I am 4 weeks pregnant as of today. I plan on taking a belly pic every week.. thankfully I have a tripod and a remote for my camera, because Den has no patience for taking photos.

My stomach is, as to be expected, a wee bit flabby still. And that was sucking it in, just so you know. (And it’s been like this for weeks, so no actual baby belly yet.) But when I look at the photo I’m still rather disgusted by how much my ass sticks out back. Stupid arched back. Make it look even bigger, why don’t you.

Plus I stepped on the scale this morning… 142! :shock: I’ve been hovering between 144 and 145 for weeks! And I’ve gone down?? Weird. (Must be losing some of that bloating and water weight from the meds.)

When I thought this cycle was a bust I was planning on finally getting down to fitting in my wardrobe again. I realized yesterday that’s no longer going to happen! It’s kind of crummy to have to go out and buy a whole new wardrobe at only 4 weeks pregnant, but I seriously only have a couple pairs of pants to wear! (The past two weeks I’ve been going to my client’s with my top button unbuttoned on my dress slacks!) I think I’ll try to find a lot of sweats and stretchy pants so they can grow with me. Maybe even maternity pants (so I can get somethign that’s stretchy on top but dressy material on the bottom, for work), but I don’t think I’ll fit into maternity pants yet.

I got the call!!!

My beta is… *drumroll*… 195!

Which is a very healthy number for a singleton pregnancy!

I’m officially doctor-says-so pregnant!!

First of all I want to congratulate Serenity on her positive Beta! She and I had the same retrieval, transfer, and beta dates… and now the same due date. I’m just so happy for you girl!

Tonight I just want to cry tears of joy. I’m just so very, very thankful to finally be sitting here pregnant. I never thought the day would come… and it feels like a dream.

I want to experience this pregnancy in every tiny little way. I bought a pregnancy magazine, I dug out my pregnancy books (bought back when we started TTC and I thought I’d use them shortly), I put up my ticker. I just want to immerse myself in all things pregnant because it feels so damned wonderful. I have 36 more weeks to go, which seems like a long time, and yet in some ways I want it to last forever. This is the thing I have dreamed of, wished for. And now I’m here. Just laying here in bed is amazing to me… because I’m not just me laying here in bed, I’m me and my embryo laying here in bed.

Yesterday when I went into Walmart for a quick shopping stop I of course passed multiple mothers pushing babies in their carts. And for once in a long time, I didn’t feel an immediate surge of envy and bitterness. My first thought was, I’m going to have one of those. In April. And you know… it kind of made my head spin a little.

I really can’t wrap myself around the concept. I’m sure it’ll sink in as time goes on… the fact that I have a little person in there. A person who will become a little baby, with arms and legs and real thoughts of his or her own. I’m really glad I have 36 weeks to get used to the idea.

I am so eager for my belly to grow… to get big and round. I know it’s going to be hard. But right now I feel like… like I did two days ago, only know I know I’m pregnant. I can’t wait to feel some sign of the life inside me. (Though I’d really really appreciate it if the sign wasn’t nausea.)

I’ve been continuing to feel twinges of unknown origin. My boobs are still sore. I got a [slight] foot cramp tonight. But still nothing that stands out to me as “pregnant!” (I get foot cramps somewhat regularily. I really really am hoping that by some chance the pregnancy doesn’t make that worse. Cause man they hurt.)

I said last night that I was feeling very peaceful. And it’s more than that… I feel more assertive for some reason. Like today when some of Den’s family was over and I thought for a moment that someone was going to light a cigarette in my house. I was fully ready to march over and snatch it out of his hand, not a thought I would ever have entertained before. Just the thought that someone could dare do anything that could possibly hurt my baby made me very angry, and ready to step up and deal with it.

While the family was over we took them aside to tell them our good news. Den didn’t want to make a big family announcement since it was his Gram’s birthday and he didn’t want to “steal the limelight” – which is considerate of him, but a little unnecessary. He drove me a little bit craz today with the waiting to tell people. People would arrive and I’d give him a loaded look and he would push me off with a, “Later, later.” Damnit I wanted to tell people NOW! Right now! But in the end he did get around to let everyone know of our good news, and everyone is very happy for us. Everyone knows what we’ve been going through (except his uncles whom I think are more than a little clueless about a lot of things).

Then after everyone left I called my relatives whom my parents are visiting right now and asked that mom call me when she gets in. She called me back not 15 minutes later. I started off by saying that I just wanted to let her know that Den loves the new shop-vac they bought him. Which is true, he does love it, and it made short work of all the fur in this house (will come in VERY handy with a baby around, even if it is noisy – we have no other way of getting rid of all that fur!). Then I added, “Oh yeah, and some other news… I’m pregnant!” There was silence and sniffling and, “Really? You know this early?” and more sniffling as she started crying. I think she’s in shock and of course very happy for us. It’s been hard on mom, to know that I’ve been going through everything and getting disappointed every time. When she was here I showed her my medications, my syringes, my scars. You could see the look on her face, that it hurt her so deeply that her daughter had to go through these things. So for her to know that we finally succeeded… well she’s just happy beyond words.

My dad of course responded with a, “Well good! But remember now, it’s early.” Ha. Typical dad. Can never expect him to get too excited about anything. I’m sure that when I call with the news that his grandchild has been born he’ll be all, “Glad to hear it went well.” He amuses me. I love him to death, but he totally is not on the emotion bandwagon.

So now all that’s left is telling Den’s dad and two brothers from that side of the family. Who knows when he’ll get around to it!

Telling people was… strange. I mean, I haven’t even really come to grips with the idea of being pregnant myself! And I don’t usually like all that attention on me anyways… I’m kind of glad Den didn’t make a big group announcement. That’s just not how we are. (Not in real life, at least. Online I’m all for big announcements! ;) )

I’ve been awake since 5:30 this morning (I woke up multiple times all night and couldn’t get back to sleep, so excited was I to take another pregnancy test!), and I’m getting very tired. I think it’s time for me to get some sleep!

I just had this idea that’s pretty darn cool, but I’ll need to purchase some software before I can do it.

Right now I have my whole TTC journey log on this blog… plus I do tend to keep things like my retrieval and transfer bracelets and my U/S pics. I have a small pregnancy “organizer” which is okay (but I discovered that a lot of the beginning stuff doesn’t work right for an IF pregnancy). But I really get annoyed at how they lay stuff out in pregnancy books, how some parts don’t apply, how there’s not enough space to write things in, etc.

Well I just am completing this print job for a non-profit I volunteer with sometimes. I designed and put together a recipe book, and it’s going to get sent off to the printers today or tomorrow. And the thought occurs to me, why don’t I do that for a pregnancy journal/book? I can design it all on my computer, page by page, week by week. All digital, so I can move things around and edit them and add photos later if I need to. And then, when I’m all done, I can have it professionally printed and bound! I guess that’s what people say when they talk about digital scrapbooking, huh? I guess it’s time I really start looking into that!

So far I have a lot of real scrapbooking supplies, but all my photos are digital and I don’t get around to printing them, and well, I’m so backlogged that it’s getting stressful. lol I’ll still do some “real” scrapbooking, I’m sure, since it can be fun, but I think at least in terms of a pregnancy journal it might be really really cool to have it done digitally and then printed. I can even make spaces in it for the physical objects I want to include in it. :D

::

Does anyone know what kind of place might be able to repair camcorders? Den had a really nice on years ago – it was digital, and exported right to his computer. It’s small and compact. And then his dad borrowed it… and broke it. (To say he was not happy is a large understatement… especially since his dad insisted it was broken before he borrowed it. Yeah. Whatever.) One of the things we really need before a baby arrives is a camcorder! So it’s either shell out several hundred dollars for a new one, or repair the one we have now.

I also realized something about my supposed christmas gift. See, last christmas Den gave me the choice for a big gift – I could either get myself a wedding/engagement ring (I never got one, all I got for the wedding was a plain band, with the intention of getting a pretty one later) or a DSLR camera. I, umm, chose the camera. :D I LOVE that camera. (And it’s another thing we needed to get before a baby came.)

But, well, you know how my pants aren’t fitting too well right now? Same for my wedding band. I actually had to take it off last week, because that poor finger was hurting. I haven’t put it back on. :( I probably could now, but… the ring is tiny (size 4, I think), and my fingers are no longer so tiny. And I don’t know if I really want to pay money to get a $40 ring resized, especially when I’m pregnant and just going to get fatter fingers anyways! (I do feel bad that I’m not wearing a wedding ring, but…)

So anyways, all of that just makes me realize that buying a new fancy ring NOW is NOT a good idea. I won’t be able to wear it anyways! I’ll probably just put that money towards something for baby, anyways. It’s a habit of mine… I hate buying big things for myself, but I’ll spend a small fortune on the dogs. (I have banned myself from Petco.) I can only imagine how bad it’s going to get with a baby!

I’ve already cried once today and I’m about to start crying again. If I ever had any doubts about telling people about our fertility struggles they’ve all been dashed with the amazing outpouring of support and love I’m getting from people everywhere. It’s amazing.

My best friend Kel… well what can I say about her other than that she is the most amazing person on the face of the planet? I love her so much!

I of course have posted on my usual forums with the good news, and the excitement on them is palpable. My usual “journal buddies” of course were jumping off the roof and screaming with excitement, but it also seems like everyone else from the community has stopped by to congratulate me! Even people who are desperately trying to get pregnant themselves are honestly happy for me.

And this is true here on my blog as well! Thank you to EVERYONE who has stopped by to congratulate me. I hope all of you amazing girls get your miracle soon too.

I am on other forums that aren’t at all baby-related. I’m on a fairly small photography group for women, though sadly I haven’t been very active lately – too many other things going on in my life. I had mentioned there about our struggles (and found out that one of the women there has twins from IVF!). So yesterday I dropped in to let them know our good news. They are apparently so excited for me that they are talking about an e-shower for me! How freaking sweet is that?? Makes me feel bad for not having time for photography lately!

The world is a beautiful place right now, through my eyes. I am truly blessed not just with our little miracle baby, but with all the wonderful people that I’ve been lucky enough to meet. You may or may not know that I don’t have much of an offline life. My supervisor at work is close enough to be called a friend, same with my SIL, but I don’t really go out much, and I don’t have a “group” of friends (especially after moving to the U.S.). All my friends online ARE my closest friends. And I’m very, very thankful.

::

Also, I told my brother today. Via IM. I’m super close to my brother, but he’s 21 (22? Shit, I’m a crappy sister. I think he’s 22.) and… well, male.

[14:04] C: what ya been up to

[14:05] Me: Not much.
Oh, well, we found out we’re pregnant.
but other than that, not much.

[14:05] C: :-O

[14:05] Me: I got a bebe in my belleh

[14:05] C: lol

[14:05] C: not really yet

[14:06] Me: Well. It’s a multi-celled little embryo. ;)

[14:06] C: there we go

You can see which of our two parents he takes after. :lol: He’s going to be an uncle! I hope he realizes how special that is.

(In my family there’s just my brother and me, so this is the first grandchild for my parents, and likely to be the only one for quite some time. My brother’s nowhere near being ready to procreate yet. He doesn’t even have a girlfriend.)

I have discovered my first pregnancy symptom! Indigestion. I really shouldn’t have eaten that potato-and-egg salad before bed (but OMG was it yummy). But now I can’t sleep because my stomach is all bloated and my ovaries are aching a little bit and I keep… burping. Yech.

Today I went to Walmart. (Bad, bad Natalie.) Our Walmart does not have a maternity section, which made me sad. I could really use some slacks. I tried on some dress slacks just a size bigger than I would normally wear and… yeah. Let’s just say they didn’t fit anywhere else but my waist. I ended up buying some sweatpants in size large (still have some room to grow in them before they become uncomfortable) and some t-shirts… just ’cause I always need t-shirts.

Oh yeah, and I bought some baby clothes. :shakehead First I saw some Boston Red Sox onesies. Not my thing. But my husband – an avid Red Sox fan – would LOVE them. So I bought them for him. (He did indeed love them, though they were the most awesomest baby clothes ever. Of course.) Then I bought a cute blue and green onesie just because.

I’ve really gotta stop going to stores.

But sometime this week I plan to make a trip to The Mall (where Target and BRU lives) to do a tiny bit more shopping. Just a tiny bit. I swear.

Quote from my manly-man husband this morning:

“Honey, you really need to stop buying baby clothes. Know why? Because if you don’t stop, I’m going to have to buy some, and then we’ll be really, really broke.”

He’s talking about Dallas Cowboys outfits now.

:lol:

Quick post from work to let you all know!

My second beta (16dpr) came back at 658! (First beta at 14dpr was 195.)

Okay, now I’m starting to get scared there’s two in there. (If there’s two, they’re identical… we only had one embryo!)

My first ultrasound is scheduled for Monday August 13th!

Today Den and I were talking about my situation at work and he was suggesting I get a dolly for lugging heavy things around. Which would make sense if I were moving things more than 5 feet, but I’m not. Anyways.

So we’re in the car and he’s going on about this and that he says something about how pregnant women should be careful about standing too long on their feet. And I said, “Oh, yeah, you get really swollen ankles. I’ve heard about that.” And he replies, “Not just that… it’s the blood flow, if you stand too long it all goes down to your legs and has trouble coming back up and it can affect the baby.”

Then after I got home from my meeting I took a shower. Den poked his head in, stuck his hand in the water and said, “Too warm! Don’t you know the baby’s temperture is 1 degree warmer than your own body temperture?!” and turned down the temperture a little bit.

:lol:

I know with that last one he was mostly joking (it really wasn’t too hot), but it is so freaking cute that he’s being all protective… and that his spouting all this data that even I have never heard of! He apparently spent all day at work reading articles about pregnancy.

Also, this afternoon as I was racing around trying to get ready for my meeting he leashed up both dogs to take outside. (Usually he takes one and I take the other… it’s a known RULE in this household, we both have to do it equally.) He looked at me and said, “Now don’t go thinking this is because you’re pregnant… because it is!”

He’s so freakin funny. I’ve never seen a man more excited to have a baby, ever!

Today I said to Den, you know all those many many cycles when I stood in front of the mirror to spy any kind of little change that would signal that I was pregnant? They still aren’t here. So yeah, lots of wasted time there. My nipples aren’t darker, my boobs aren’t veinier (well, not any more than they were on the progesterone – that might have been different if it were a natural cycle, perhaps), I have no nausea, no smell sensitivity… and so on. And the symptoms I’m having now only started after my period would normally have come… after I tested positive.

My symptoms are so slight that if I didn’t already know I was pregnant I probably would have just shrugged them off. And in any other situation perhaps having indigestion and weird twinges in my stomach would be annoying – but right now every time I feel something I get totally excited. I love to just lay here and pay attention to the little weird feelings in my stomach. There is definitely something going on in there. And it is so freakin’ cool.

My stomach feels very tight… whenever I stretch or lean over to grab something or lever myself up out of bed it feels slightly achy… like I just did a whole bunch of situps. It’s very, very weird. It’s nothing like what I imagined.

I decided not to get worried about twins. I’m pretty sure there’s just one in there… it’s a pretty slim chance to have twins. (In fact, when I was reading the stats in my clinic’s IVF book it stated that for 2004 and 2005 when 1 top-grade embryo was transferred on day 3 they had a 100% singleton rate. Not ONE set of twins when just one 3-day was transferred. Granted last year’s and this year’s results have yet to be tabulated… but still. That’s pretty significant, don’t you think?

Two weeks until my ultrasound. At first that sounded like a long time, but then I thought… two weeks!! That’s it! Two weeks until we can hopefully see the heartbeat! They say you should be able to see it by 6 weeks, which I guess is why they scheduled me for 6w2d (since 6w falls on a saturday). And the nurse said to make sure Denis can be there, that they’d reschedule if he couldn’t. Thankfully he’ll be back from his trip by then. (Yes, he’s going away. Saturday to Thursday. He said he’s going to be completely paranoid the whole time. He’s also going away for another week later in August.) He had the option (he’s in the air national guard – he has the option) of getting deployed for their usual “rotation” somewhere overseas (I think Korea?). He was considering going this time. Obviously, me getting pregnant made him change his mind!

I need to start making a list of questions to ask the nurses/my midwife. Unfortunately I don’t think I get released to my Midwife until after my ultrasound – maybe not until 8 weeks – and in the meantime I have a bunch of questions. I read so very much about getting pregnant, and now that I’m here… I’m not really sure what to do with myself!

Oh, but I did order a bunch more books. I figure that’s the next logical place to start… I certainly can’t let Den outstrip me on the pregnancy knowledge. I’d feel so shamed. ;)

It’s midnight and my stomach is growling at me. Last time I ate this late I got indigestion half the night. I’m not falling for that one again!

(It’s a little weird, but even the indigestion makes me giddy. Because it’s caused by pregnancy. And that? Is so flippin’ cool.)