I feel so uncomfortable right now… I got up this morning and ran to pee, but I still feel as if my bladder is about to burst… and I know it’s not my bladder. It’s my silly ovaries. Feels SO swollen and tender. Yeouch. Hope this is short-lived.

I do not, however, have any tenderness from the injection site. For some reason this month there is no redness, no soreness. o.O Go figure. I’m not complaining.

Oh gosh! I forgot to post the update on the IUI this morning! Yes, we had it done! Luckily everything worked out, for which I am very thankful.

This morning I pulled out the instruction sheet from the bag and read it – it said call the lab by 8pm the day before. Well I called at 7:35pm, so that took my anxiety level down about 3 notches. But the sheet also said to call a SECOND number to “register” with the hospital. Agghhh. So I called this morning while we were in the private room. LOL! Got myself all registered, no problems.

So we got there at 7am, got the private room, I made the phone call, Den pulled a curtain back and told me not to look, then we dropped off the sample.

Then we went to IHOP for breakfast. It was good! I’ve been wanting to go to IHOP forever, so I was happy to get to go finally. I had french crepes and scrambled eggs and bacon, Den ordered an omelette. It was the biggest omelette I have EVER seen… it was massive!! Den wasn’t even very hungry, so he was slightly dismayed. He only ate half.

Went back to the hospital to sit and wait until 9am, picked up the washed sample, went in for the IUI. The numbers:
97 million total count
84% motility
Which makes 81.5 million total motile

It took her a little while to get the catheter in, said my cervix is curved, but I didn’t feel too much. Just felt weird. I was just laying there thinking, “This is such a strange way to conceive a child.” Yes, very weird. Well, okay, I felt a little bit of pressure down there that made me scrunch up my face. But Den held my hand and I focussed on relaxing and was fine.

She said two weeks from today if my period hasn’t started I can come in for a bloodtest that would be pretty certain one way or the other. I don’t know if I will or not, might just stick with my pee sticks. She also said I don’t need a progesterone test this cycle, because they did it last cycle and my numbers were plenty high enough so they’re not concerned. Fine with me.

So yay. On to the 2ww. I test at 12dpo on January 15th. Then test again at 14dpo on January 17th, the date they told me to, lol.

We have done our duty and BD’d to make sure all possible sperm are coming from all possible angles. Den has given the little men a pep-talk, ordering to “pick left or right, it doesn’t matter – just swim straight!” So hopefully one of those little buggers will find a target.

I am still preoccupied with future plans for how to tackle everything within our insurance limits. Maybe I’m being premature on that, I dunno. I just like having a plan. Like Den said, “You always plan for things that never happen.” (Which is true.) “Which is why I know we’re not going to have a third cycle – because you’re so worked up over it!” Heh. Okay, works for me.

Well that sucked.

I called the RE Nurse’s number earlier today and tried to explain my predicament about not knowing what the future holds in terms of doing another clomid cycle vs an injectibles cycle because our insurance only covers one more IUI. I made an appointment with the Dr, but the earliest they can get me in is end of February – which, obviously, is too late to figure out what to do for cycle #3. I need to make a decision about whether or not to use our insurance next cycle in the next two weeks.

So the Nurse left me a message… they recommend doing IUI with clomid “for many reasons” (but she didn’t say what they WERE). She went on to say they suggest to schedule an appointment with Dr. Lynch…. apparently she missed the fact that I DID schedule an appointment with Dr. Lynch, but it’s going to be too late.

So I talked to Den. He wants me to call back and ask specifically what the reasons are for the IUI (which we would have to pay for if we don’t use insurance next cycle in order to save it for an injectibles), and specifically if they “want” us to do an injectibles cycle in the future. Because if we use the insurance on a clomid cycle we will NOT be doing injectibles, we’ll move straight to IVF (which we DO have insurance coverage for). That’s our decision. Like Den said – “You are getting four follicles! What is the point of going on injectibles, to get 12?!” Which has been my thinking all along. I don’t really want to spend more money on something that is not going to increase our chances any further than what they are without causing significant risks. I do not WANT more than 4 follicles on an IUI cycle, simply put.

I just don’t want them to be all, “Oh, do another clomid and IUI!” and then after that say, “Oh we need you to do an injectibles cycle before you do IVF.” That would make me pissed off, see. I just want to make sure that we’re all on the same page here. And Den and I do think we’re going to do clomid with no IUI if these three fail… before jumping to IVF. A max of three more cycles (six total), unless we decide that we’re done with it and ready to move on. But I really don’t see me being ready to do IVF after only three cycles.

What I really want to do is talk to the Dr, but I can’t do that! How frustrating.

I fucked up. I got home from the ultrasound, wrote about it, played my game a bit, then took a nice long nap. Got up, had food, etc etc. Just now Den’s telling me we’re going to have to get up in the morning for the IUI and I sit up in bed and say, “OMG! I was supposed to call them!” We have to call to make the appointment – the day before the IUI. Now it’s 7:30 and I don’t know what to do. Crap crap crap!!!

I called, they close at 4:30. I left a message for them. I’m so mad at myself. Gah.

Ultrasound is done. End result: yep, I’ve been feeling it on my right for a reason. I have 4 in total, 1 on my left (known open) side, 3 on my right (unknown). But I don’t know, I just can’t seem to muster up a whole lot of enthusiasm. I can cross all my fingers though, for sure.

Full stats:
My lining was 8mm triple layer.
Left side had one 23mm follicle.
Right side had a 22, a 24.5, and a 25mm.
All four follicles were mature and ready to go.

So I got my trigger shot (stomach again – I requested it, since I barely feel it going in). Going in for my IUI tomorrow.

At the end of the appointment I asked about maybe making an appointment with the RE herself to talk about what we’ll do if this cycle doesn’t work. She originally said their protocol is 3 clomid IUIs, then 3 injects IUIs before IVF – but our insurance only covers 3 IUIs total. So I want to find out if we’re going to do an injects next cycle, continue with the clomid (since I AM getting a huge response out of them), and if we’re going to move on to IVF after three cycles of insurance-paid IUIs or if she really wants us to do more IUIs even if we have to pay for it. So anyways I went to make an appointment and the earliest she has open is mid-February. I kept saying, “I need something in the next two weeks,” and the receptionist replied with, “Is February 20th okay?” Grrrr. So I don’t know what to do really. I’m going to call the nurses line to see if they can figure it out without me needing to actually come in for an appointment, maybe they can get the Dr to call me or something. Because otherwise we’re going to be mid-cycle 3 before even getting to ask her, and obviously by then it’s too late to change our plan for cycle 3’s IUI. Whatever.

Plus Den was a little annoying today. I know we didn’t get much sleep (though I was awake before the alarm even went off, guess I was anxious about the appointment). The whole way there he was having temper issues with other drivers on the road – and to be fair they were worse than normal, but still is cursing really going to fix it? Then when I brought up to him about seeing the Dr he said I should schedule it for after my period is supposed to come. I tried patiently to explain to him that clomid starts on day 3, and I don’t KNOW when my period will come, so that would be too late to change what we’re doing and he got all pissed off at me (because I wasn’t agreeing with him – damn that logic). I honestly don’t know what that was about, but that put me in a bad mood. And THEN the entire time we were at the doctors he was reading a magazine. And every time I spoke to him he’d only half-listen, with an expression on his face like I was interrupting him. I didn’t ask him to come along so he could sit there like a lump on a log… I actually wanted some company. The only thing he did do was jot down the numbers as the nurse did my ultrasound, like I asked him to. But next time I think I’ll just ask him to stay home. Grrrr.

I should be excited today, but instead I’m feeling exceedingly grumpy.

Oh yeah, today (day before my ultrasound) I’m feeling very very bloated/tight in my pelvic area. Feels like I have a balloon in there. And it’s on my right side.

Den found out he doesn’t have work tomorrow, so he’s thrilled – but my ultrasound appointment’s still in the morning. He might come with me to see the big follies. Maybe it’ll be good luck. :)

Oh, and one last thoughts: I will no longer be mentioning TTC to any of DH’s friends. They’re great people, but on the subject of infertility they are insensitive and ignorant. Last night everyone was drunk and every single one of them, when the subject was brought up (by Den) said, “Oh, you know how it is…. it’s all up here.” (Pointing to their head.) “The more you think about it…” I was unfortunately not drunk enough to laugh it off, plus I was feeling a bit sick, so I ended up very crabby. And in fact I am getting more and more annoyed all day, thinking about it. I did at one point try to interject some actual logic, but they just shook their heads solemnly, because they know. Whatever. I will no longer be speaking about it. I have many, many friends who are able to be supportive and understanding – I do not have space for those who are not.

(New Years, by the way, ended on a much better note than that – we left that party at midnight and went to see a band and hang out at one of my friend’s places, and we had a good time.)

Four days of clomid down, one left to go. I have mapped out our BD schedule for the next week and a half, to make sure we time things right for the IUI. Now I know that I will more than likely trigger on CD12 I can be more sure about the BD timing, so that’s always nice. I guess there are benefits to having gone through it once before.

I felt a pang or two on my right side – that’s not good. Well, it’s not exactly bad, but follies on the left would be preferable. We’ll have to see closer to the U/S.

Not much else to be done right now. We’re recovering from the christmas craziness, the house is still a disaster and needs to be cleaned, I’ve been liberally imbibing alchohol without guilt. Anger and frustration, sure – but no guilt.

And now I think I’m ready for bed. Tired from my work’s holiday party.

Oh my god, I just got a horrible headache tonight. It started a couple of hours ago, I took some advil for it at the same time I took my other pills. It still hurts so bad. Just now I’m wondering if it’s related to the clomid. Ugggg. That would suck. (Of course it could just be one of my stupid headaches.)

I know it is highly unusual to write about the names you’ve picked out before you even manage to get pregnant, but we’re unusual people. Den and I were talking briefly about children today on the way home from the family dinner – mainly me sighing that everyone was talking about kids and grandkids and the neices were there and I just felt a little sad. He understood the feeling. We sure hope we have a little one by next christmas.

But the talk turned to names, and how much we really love the names we’ve picked out. The first two we had settled last year:
Kailet Amber for the first-born girl.
Devin Alin for the first-born boy.
But with all of this talk of possible twins I’ve been tossing around name ideas for just in case we end up with two of the same. For boy’s we’re completely sunk, there’s none that we even halfway agree on, either I hate it or he hates it. But we did come around to a name that we adore for a girl: Catherine Elizabeth. We just both think it’s so gorgeous. So much so that I may want to swap, depending on how I feel when I get pregnant with a girl.

Den said jokingly today, “Now I kind of want to have two girls, just so we can use both names!” He’s so cute. And of course I know he meant two girls and a boy – and three children? Me? I highly doubt that will ever come into play unless we do end up with twins. (I told Den that if we get twins I’ll consider trying for a third – especially if they’re the same gender. Can you imagine? Yeek.)

Yesterday, being christmas eve and all, I almost forgot to take my first clomid pills. But I remembered. And today too. Woo, two days of clomid already down. My ultrasound is on January 2nd – I have a feeling it will be here in no time.