Last night, while I was supposed to be cleaning, I ended up spending hours on an excel calendar. I downloaded a yearly calendar that is awesome! All decked out with formulas to automatically generate pretty much any calendar you want, just type in the year/month you want it to start with. But I wanted to show TWO years. And that was a pain in the ass. I couldn’t figure out the stupid arrays, there were things pointing to variables that I couldn’t find, and I was getting very irritated. Plus the stupid conditional formatting only accepts 3 different options, and I need 5.

I did finally figure it out half-ways. I have a calendar for 2005, 2006, and 2007 on different sheets. For any date up until the current date I have it highlighting my ovulation days and cycle start days. From the current date for the next 6 months it highlights my predicted ovulation and cycle start days. It’s pretty cool, I think. But then I’m into that ultra-geek stuff. :) I just absolutely love playing with numbers. My cycles have given me so much data to track, it’s so much fun.

Other than that there is nothing to report really. My period is finally ending, after having been heavier and more painful than my usual periods (but not overly so). But two days of pain and nausea and four days of pretty substantial bleeding is about all I can take.

Still no results from the doctor. Den did call, they said they don’t have them yet but they’ll call when they do. So more waiting. As if I don’t have enough waiting to do, right? Hopefully we’ll get the results tomorrow.

I recieved a the book I ordered last week, Resolving Infertility. I heard from Sperm Palace Jesters that it was THE book for dealing with infertility. And I bought it used for less than $5, including shipping. :) I like having new things to read.

Still no call from the doctor. Tomorrow I’m going to make Den call the doctor’s office and inquire as to when we’ll be getting the results… and to remind the doctor to forward them on to my OBGYN when they’re in.

Tonight I am cranky, and I want those damn results. I can’t even go into planning mode right now, not without knowing. We’re at a major crossroads and those results will tell me which way to aim.

So I was considering doing a moses basket instead of a bassinet for a baby, since we’re short on space in the bedroom and house in general. Unfortunately the consensus on the boards is that a moses basket is just too unsecure with dogs loose, too easily knocked over, that’s not good. So here’s our options:

* The baby sleeps in his/her crib in her bedroom right from the start. This means no extra purchase, but don’t want to do that. We want the baby to be with us. (The crib, btw, won’t fit into the bedroom.)

* We put the PNP in the bedroom. This is a low-cost option because we’re getting a PNP anyways, but this means the PNP won’t be available in the living room where I want it – because it’s where I spend all day. I’m also not sure if a PNP would fit in the bedroom. For now this is an option.

* We buy a bassinet for the bedroom. They’re usually smaller so it’ll fit in the bedroom. But this is an extra $100+ purchase. Plus most cradles/bassinets are SO horrifically frilly they make me cringe. Here’s one I found that I actually like.

* We buy a co-sleeper and just don’t attach it to the bed but use it like a seperate portable crib. This is expensive. But they’re usually smallish like a cradle/bassinet, and they’re less frilly. But can still only be used for a couple of months.

* Last option, we find some kind of portable bed that we can put on a crate that we can secure (tie down?), that won’t tip over. Space saver, no more floor space taken up. But will be another extra cost only used for a couple of months.

Decisions, decisions.

Oh, and if you’re wondering why we don’t just get rid of the crates – we can’t. The crates are absolutely necessary for the safety of our home and our dogs (they’re used when we go out, and for Zeeke when Den isn’t home). If we get around to building the laundry room I want one crate could possibly go in there. But the living room is already a living room/dining room/office and it’ll be full of baby gear, and the second bedroom is going to be the baby’s room, no dogs allowed. We are extremely short of space in this house. :( (We plan to finish the basement at some point and add on a new master bedroom suite in about 10 years, but those both take cash we don’t have at the moment. So it’s a shuffle.)

Wow. It’s really amazing what true connection can do for a marriage. DH and I have frequent disagreements, and I was getting very frustrated at not getting heard. We were both speaking so loudly we weren’t listening. The other day we finally sat down and talked about our mis-communications, openly and honestly.

And since then we’ve really been making an effort… at listening. At really saying what we mean, not just reacting. What a difference it makes! I walk away from our discussions feeling so empowered. And more than that, I feel really connected to him. I feel that really great emotion that had been lost among the mundane necessities of life. It feels great.

This marriage thing aint no walk in the park, that’s for sure. A lot of work, a lot of commitment. We just have to make sure we stay on the same side of the fence – working together instead of working against each other. Because life can get so stressful when you’re arguing with the person you live with! Especially when there’s only one bed. ;)

Wicked, wicked cramps today. At work, no less. And before that was nausea and stomach pain. Took a midol this morning before work, took two ibprofen at work, I think cramps are starting to go away.

I’m really glad I’m not working tomorrow so I don’t have to worry about dragging myself out of bed. Sounds like a good day to just stay in bed… all day.

A little bit out of sequence, but this morning I woke up a little later than usual, went to pee, and found… AF. I’m not upset this month, since we didn’t really have a chance. On to Cycle #12.

Unfortunately I have to work today and I already feel the cramping and nausea coming on. Fun stuff.

I have been feeling sick all day. This morning I got home from dropping Den off at work and had one of my nasty, gut-wrenching stomachaches causing me to feel like puking. Those are never fun. And all night I’ve felt kind of bloated and like my bladder was about to burst. Blah.

A part of me would like to believe these are good signs, but I know that this month they are either not related to my cycle or telling me that AF is knocking on the door.

Only a month and a half until our “official” diagnosis. That’s somewhat depressing. I don’t know if I’ll make a call before my next cycle is over – it depends on the SA results. But either way if cycle #12 ends in a BFN I’ll be putting the wheels in motion. Cycle #12 – twelve! Good god, who would have thought. We just want some answers.

Though, it would be nice to tell people that we have an actual diagnosis of infertility – I think it carries more weight in peoples’ minds. Maybe they’ll stop with the “just relax” crap. And if they don’t, I’ll tell them to take the medical diagnosis and shove it. Yes indeed.

Jeez, I was so preoccupied I forgot the news of the day: the SA – well at least our part of it – is done! Communication between doctor and lab and us left a little bit to be desired, though. We got to the lab and the receptionist asked us for our paperwork. We did not have any. DH was never given any, nor told he had to have any. Receptionist said she’d check to see if the doctor faxed it over, and luckily he had. DH and I were shooting looks at each other and muttering, “Paperwork? He never mentioned paperwork. I’ll be pissed…” And then the receptionist asked if we had the sample. …. No. We were not told to bring a sample with us, nor were we given anything to put a sample in. So she got us one and told us we could drop it off whenever.

Den didn’t say anything – he’s far too nice sometimes – but neither of us wanted to rearrange our schedules to make a second trip in tomorrow. We we went in search of a private washroom. We found one. :D I did point out to Den that they more than likely had some sort of room for on-site samples, but I think he didn’t really want to ask, it would have made him feel even weirder. I just tried to make it feel like we were having a naughty public tryst. Considering he hasn’t been able to do anything with me for over two weeks, it wasn’t a hard sell!

So the sample is done. As we left the building Den said, “That was somewhat anti-climactic.” In fact it’s only really sinking in for me now that our first big step is done and that we’ll soon be getting results that could change everything. I’m thinking Den is probably full of apprehension at getting the numbers. I really don’t know what to expect. And we’ll just have to deal with whatever we get.

I found this article speaking from a man’s perspective, discussing the motivations behind why some circumcised men – like my husband – freak out at the idea of not circumcising their son. Very, very enlightening. Whenever I bring it up Den just keeps repeating, “It’s so unhealthy, it’s so gross,” like a mantra. He is very, very emphatic about it. He never explains it more than that, he has no more reasoning behind it than “It’s disgusting,” and I severely doubt he’s ever read anything about uncircumcised penises. (Because he just doesn’t do something like that and the very topic would make him turn and run. He simply would NEVER read anything voluntarily.) It is very frustrating trying to have a give-and-take conversation with someone – me wanting to discuss facts, research, stuff I’ve read. He does not want to discuss it. He does not want to think about it.

So that article was really very good. I really hope someday we can sit down and have an open discussion about our motivations and desires regarding the subject, but I know it is going to be a very, very heated and touchy subject with him. I am really going to try to not push a discussion until I’m actually pregnant. Because though I would love to get the discussion done with as soon as possible (and also keeping in mind that it will probably be an ongoing discussion, the more time to think things through the better), but I also do not think that it is a good idea to stir up this hornet’s nest at this point in time. We have a lot of other things to be concerned with, including getting pregnant in the first place.