Just for the info I did a quick search for 3D/4D ultrasound places. Apparently we live in the middle of nowhere. I knew this already, but it’s irritating to see it confirmed. (And we’re NOT in the middle of nowhere, we’re in New England for crying out loud!) So the closest place appears to be an hour and a half away – in any direction, that’s the closest. Plus it’d be around $150. Not so sure it’s worth that kind of money! (Although, seeing a 3D baby picture they had up there, omg. My eyes welled up. They did that on purpose! Mine would probably have its ass up to the camera the whole time.)

I did, however, manage to stumble across a Canadian place that does ultrasounds. They have many different locations… one right in my hometown where my parents live. And we just happen to be going there for Christmas. When I’m 25 weeks along. Hmmmm. I mentioned it to Den just now on the phone… he said driving an hour and a half is definitely out! But at my parents’… that’s an option. And wouldn’t it be cool to bring my parents with me to see it?? Something to think about, at least. Even though it’s in Canada, this type of appointment requires only money to do.

Okay I need sleep…. especially since the dogs interrupted my earlier nap. (I’m an idiot for staying up this late.)

I called the insurance coordinator today and just had her look up my account and see what’s going on. Basically it appears that, even though we had pre-approval for an IVF cycle, they paid some things (the pharmacy, the anesthesiologist) but not others (the actual retrieval proceedure). But anyways, the insurance people at the clinic have already put in an appeal to find out what insurance needs from them to cover it… and she said it’s not something to worry about, insurance sometimes does this and it can take a while to sort out, and it should get all sorted out without ever affecting us… but to give her a call if we ever get a bill for it!

So WHEW!! I’m just so glad it’s something they’re dealing with – and used to dealing with. Insurance just makes me :nuts:.

Stupid alarm clock. I HATE it when alarm clocks ring before 8:00am. (Yes, I set it for 7. That’s not the point.)

My belly band arrived yesterday in the mail. I’m trying it out today with a pair of dress slacks I’ve been unable to wear for months. We’ll see how it goes!

Well, the belly band mostly worked. I wouldn’t say it was a 100% success though. The front it worked perfectly, covered my open zipper, smoothed out the bumps. The back unfortunately… kept riding up over my pants, every time I sat down. Now I do blame part of that on the pants I wore today… I was so excited to wear them, I haven’t been able to wear these dress slacks in weeks. But… they are rather slick material. So the pants material + spandex belly band = slip and slide! Okay not quite that bad, but it definitely wasn’t staying put.

The other annoyance is that even folded in half it stuck up above my belly button, which was annoying to me all day. But if I fold it in thirds it’s too tight.

So I’m 50-50 on it. We’ll have to see how it does with my other pants.

::

Den gets home tomorrow… I’m so happy he’ll be home! I’ve been spoiling his dog a little bit in an attempt to calm him down. He’s been a little… clingier… than usual. (And “usual,” with this dog, is ignoring me except when he wants something frome me, in which case he harasses me relentlessly.) He actually snuggled with me on the bed yesterday. :shock: I was downright shocked.

We’re trying to figure out what to do about the dog when the baby comes. I’m thinking obedience classes will be a definite good thing. And we’re probably going to have to spend the cash on a fence. The dog(s) need someplace to run… and while my little dog is fine with just running around in circles, the big dog needs a lot more space. Right now Den has the time and energy to go outside with him and play, but I know there’s going to be a period where he just won’t be able to do that very often. And when Zeeke doesn’t have his outlet, he displays some very negative behavior… behavior we do NOT want when a baby is in the house. He just goes really stir-crazy.

Zeeke is rather our “special needs” child. Heh. Anyways, we’re thinking and planning.

::

I’ve been coming home from work every day, eating, taking the dogs out to potty, then falling asleep. And about a half an hour later, the dogs are barking at me, saying, “Dinner! Dinner! Hey human-lady! Food now!” They will not be shushed. Now when did they learn to tell time? Buggers. ;) I’m kind of glad I don’t sleep too long in the afternoons, because otherwise I wouldn’t sleep at night.

My stomach is feeling very full tonight… bloated. And I don’t think I even ate that much. :? Just a bunch of very small healthy-ish snacks throughout the evening. (A couple small nuggets of chicken, a little bit of mashed potato, a small piece of toast with cream cheese, a peach. Nothing in there that would make me think I’d feel so full.

Have to get up again in the morning. I should sleep. :sigh: I hate mornings. Have I mentioned that lately?

You know when you see something really neat and you “bookmark” it – whether physically somehow or just in your brain? And you keep coming across that bookmark and thinking, “Oh yeah, I want to do that!” But it almost becomes like a chore, but you still REALLy want to do it? Yeah. That’s me. Mel’s posts on Happiness is something that I definitely want to sit down with and really mull over. It’s been “bookmarked.” I’m definitely going to get to those this weekend.

As someone who deals with frequent anxiety and depression, I’ve struggled for a long time to find happiness, to somehow be happy with my present. I’m doing a hell of a job right now, let me tell you that. I am loving this pregnancy, every little bit of it – even the pukey bits. Even when other shit in life is getting me down, I just remind myself that I’m pregnant. It does help. It changes your priorities, doesn’t it.

I guess it would make more sense to be worried, to be reserved. Sometimes I wonder if I’m being foolish, jumping into this with my whole heart all at once right from the start. But then I think… would I want that? Would I want to spend my time in fear and worry? Not voluntarily. I want to experience every glorious moment for what it is. For whatever may come to pass in the future, at this moment I am pregnant. I was really worried I wouldn’t EVER get pregnant. At least I know it’s possible! It’s happened!

::

Food on my “good” list:

Arrowroot baby cookies. Yummmmmmmmmm good. So much better than saltines. And they do wonders for settling my stomach, as evidenced by tonight.

Salmon cream cheese on toast/bread. My usual grocery store does not carry salmon creamcheese. I went to a different store this week, as I was running other errands… salmon creamcheese! Score!!! I bought one, and have been eating it like crazy. It tastes so good. I’m not even a huge fan of salmon (even though, with my dad being a sports fisherman, we had plenty when I was growing up!), but salmon creamcheese? Seriously delicious.

Cereal is still on my daily list. It’s not sitting as well as other things – probably not enough carbs or something. And I’ve been threatening my body… if it goes lactose intolerant, I may just have to cry. Work with me here. I can cut out just about anything… just not milk. (Some people are addicted to alchohol, or smoking. No… my addiction is milk. And I am not kidding. When we visit someone’s house and they ask what I’d like to drink – soda, water, juice – I ask if they possibly have any milk? My MIL has started buying a gallon whenever I go over. LOL! I’m pathetic!)

Fruits. Apples and peaches, as I’ve mentioned before. I didn’t feel good last night, but I don’t think that was the peach’s fault. The apple tastes extra good with peanut butter, but I’ve been putting less peanut butter on it than I usually do. I just really love the juicy apple right now. (And only Fuji apples. In the past 2.5 years I’ve been living here I’ve experimented, and those are the best to me!)

Today I also had a small bun with ham and cheese, toasted in the toaster oven. OMG that was delicious. I just tonight found out that those buns now have mold on them – and so does my loaf of bread – and I’m am pretty pissed off. They were delicious… and I just bought them! Stupid humidity. Grrrrr. What am I going to eat tomorrow??

::

Some women have the morning sickness. I have the evening pukies. This is the second day in a row now where I’m laying on my laptop as usual before bed and right around midnight it occurs to me that I don’t feel good. And just as I think that I should be eating it progresses from slightly hungry to really hungry to going to puke to puking right now…. all within the span of 2 minutes.

And the smell of the toilet! Ugh! It’s just that… toiletbowl smell. Whatever cleaners are used, and the toilet water… just makes me heave even harder. I think I even peed myself a little while dry heaving. Yeah, that’s fun!

As soon as I managed to stop for a little bit I ran into the kitchen and gobbled down some arrowroots. Then I made myself some salmon creamcheese on bread (thank goodness I bought some specialty bread!). Problem solved.

This “morning” sickness thing is totally whacko!

::

Growing up, from the earliest I can remember to the time I moved out of my parents’ house, I puked only twice. Yes, I’m taking a detour down memory lane… but you are my captive audience, so there!

The first time was thanks to food poisoning. Everyone got it. We were on vacation and ate some burgers that apparently had something bad in it. I only had one bite of my dad’s burger and woke up in the middle of the night and puked. (My dad? Didn’t have it so easy.) Not a fond memory of vacation.

The second time was the weirdest time and the one my family will remember forever. It was in the middle of the summer so the entire family was sleeping in the basement. (My parents have no air conditioners… we all just moved to the basement in summer.) My parents were on the fold-out couch-bed, and my brother and I were on an air mattress. I was around 9 I guess? My brother would have been about 6.

So in the middle of the night, for whatever reason – and no one even knows to this day what the hell caused it – I woke up, sat up, leaned to my side, and puked.

On my brother.

He of course immediately woke up and started screaming/crying. That woke my mother up and she rushed him to the bathroom to clean him up. I, feeling fine now, shuffled over to my dad. “I puked.” To this day he still laughs about it because until that moment he just figured it was my brother who had gotten sick.

My brother has never forgiven me for that. He’s 22 now and still remembers that day quite clearly!

Tonight we went out for steak at our favorite restaurant. It was soooo good. Poor Den asked for his rare as rare can be and got something that was edging towards medium. (How do you even do that?) He felt absolutely terrible about sending it back, but the one they brought out next was fabulously done. (And he tipped the waitress extremely well for the inconvenience.) I had the same thing, but cooked more than I usually like it…. I’m still unsure what exactly you’re “supposed” to do while pregnant, though I know that my usual of medium-rare is definitely underdone. It is still so sad to eat overcooked steak like that. But the marsala sauce and mushrooms made up for the inconvenience. Mmmmmm steak. It’s been far too long. Of course afterwards I felt like a bloated blimp, but I still say it was worth it. ;)

::

Do you know what today is? The 25th. Of August. (Or at least it was when I started writing this entry.) Which makes me 8 weeks pregnant. WHICH MEANS… I am now a normal pregnant woman!! No more progesterone! Woo hoo!

Oh, and it also means a new belly pic is up. But that is far less important, especially since it hasn’t really changed since last week.

::

My belly button has been sensitive/touchy lately. What’s up with that? My uterus certainly isn’t anywhere near my belly button yet.

No puking today, which is really good. When we went out to eat I wore my jeans (jeans!!) with my belly band… which worked great. Only problem was after I ate, when that pressure against my tummy made me feel a little uncomfortable! But I looked good and I’m happy to have the use of all my pants back. Can’t exactly go to a nice restaurant in yoga pants.

::

Den is just cracking me up today. He had to work, which is a big booo. But this evening after going out to dinner we crashed in bed and watched the end of Pleasantville on TV and just layed here and talked and giggled. (Okay, I giggled. He’d be upset if I implied that he giggled. He is far too manly for giggling.) I really do think days like that are the best in marriage. I’m just happy to have him home – and he’s happy to be home.

He’s been extra sweet since I got pregnant. You can tell he is just so incredibly happy. Laying in bed looking at me he just smiled and said, “My life turned out to be so wonderful.” He was talking about meeting me, but I know he was also talking about this gift we have been given, our child growing in me. He is enthralled with my belly, even though it’s just chubby right now. He says often how beautiful I look. I figure that’ll come in handy later in pregnancy when I don’t feel all that beautiful! He also gives the most wonderful backrubs, which also will come in handy later.

Saving a link to this, just in case I decide to get it later. :)
“I’d Rather Be Fishing With My Grandpa”

Gosh, do I just not feel well today. :( Yesterday I felt great… today I just have this constant nausea. Ugh.

Kristen tagged me as a Rockin Girl blogger! I’m quite touched. :)
(Kristin totally rocks, btw, and if she hadn’t tagged me I’d be taggin her.)

My choices…

1. Kel at Ordinary Miracles. Not an infertile, but my best friend for over 10 years. What would I have done without her? She never went through what I did herself, but she put herself in my shoes all the way through. I’m forever grateful for her love and support. Plus, she’s a totally kick-ass writer.

2. Mary Ellen at Not According To Plan (her new digs). I just love ME. I only met her recently, when I met up with a bunch of other IF bloggers in the area. She has this sharp wit and sense of humor that totally cracks me up. (And you’d never expect it out of her sweet, soft-spoken self.)

3. Square Peg at Square Peg, Round Hole. A number-cruncher like me. Perhaps some peoples’ eyes glaze over at equations and graphs… it makes me flat out giddy. I may not be a scientist like she is, but I do the same thing.

4. Ms. C at It Could Take Three Months. She’s pregnant after infertility, right around where I am now. Her blog is just so open and honest and matter-of-fact. I like that. Plus she’s Canadian.

5. LIW at Purgatory. It breaks my heart to read her blog sometimes, mainly because it’s so bare and emotional… It brings me back to when I was at that stage, starting treatments, holding out hope and getting crushed. It’s not a bad thing to be emotional when reading… it makes you really understand. I think she portrays infertility – and the toll it takes – very well.

So there you have it. You girls can take the image and name your own list, or you can not… it won’t hurt me either way. ;)

Can you say “uggghhhh?” I sure can… while hovering over a toilet. I don’t know what is up today! Ever since I woke up I’ve been feeling just… weird. I finally closed my book and layed down to sleep at midnight, and that appears to have been a bad decision, as I was shortly dashing off to the bathroom. I feel bloated and yucky.

I’m also feeling a lot of weird muscle tugs today. The first week or two that I knew I was pregnant I felt a lot of little twinges from my uterus… those stopped after about a week. What I’m feeling now is very different… more muscle-oriented. It’s like using my abdominal muscles aches faintly, like I’ve been doing a bunch of situps recently (trust me – I haven’t). But weirder are the lower muscles pains, at the sides almost to my groin. When I twist, like when I roll over in bed, I get these weird twangs coming from down there. Not painful, but they make me stop and think, What was THAT?

I read in one of my books today that my uterus at this stage is around the size of an apple… but I can’t tell where it is. Though I did learn that it’s a really bad idea to be gently pressing at your stomach – even your lower abdominal area – when you’re feeling nauseated. Boy was that a bad idea.

Last night I did some searches for crown-to-rump length and age of gestation… since that’s how they date early pregnancies. My ultrasound pic has the little CRL markers and it also says the distance between the markers: 1.08cm… which is 10.8mm. I was 6w5d on the day of that ultrasound. All the tables I saw like this one – I’ve seen more, but damned if I can find them tonight) seem to date my pregnancy at around 7w2d. Obviously, with IVF, my conception date is rather solid.

My second ultrasound is tomorrow (errr… today?). I do have to work first though. And Den’s work managed to schedule a conference call for him to attend when he is supposed to be at the appointment. Meh. So we’ll see how that goes. I am really excited to see the little blob again – hopefully see more than last time. Maybe arms and legs? That would be really cool.

I really need to sleep, but the thought of putting away the mountain of pillows that are currently propping me up makes me nervous. And I certainly can’t sleep like this.