at all the ultrasound photos we have, from 6 weeks to 19 weeks. It’s freaking amazing. To actually see our little boy grow from a tiny little blob into a very human-like form… wow. Not only are we totally blessed with this miracle of being able to grow a human in the first place, but to be able to actually see inside me to catch little glimpses of it? How effing cool.

The email I got today (from the hospital – I signed up for their “weekly baby development” emails) said that baby is around 10-11 inches long crown to rump, and around 15 ounces in weight. 11 inches!!! That’s nearly a FOOT long baby. INSIDE ME. Where does he fit??? The whole thing just astounds me.

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Unfortunately it’s appearing that last night’s respite from Den’s snoring was just a fluke. Another night with the breathe-right strip, and he’s still pretty damn bad. :(

Not to mention the stupid humidifier. I was all excited at the possibility of a fan or some kind of white noise in the bedroom at night – I even read reviews of this particular brand that calls them really noisy. They lied. The thing barely makes a damn sound. And beyond that, Den likes to put the thing on HIGH, which means I wake up with everything in the room coated in dewdrops. Yuck. Umm, too high!! Also, while having the little bit of extra heat in this room during the dead of winter will be very nice, it is not yet the dead of winter. In fact, the bedroom is too warm for me now! Granted today was a warmer day compared to some the last few weeks (we’ve had some really chilly days, and then some where you barely have to wear a jacket… gotta love New England), but I’m in a really light shirt here! It’s just not normal.

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I have finally discovered what I want for Christmas: RAM. Okay, most of you have no idea what that is, and it’s totally off topic. But it’s wicked cheap and I want to upgrade this laptop so bad right now so it stops freezing when I’m doing my web work in it!!

I also want a new cordless laptop mouse (old one died, drat!!) and I wouldn’t be displeased to get a much bigger usb drive than I have now, I use it frequently at work.

Every year I try to think of some varied things that I’d like to get. And every year I come back to the computer gear. What can I say, I’m a computer-reliant geek. Sigh.

Aagghhh!! It’s a sheep rug!!! Sleepy Sheep Rug. Haha! Not very large though!

Tonight I am going to do something absolutely crazy: I am going to go to bed. To sleep.

Den has not snored once since falling asleep 2 hours ago. I don’t think I want to waste this opportunity!! (I had to say something, didn’t I.)

Especially since next week he is going to be sick. This weekend he is working (drill weekend, military), and it’s that special weekend they all get their flu shots. Now he does point out that what he gets afterwards isn’t near as bad as the actual flu, and at least it’s predictable… but he WILL get sick all next week. With him already being sick… well. It could be a difficult week. The poor guy. I have no idea what he even has, if it’s something we can do anything about… he’s not horrifically sick, just feeling lousy enough that he’s tired and drained and can’t sleep well.