Okay, yet more from me tonight.

First, I’ve decided that there are simply too many choices. Baby carriers. Mei Tais, wraps, slings, rebozos… I think my head is going to pop right off. Like so many choices us parents-to-be have to make, we have to go into it knowing three things: a) that all choices are pretty much equally valid, b) that we have no way to REALLY test it out until our baby actually arrives and c) it could be the coolest thing in the world, and our baby may still hate it. It’s making me cranky. I mean, you can read what worked for other people as much as you want – and I have been – but so-and-so loves the mei tais, while so-and-so loved her wrap. So really it only goes so far. They all look great. Can’t I just have one of each?

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Den is being totally silly tonight! So after the whole “basketball” comment where he exlaimed great shock at how big I am getting, we had both gone to bed and were laying here talking and joking around. I jumped on top of him, like I always to, tummy-to-tummy. “OUCH!” he said. I knew my knee hadn’t come close to his crotch (because, umm, sometimes that happens you know…), so I couldn’t figure out what I had done! And then he said, “Your belly, it jabbed me!” and clutched his stomach in mock pain. LOL! I tackled him for being silly.

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So my nausea goes like this: Feel hungry. Immediately start gagging and heaving. When that’s done, eat. Have to pee 10 minutes later, which puts pressure on stomach and makes me feel nauseated… rinse and repeat. Right now it feels like I just can’t find the right balance. The internal pressure on my stomach makes me feel mildly nauseated all day – not an altogether pleasant feeling. I think I almost prefered having short bouts of strong puking. At least I felt better afterwards. I have a lot of gassy burping going on tonight, and every time I burp it triggers my gag reflex. Ugh.

I am finally up, and posted my 17 week belly pictures. I was wrong – it is VERY obvious. Doesn’t look like a basketball in the morning though. ;) (But by evening it all rounds out and sure does!)

My weight is still holding steady according to my weekly weigh-in. I’m not gaining, but I’m not losing either.

I feel great this morning! A little nauseated, but that’s pretty normal until I get some food in me. (And my morning “a little nauseated” is just that – just a mild stomach rolling feeling. I don’t get the morning pukies very often.)

Last night was… eventful. Not for me… for our cat. We’re not 100% sure what happened, but I surmise it has to do with eating a whole bowl of dry cat food overnight. I didn’t get up until around 1pm and then didn’t see him for a few hours…. by evening when he jumped up on the bed beside me I noticed a problem right away. That poor cat. He looked totally bloated, VERY unhappy. He kept squatting, he could barely walk he was in so much discomfort. So we watched him until we went to bed, and planned to take him to the vet ASAP this morning if he still wasn’t feeling better. I was pretty sure he just had a stomach ache and was a little bit constipated (trust me, I have experience in the matter. I recognized the look on his face), but of course there’s always that fear. Especially with cats, if it’s a urinary blockage it could get very bad. So I spent the night pretty fitful, dreaming of taking him to the doctors.

Early this morning Den woke up and found a happy, cheerful, cuddly cat. Merlin jumped up on the bed for his normal morning snuggles, and all was well with the world. We were SO relieved!! Goodness, I hate seeing any of my babies sick. :( He looked so damn miserable yesterday. I am thankful our pets don’t get sick very often.

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I said to Den this morning, being pregnant is the best diet I’ve been on! Yes, I was joking. I mean, yes I’m thankful I haven’t put on 20lbs so far… I did have that fear. But then instead I’m worried about the baby, making sure I feed it enough. At least milk is a good source of protein, I get lots of that… and I’m trying to eat eggs and peanut butter and meat when I can. I know I’m not even coming close to the recommended calories per day. And it’s not like I want to fill the calories up with junk. But what can you do. I eat when I’m hungry, as much as I can without getting sick. It’s the best I can do for right now, no sense obsessing over calorie counting.

I do *feel* good though. Other than the obvious complaints of nausea, the small aches that come with this stage of pregnancy… I just feel very good. Everyone comments that I seem to glow, and no I don’t blame it on my oily face! I think people just see how very happy I am to be pregnant.

Ms. C commented on my hair. I didn’t bother to put it back for this last week’s photo, so you got a pic of my hair as it is in the morning, without shower or brushing. My hair’s always had a nice curl to it… not tight curls, but enough to give it shape. And fuzziness, depending on the day. But anyways… what I’ve noticed most about my hair is that it’s both drier and oilier at the same time. How is that even possible?? It definitely gets greasy and stringy quicker than it used to. But it also feels very coarse… it doesn’t get silky after a good shampoo and condition like it used to. In fact I’m using the tiniest bit of conditioner through the length to untangle it… I realized that using my normal amount was making the oiliness worse. So I shampoo the heck out of it, comb through a tiny little bit of conditioner, and rinse rinse rinse. Seems to be working well.

The biggest complaint about my hair is not the ones on my head. It’s the ones, errr, growing elsewhere. Not my stomach (always had a couple of hairs there), not my boobs (always had a couple of hairs there too)… but up my buttcrack. (I’m sure you always wanted to know that, right?) It is driving me NUTS. Maybe it’s always been there and I’m more sensitive – I don’t know. Either way, it’s itchy, and there’s not much I can do about it. (I learned my lesson a long time ago… shaving hairs in a crack means MAJOR UNPLEASANTNESS when it grows back. And HELL NO I am not getting anything waxed when I’m this sensitive.)

People say that your fingernails grow fast when you’re pregnant. I haven’t really noticed… but my nails have always been wicked strong and grown fast. So no real change there.

Boobs, oh let’s talk about boobs. I’ve mentioned they’re a little sensitive and have gotten a bit fuller. But did I mention about the little dots? No. Well… I have little bumps around my nipple. I’m sure it’s normal… some sort of milk glands or something… but it’s weird.

So that’s my what’s happening in my body update for the week. Full of things you were desperate to know, I’m sure.

I think it’s almost nap time.

Here’s an example of why I make a really crappy pregnant lady:

I watch a lot of shows that you probably shouldn’t watch while pregnant. Things like CSI, and House. Well I was watching a recorded House last night, and someone dies in it. I cried. However, as I explained it to Den, it wasn’t why you think…

“I cried at House. The guy was dying. And he… sniffle… asked for his dog. And they brought him his dog and layed the dog on his bed with him. And then he died. And the dog was saaddddd! *wail* I felt so sad for the poor doggy!! And then the dog died!! CRY!“

I think finding out the baby’s sex could be one of the worst things we do. Why? Because I want to go shopping!!! Baby clothes, baby gear, carriers….. I have a list a mile long of things that I WILL NOT BUY YET because I’m holding off until we find out what baby is. I think Den’s going to have to give me a monthly paypal allowance. (And I say “he’ll have to give me” because, well, I don’t like doing shopping without his okaying it first. I tend to spend too much!) Oh see, now I just found another diaper I totally want to buy (Staccinator Deluxe in leopard print!). Sigh.

I have a craving for zucchini loaf. You couldn’t get me to eat zucchini with any amount of coaxing, but my mom always made this kick-ass zucchini loaf that was to die for. Even my dad ate it. (That says a lot.) However, I do not have the recipe. I’m going to have to email her for it… because man… I really want some.

Yes, that’s right, winter is here. It may not be here to stay, but this morning it was cold. Not in the house – but when I stepped outside with the dog the cold hit me like slap in the face. I put my toque (funny Canadian word for winter hat) and gloves on. Agh.

At work I was fine, of course. My boss never turns down the heat there. For the cats, you know.

And then I came home to a much cooled down house, baked some zucchini loaf (it was excellent) and froze my little butt off. I ended up finding a reheatable gel pack and it is my new best friend. I heated it up in the microwave, and then when I crawled into bed with my laptop I stuck it down by my feet. Aahhhh!!! Heat radiating up my poor, frozen feetsies! This is truly wonderful.

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On one of my forums I posted a list – with pictures – of the carriers I want most. It helped me clarify two things: one, I want the chocolate Moby, and two, I want the Zoie Hotsling. So I of course did a search on TBW forums for used slings and found that used Zoie Hotslings are very plentiful (yay for choosing a popular print), and for a very good price. So hopefully I can pick one up shortly. :D

I’m still totally stumped on the Mei Tais though. I’ll let it marinate some more. See what’s out there.

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I slept like crap last night. I was wide awake for hours, and then when I forced myself to sleep it was fitful, with a lot of waking up and stressing over stupid things. I woke up at 6am and couldn’t fall back asleep. I ended up not going into work until noon, but even then I STILL couldn’t even take a nap. I was so frustrated! (Though it did let me get some work done.)

Now I think I’m about to crash. Literally, I can feel my body shutting down. So tired. Hopefully I sleep really well tonight.

Okay, I’m getting really freaking irritated with this nausea shit. Yesterday I puked once in the morning, once in the evening before bed, and now this morning at 5am I’m heaving over the effing toilet again. 5am! I woke up at quarter after 3 feeling really hungry… but in a “I don’t know if I dare add more to the rumbling going on in there” kind of way.

I have this sinking feeling that this nausea may not go away. I still am holding out hope though. Kel’s didn’t go away until 18 weeks in her first pregnancy. So that’s what I’m clinging to here. (Then I had another friend they were puking all the way through. Not such a positive thought.)

I’m pissed because I’m starving at the same time. I want to EAT. And I want to keep it DOWN.

I’m irritated because I really want to enjoy this, and it’s hard to enjoy things when you’re hanging over a toilet bowl (that you realize needs cleaning yet again).

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I was just laying in the dark in bed waiting for Den’s alarm to go off, and I was bored. I started lightly pressing on my belly in the hopes that maybe I’d feel something on the inside. Know how when you try to listen really really carefully for a really faint sound, that you’re never sure if your brain is imagining the sound or if you really heard it? I felt a lot of gas bubbles, and some faint faint things that could have been the baby… or it could have just been my imagination. Who knows. Experiment failed.

I really want to feel the baby. The last couple of days I’ve felt smaller than usual, and other than the nausea I could forget that I am pregnant. I’m still in this suspended state of disbelief. I’m really looking forward to our ultrasound just to get another jolt of reality! I just wish I could feel him/her moving in there. I think that will really make it real, that there’s a baby growing in me. It still feels like some abstract concept sometimes. I know it’s there… but I can’t feel a thing!

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And yet, life is still so damn good. I woke up in a bed covered with two comforters. Last night as we were putting the second one on the bed Den says to me, “You know, we’re going to have to turn the heat on at some point.” “Yeah. Just not yet!” But we woke up all toasty warm and all is good with the world. I especially do love waking up next to my husband, and rolling over to snuggle him before he has to get up and get ready for work. He’s a very snuggle-worthy person. He’s always so warm, and my body fits just right against his (well, it’s getting harder!).

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I’m still stumped on the Mei Tais, and I’ve reluctantly come to the conclusion that I simply cannot invest in a brand new custom until I know what type I like. So I guess I’ll have to just pick up a used Mei Tai, whatever I feel like at the time, and see if I like it. Kind of a pain. But there are so many brands/styles out there… my head is swimming and I think it will all come down to what FEELS best with me and my baby. No way to know ahead of time. :( I just hope I find a used MT in a print that I like. So many of them for sale just make me go “Ick!” Even used MTs can be ridiculously expensive, but I’ve seen a couple of older styles for around $40, which is much more reasonable. Lets me test it out without a huge investment.

I did find an absolutely gorgeous print that I LOVE, the Indigo Cherry Blossom on the Sachi Mei Tai. But again, I don’t think I want to spend $80 on a custom MT when I have no idea if I’ll like the Sachi. Bah. And I can’t find that print ANYWHERE else, not even in an online fabric store. :(

So the search continues. (Yes I’m obsessed. You say that like it’s a bad thing.)

Edit: So maybe not. I think I found what I’m looking for: Mei Tai Baby. GREAT reviews on TBW. It’s a nice simple design that looks really comfortable. It has interchangeable panels so you can get three (or more!) different prints and swap them out when you feel like, which for me is a great thing. You can even buy a headrest to add on when the kid gets bigger. So this may be one I splurge on. Not now, of course… I’m not going to order anything new until I think Jan/Feb timeframe. But I’m feeling pretty pleased with this. :) I especially love the Batik Flowers and Blue Leaf Mosaic. Gorgeous. OH I almost missed the holiday fabrics… I LOVE Upon A Midnight Clear. Agh! I want it now!

I still kind of want a babyhawk… but they just look a little large for newborns, IMO. I might save that until later!

I’m having a really bad morning. Not one of those “everything is going wrong” mornings, but the kind where “everything/everyone is pissing me off.” I’ve been on the edge of tears all day, for no good reason. I just woke up (by a phone call, never a good sign) and went straight into feeling overwhelmed and unhappy and very very touchy. Everything is upsetting me. Everything.

But I wanted to write down two things before I forget or lose track.

Yesterday was another completely nauseated day. So in the evening on my way back from a meeting I stopped and bought some Unisom, since I had run out. By that point I had a sneaking suspicion that the Unisom was helping a shitload more than I had given it credit for, since it seemed to coincidental that I felt THAT much worse the days after I stopped taking it. So I took a pill as soon as I got home.

I slept ALL night. And then I’ve been feeling super tired all day. I don’t know if that’s connected or if that’s just me being… me. However, I haven’t felt nauseated at all. Hungry, yes. And then, when I ate a lot, very full. But I haven’t once felt like heaving up everything. I am very pleased by this.

The other thing I wanted to write down was that last night I was sitting here propped up in bed with my laptop. A friend of mine (who is 20 weeks pregnant) was saying how she felt the baby from the outside for the first time. I was typing a reply to her that I hadn’t felt anything at all from the baby yet… when *pop* in my lower belly. Like someone flicked my belly from the inside. No “flutters” like some people describe it… just one little pop. I froze and then laughed at the irony and had to amend my message. :)

I can’t say for sure it was the baby… but I certainly don’t know what else that could be. It was down low, and it was pretty unmistakable, especially with me just sitting still. I can’t wait to feel it some more.