Well, no period today. No spotting. Nothing. Pregnancy tests still saying nothing as well. *scratches head* I’m supposed to be 14 dpo right now, but I could be a day off. My boobs are a tiny bit sore, that’s it. My cervix has gone higher and softer, but is still really closed. But that could mean anything.
So tonight at the party I wasn’t drinking at all, because AF still hasn’t showed yet. Later in the night when everyone was having shots, our friends would not let it go and kept trying to get me to take some – my “No thanks” replies apparently weren’t enough. He said, “Well you’re not pregnant yet!” (I hadn’t mentioned my current situation to him, though they know we’re TTC.) I wasn’t going to bring it up, but replied, “Well, I don’t know, so…”
Apparently – now I did not know this – but in translation that really means, “Tell me how to get pregnant!” Because his wife leans over and tells us to stop trying, that she “guarantees” that will get us pregnant. This from someone who got pregnant the very first month off birth control, without doing anything more.
So, that irked me greatly. I guess I should have lied, as much as despise lying, and just said I didn’t want to drink for some other reason. I know our friends mean well by it – and that’s the only thing that stops me from getting really really bitchy to them. But remaining polite is taking greater and greater force of will.
Oh yeah, like I said: nothing happening tonight. Not even the slightest spotting.
Well today is being depressing. With the temp drop it’s about 99% sure my period is coming today or tomorrow, and that’s not a happy thought. I’ve been feeling very very light cramps across my lower midsection today, a few twinges in my belly button. All not good signs. :( It could be taken as a good sign… if my temp hadn’t dropped.
I was really starting to think we might have pulled it off this month. *sigh* Tomorrow Den will call the doctor’s office (if they’re open) to make an appointment for his SA. I’m starting to think I should get my CD3 and CD21 bloodwork done (checking progesterone), to make sure my hormones are all in balance.
This is all just so frustrating… it makes you feel so helpless. I guess that’s why it hurts so much when people sound so flippant about it… or make it sound like it’s your fault. “You’re just trying so hard.” So… it’s MY fault we haven’t gotten pregnant yet? Like it’s just so easy. Well apparently… it’s not so easy for us. Something isn’t functioning correctly here. And those people who make those comments… have absolutely NO idea how upsetting all this is. No idea at all. How can I not stress about something that we both want so badly? I’ve been able to just ignore the comments so far, but I think in another month or two I may reach the point of just bursting into tears when someone brings it up. Maybe then they’ll get the idea.
Where the frick is AF? Nearly midnight, still haven’t even spotted the tiniest bit. I swear, if it hits me all at once tomorrow I’m going to be so pissed. (If it doesn’t come at all I’m going to be very happy – but the likelihood of that is still very slim.)
I’ve been running numbers, going through all my previous charts. My LP is almost always spotting on 13, AF on morning of 14. There has been one chart where I got AF in the evening of the 14th, though. My O date is up in the air… it could be one of three days. I had always assumed it was the first day, because that’s when everything else lines up… but that date would put me at day 15 today, which would make me very late. If I err on the side of caution and assume it’s the later of the three days, that puts me at 13dpo today… which means I should have started spotting, but might just get AF tomorrow out of the blue.
So which is it. I don’t know. If we’re very very lucky tomorrow will give us a temp jump, no AF, and a BFP. If we’re unlucky I’ll get AF. And if life really hates me I’ll get no AF to get my hopes up, a BFN to confuse me, and then AF in the evening to sucker-punch me.
Den is all a mass of concern right now. I explained to him all of the above about my ovulation date, and he looked at me and said, “Another day of waking up, afraid to roll over and find you crying.” :( Awwwww. I know it hurts him as much as it hurts me when AF shows up yet again – but it really kills him to see me so upset.
Oh my gosh, I’m going totally crazy here. This morning I got up and had to pee – can’t go all night without peeing in the morning. I had no HPTs, so… I went to walmart after being up for about half an hour. I’ve been back for a few hours now… I still haven’t taken a test though because it hasn’t been very long since I peed, you’re supposed to hold it at least 4 hours. :eek: So I’m trying to wait another hour.
As far as how I feel… no period still. I feel bloated in my stomach – like up at my belly button. Nothing happening lower at all. Den and I are both pretty scared to test, we really don’t want to see another negative. (Which is why I’m trying to wait as long as I can.)
Okay… I layed down on the couch to watch TV and started getting cramps. :( High up, though, not really low like AF cramps. Still not a good sign.
Just got some pink CM. Know what that means. :(
The witch is here. Back to being quiet until next month’s obsessing.
Cycle #9. I’m set to ovulate while I’m at my parents’. As it is… well, we aren’t taking a month off, let’s just say that. Let’s just hope I don’t ovulate late due to the travel… because he’s going home before me.