Here I am, 5:30 in the morning again. This time we didn’t get to bed until almost 2 (we were at a wedding), so it’s right on time…. this time, though, I just woke up with indigestion… nothing really I could pinpoint, just a weird pressure in my stomach that made it hard to fall back asleep. Well, and my foot/leg is really sore too, so that’s not helping. After a while I got up and peed and went to get a glass of water or something from the kitchen. I made it about 5 feet down the hall, then turned around and dashed back into the bathroom to puke. :( I swear, these midnight pukes are the WORST. And I just don’t understand it! Is it from lack of food? If that were the case, wouldn’t you think I wouldn’t be able to sleep during the day? Because after I get sick and have a little hot chocolate and stay up for a bit to let everything settle, I go back to bed and easily sleep 8 hours! But how can it be from food really, it’s been hours and HOURS since I ate last. I just don’t know what to do to stop this. If I eat before bed it just gives me worse indigestion.

I know there is more to say, but it is now 6:15 and I need to try to get more sleep. :(

Yesterday I was driving along listening to the music and Tim McGraw’s “Live Like You Were Dying” song came on. And for some strange reason, I almost started crying right there in the car, listening to the lyrics. Because of a country music song. Seriously, people. This shit is scaring me.

Right now I really really want to drink water. But every gulp of the (fresh, cold, bottled) water that I take just tastes like the nasty bile I just puked up. Gag me.

Yep, 2am pukings. No particular cause, other than “pregnancy.” Just woke up feeling bloated and nauseated. I did eat a handful of those sour gummy candies before bed… maybe they didn’t agree with me. (Although they tasted good. And I do NOT like sour candy. I don’t think I’ve eaten anything like that since at least high school!) So I’m sitting here eating baby cookies and sipping on water and coke.

::

We got a new dishwasher months and months ago. Typically I am the one who loads, runs, and unloads the dishwasher. And I’ve been… slack. I do it when the sink full of dirty dishes starts to smell (although with my nose that’s been pretty quickly!)… I’ve been pretty bad… I just leave the clean dishes in the dishwasher, grabbing them from there until it’s nearly empty. So the other night when I got home from grocery shopping I brought in the first load of groceries and was just setting them down in front of the dishwasher when WHIRRR WHOOOSSSHHHH the dishwasher springs to life. I nearly yelped. For a half-second I thought the thing was possessed and had just gone off half-cocked. And then I glanced in the sink and realized… holy crap, it’s empty! Den unloaded the dishwasher… and loaded the dirty ones… and RAN THE DISHWASHER. I was shocked. I thanked Den!

Then yesterday I get home from shopping at Walmart about a half-hour after Den got home. He was, of course, on his computer. I was hungry so I went to grab a clean dish from the dishwasher…. and the freakin’ thing was empty! I swear to god, for a second there I really didn’t know where all the clean dishes had gone, I was thinking, “Holy shit, we couldn’t have dirtied all of them already…” I looked in the sink, it was empty. Then I cautiously opened up a cupboard and THERE THEY WERE!!! Clean dishes! In the cupboard! I think my jaw was on the floor at that point.

I told Den later that we obviously totally under-paid on our dishwasher, since it’s magical and runs and unloads itself!! Den’s totally getting brownie points for THAT one! I am just so very thankful that I had one less thing to do.

The other day, he scrubbed out the bathtub/shower. And ran a couple loads of laundry. And folded laundry.

Yesterday at Walmart I bought a couple of small things to help organize my purse. That was what I did during the evening – got rid of all the papers and sorted them into a little receipt filer. That’s about the extent of my energy level lately. I’m sorry to say the house is looking pretty bad.

::

I got my new car! Isn’t she beautiful??

It certainly doesn’t look like a car that we had a tight budget on. It has a ton of miles on it, the upholstery could be in better shape… but it’s a 2001, it has power doors and windows, remote keyless entry… basically everything I was hoping to get, but wasn’t sure I could afford. It’s technically a mid-size sedan, it has a ton of room in the back for people (or babies!) and yet it feels like a smallish car to drive. It just FEELS good to drive. I’m just so thrilled!! After 2 and a half years it feels so good to have my own vehicle again! I’m just so excited about my car. :D

I have decided that orange juice is a drink straight from hell. Well, no I lied – I decided that immediately after drinking the damn thing last night. But this morning’s puking has really solidified that opinion.

Here I was thinking, OJ is good for you! I did not fully realize the possibility for severe yuckiness.

If Den doesn’t want to take that shit to work it’s getting dumped in the toilet. Which really is quite fitting, because that’s where it would all end up anyways, were I to attempt to drink it.

:sick:

::

What I meant to post last night and then didn’t…

* Our A/C sometimes doesn’t work right. Like now, it is set to 62 degrees and it’s not supposed to deviate from that by more than 2-4 degrees. It says it is currently 70 degrees in here. I am about to go aptshit on it… oh, THERE it goes, finally. Just as I am about to MELT. :fist:

* OJ is to be banned from our household, effective immediately. Why doesn’t it have a biohazard symbol on it? Or at least a pregohazard symbol on it?? I had a little bit of OJ and now I feel so sick… painfully bloated, gaggy, gassy, wanting to puke. Please Maalox, work soon.

* I want my caaarrrrrrr.

* Something my dad always says in amazement: “You can still remember that???” Yes. I can remember things from 15 years ago in perfect detail. Yesterday, however, is a total crapshoot. (Although today’s comment was, “I always knew you had a photo memory… But I didn’t know you were crazy!” That’s what I get for singing a theme song to a cartoon I haven’t seen in 10 years.)

* I have posting ADD. When I’m posting something longer than one sentence I have to constantly flick over to other browser windows to read things. It irritates me, and yet I have to do it.

And then I forget to post things at 1am when I finally get tired, and wake up thinking, “Wait, did I…?” Well, at least after puking I think that.

Well, it happened… it finally happened. I had a Total. Meltdown. In a parking lot. On the phone. Tears and snot all manner of patheticness as I screeched at my poor husband (who was a bystander, btw).

And to be honest, on the scale of 1-10 terrible things that could happen, the actual rating of the bad thing that happened today was about a 2. It was far from life-threatening. It won’t have any lasting impact. It was an irritation, and something worth bitching about, but… oh man. Standing there in that parking lot? I easily ranked it as a 7. Maybe an 8.

(The terrible horrible thing that happened to me today was that when I went to register my brand new vehicle that I paid for today at the RMV they would only take cash or check… no credit, no debit. Bugger… who the hell only takes personal checks? NO ONE takes personal checks anymore! So I drove to an ATM. And the ATM wouldn’t give me money. I tried all my credit/debit cards, in two different bank ATMs, but each one of them had some problem that wouldn’t allow me to get cash out. For one card I don’t know the PIN number; for another the card isn’t authorized to make withdrawals; and for our joint account it was telling me our debit limit was exceed, which is completely retarded because we haven’t touched that account all day. And THAT was why I was freaking out. I couldn’t get money out. Me, an ATM, three bank/credit cards, and NO MONEY. And of course all banks were closed at that point… and the RMV was closing in 15 minutes. MELTDOWN. So we’re going to have to go there tomorrow to register the vehicle and get my plates. Not a huge deal, agreed? Tell that to my pregnant self. HA!)

But on the good side, is that I now OWN (or at least, a bank under contract to me owns – haha) my very own vehicle! I do not HAVE said vehicle because it does not yet have plates, but it is MINE. It is boootiful. I can’t wait to post pictures!

My head is still all woozy, however. And thanks to Kel, I now know that it may not be fixable until the pregnancy events out a little bit (hopefully then, right??). Oy. I consistently feel like I’ve had 3 white russians in short succession… except without the giddy, giggly feeling. No, I feel much too bitchy to be drunk.

Can anyone tell me what I need to eat to get rid of this light-headed woozy feeling?? I know I haven’t been eating a lot the last few days, though I had a big dinner last night, but I still have this really woozy feeling and it’s pissing me off. It’s hard to get anything done when I can’t concentrate, and all I want to do is sleep. (And I already got PLENTY of sleep!) I just want to get some work done now… without fainting! I might go dig up some yogurt, see if that helps.

I’m going through the magazines and stuff that the doctor’s office gave me. The “new parent’s checklist” right at the moment. Maybe it’s because I’ve been looking at baby stuff for two years now… but I just look at this huge list and “tsk” to myself. I mean, do we really need that much stuff for a baby? Do I need to buy a ton of bottles and bottle brushes and bottle racks and formula… if I’m going to be breastfeeding? (I know things can go wrong with that, so maybe I’ll have a couple on hand, but I’m NOT going to buy the whole stash!!) All kinds of toys for every known baby gear… “netting” for every stroller and playyard and crib and bassinet… cloth diapers and lap pads and burp cloths and blankets and swaddle blankets?? I mean, come on! You can’t use a normal blanket for more than one use? You can’t use cloth diapers as burp cloths and lap pads and general cleaners-uppers?? Some of this stuff just has me shaking my head. I know they put everything on a list because you never know what the person is going to be needing (breastfeeding vs. bottle feeding, etc), but yeesh!! No wonder new parents are broke!

Remember how I said my boobs were possibly growing at a snail’s pace? Yeah. They’re bigger all right. Ever since I got C-cup boobs several years ago (when I went from 110lbs to 130+lbs), I could “measure” my boob by putting the base of my middle finger on my nipple, and the tip of my finger would touch the crease right where the boob meets the body under my armpit. It’s always been like that, just that size. Well the other day I did that little measurement… wow, um… not even CLOSE to touching. My fingertip now falls mid-boobage. Maybe it’s not a TON of growth – I am still fitting nicely in my newest (9 months old?) 36C bra, just a little fuller than before – but they’re definitely bigger! I do notice, however, that the 36C bras are kind of getting a little tight around the ribcage. I may simply move up to a 38C, and fix both problems (since cup size is slightly larger with a larger band size). Hooraayyyy boobs!

By the way – I am 10 weeks along. One quarter of the way through my pregnancy. That sound you just heard was my jaw hitting the floor. I really really cannot believe it. I’m half-way to finding out what sex baby we have growing inside me!

Oh, and my 10 week picture is up. Sorry I forgot to post it here yesterday! :) Not much change from last week, IMO. Just ever so slowly creeping outwards. :) I loooove my belly!

Don’t love the zits quite as much. Been washing my face frequently, but I still have several little whiteheads popping up on my chin. Stupid chin!

Today has NOT been a good day for me and food. It started this morning when I got up, had a croissant for breakfast, then a little later I felt nauseated… and tossed my cookies. I felt actually pretty happy. Yay I’m sick again!

Went to work. Got a little hungry, so I ate some doritos. Got sick. Had a hot chocolate…. it settled my tummy.

I went to my doctor’s appointment, had 4 vials of blood drawn. I felt quite light-headed for an hour after that. Den took me home and fed me some dinner… some of his leftover pork fried rice. It actually stayed down!! The only actual food item that stayed down all day. I felt okay for a few hours.

Before bed I got hungry. I brought out a piece of cake. The same birthday cake leftovers I had some of last night. I ate it. It was good. But then I didn’t feel too well. No, I really didn’t feel too well. No… really… GET OUT OF MY WAY DOG, I MAY PUKE ON YOU! Ran to bathroom, breathing deeply to keep the nausea down. And it all. came. back. up. every little bite of that cake. And probably all my meds I take in the evening, too. It was nasty. Icky nasty, just-wouldn’t-stop puking.

I’m now feeling hungry and “empty” and yet scared to eat anything for fear of tossing it all again. I’m having a cup of hot chocolate (even though I’m alread hot) because it seems to have magical properties, as far as I can tell.

I doubt I got many actual calories today. I know, it sure sounds like I didn’t eat much today. To be honest, after the first two incidents I was afraid to eat anything else. Even the sight of food was making me nauseated. I sure hope tomorrow is better. We’re going out to a nice restaurant with Den’s siblings and I really prefer not to spend $20 just to puke.

I really really appreciate my body giving me a positive pregnancy “sign.” I really do. I am thankful. But… did it have to be quite so forceful?

Well I just woke up from a nap and am cranky as hell, but I’ll try to write this all down before I fall back asleep. (Reason I took a nap was because I was sitting here and just basically crashed… couldn’t function at all.)

Today was my first appointment with my midwife. For which of course I forgot my list of questions. I think I need to print them out and put them in my purse a month ahead of time. Idiot. I did ask about my Celexa, and she said she’s not certain and she’ll have to do some research on that one… there may be reason to switch me to a different SSRI. So that’s fine. Oh, and they can certainly write my prescriptions there at the OB’s office, so I’m all set.

Anyways, the appointment was just taking my weight and blood pressure, taking a urine sample (YAY for letting a pregnant woman pee. I’ve never been so glad to be asked to give a sample. You mean I get to use the bathroom? YES PLEASE!) then asking me lots of questions. Why do they always ask for LMP even though they have the EDD from IVF? What the hell does my LMP have to do with anything? But, they have to have it for their records. I did explain to the Midwife about the leap year thing, but she said within a day or two doesn’t matter so she’s going with what the RE gave them. So my “official” EDD is still April 6. I’m still going by April 5. I am stubborn. (Oh well.)

Gosh, I’m crashing again already. Better keep writing or I’m gonna lose it. Yup, I’m totally spacing out.

Like I said, I forgot my list of questions, and I turn into a total idiot without something written down. I asked about my celexa, but that was it. However, she did mention something that made me quite concerned after the fact. The practice consists of two OBs and her, the RNM. Now I’ve met one of the OBs before, when I switched to this practice – he was the one who had the detailed chat on me about Celexa and pregnancy. I really liked him. Well I found out that he’s not delivering babies at all. She, the Midwife, does some deliveries. The other OB, who I have not yet met but am trusting I’ll like just as much as the other two in the practice, does most of the deliveries. But then she said that he also rotates with some of the OBs from the practice at the hospital. Now it’s a practice I was considering joining, and I’m sure they’re very good doctors, but it REALLY concerns me that I may have someone from some other practice, who I don’t even KNOW, deliver my baby. I am perfectly fine with a practice rotating on-call OBs/RNMs, but I was under the impression that in any practice you get to meet everyone before you deliver so that you’re comfortable with them. So this kind of threw me and didn’t really sink in until after I’d left.

So what the hell do I do now? Well, I have another appointment with the Midwife in two weeks, and I will ask questions then. If in fact I don’t get to know/meet the OBs who “may” be on call when I go into labor, I have a serious issue on my hands. That makes me very nervous, and I do not want to be nervous about labor!

As I see it I’ll have two options.

Option one is staying with this practice, because I honestly truly do love the Midwife and I trust her and I would LOVE for her to take care of me throughout my pregnancy. I like the practice, both the OB I met and the RNM have opinions on things that closely mirror my own… they seem to be very easy-going about things, very understanding. They’re knowledgeable and like to research things like my meds and never give me the brush-off. I mean, today when I walked in the Midwife was walking by and she saw me (I haven’t seen her since May, mind you, and the last time I’d seen her before that was May 2006), and she lit up and said, “Oh congratulations! I’m just so happy for you! So IVF did it for you?? Did they treat you well?” I mean, seriously. She’s awesome. She knows charting, she knows Fertility Friend, and I just immediately liked her from the start.

But if the labor part is going to be an issue, if I DO stay with this practice and take my chances, then I pretty much will want a Doula there with me. If I don’t know who will deliver me, I want to know SOMEONE who will be there, trust them, and know that they will watch over me and the doctors and nurses and make sure my wishes are known and understood. It’s as simple as that. I fully intend to have Denis at my side at all times, helping me through contractions, keeping me focused and keeping me relaxed. I will need him with me the entire time. I will be in no shape to argue with doctors and make sure they know my birth plan – and I doubt he will be either. So the Doula could really do that for me. Having her there would really reassure me… as long as I find one I really like and trust, of course, goes without saying. I just remember Kel’s labor with Eric, and how she had a strange doctor she’d never met before come in and give her an episiotomy without even saying a word to her. I do NOT want that to happen. I do not want to have to worry about these things while I’m in labor – I want to be worrying about getting the baby out. So I think having a Doula there to take on that responsibility will be a wonderful thing for me.

No, it’s not ideal. But neither is option b…

Which is, to switch to the group of all-Midwives that practice out of the hospital. This gives me a major benefit: I would be guaranteed having a Midwife-attended birth. The downside is that I would lose my current Midwife, who I love so much, and I’d have to go through not just the hassle of switching practices, but it’s an “unknown” right now. It’s possible I switch and don’t even like anyone there. I guess I could have an interview there first? So I’ll have to think about that.

It’s going to be a really tough decision. I’ll just wait 2 weeks to get some questions answered and go from there.

So let’s see what else.

Oh yes, my weight came in at a little over 141, so the nurse said she’s going to estimate my pregnancy “starting weight” as 140. 140!! Holy moly! I haven’t been 140 since before I started IVF! I find it highly amusing that my first trimester has been spent LOSING weight… losing all the weight I put on during IVF. (Only 4lbs, but still.) When I put on that weight and got pregnant… I really thought I was just doomed for this pregnancy and beyond. They say the higher you are when you get pregnant, the harder it is to take off afterwards. :( SOMEDAY I would like to get back down to 130. Obviously not now, and not anytime soon, but say a year after the baby’s born… I’d love to see that number again.

My blood pressure was 110/67. Holy moly! That’s so low! And I was at work all day too! She said it was “excellent.”

The Midwife also asked me about different screening options. She said we have the option of doing an ultrasound between 10 and 13 weeks or doing one after 14 weeks, to screen for Down’s, Trisomy 18, and Trisomy 13. Since I’m 10 weeks now I kind of felt like I needed to give an answer. Problem is, I really have not developed much of an opinon about NT screening. I really dislike that it has the possibility of false negatives, and doesn’t give a definitive answer. But of course I’m sitting there thinking… screening = ultrasound I wouldn’t otherwise have. And that, my friends, is a good thing for us neurotic preggo infertiles. So I decided to go ahead and schedule it. Later when I talked to Den I found out he’s very much in favor of screening, either way, so he’s very happy I scheduled it. The scan is on Sept 26, first thing in the morning.

Also scheduled my next appointment, which will be in two weeks on Sept 21 with the Midwife. Next time it’ll be a full exam for me, and she said we’ll try to hear the heart tones! :D

At the appointment they also gave me a bag of “goodies”… mostly magazines and stuff. Three of the things in there are worthy of note:

First thing that fell out was a sample pack of Expecta (DHA suppliment). One of the items on my list of questions was if I could/should take Expecta, since I’ve been taking it since I got pregnant. Guess that was answered! Will keep taking it. :)

Second thing is a pretty thick little booklet about pregnancy and hospital services, from the hospital that I’ll be delivering at. It’s very comprehensive, has phone numbers for every division you might need to contact, a list of when to call the doctor or go to the ER, and all sorts of pregnancy information – body changes, symptoms, nutrition, labor, etc.

What really caught my eye is how comprehensive it is. It mentions several different types of relaxation/pain management techniques. There is a page called Medication under the Labor section, and it starts out like this: “The decision to use medication is one that only you can make once you are in labor. Many woman can and do deliver their baby without medication, but others need the tool of medication. It is important that you feel comfortable with your decision, which should be what is best for you. A successful childbirth is one that you feel good about.” Interesting, right? So then they list the different types of medication used and the pros and cons of each. They do the same for “Medical Management of Labor and Birth” – which lists different medical proceedures doctors use during labor, such as episiotomy, fetal heart monitoring, and induction. Again, pros and cons of each are listed. Earlier in the Labor section there is “Comfort Measures For Labor.” First item listed is Hydrotherapy, where it states, “You can either use the shower or get into our hydrotherapy tub, which is available on a first come basis.” Seriously, a hydrotherapy tub???? OMG! They also mention Doulas in a positive light, and use of a Birth Ball, which they provide in every room. They even have a section in here on birth positions, listing a whole bunch of them.

I am VERY VERY impressed. This is a hospital – a very big, major hospital in the area – but I am super impressed with their women’s center. They obviously have a full surgical OR for c-sections and every kind of medication handy and a hospital full of doctors. But the fact that they have tubs and showers in (I think) all the rooms, provide birth balls, and give info on alternate birthing positions… gives me such a very good feeling. It sounds like it’s just right for me.

The third thing that I have to mention is more of a giggle-factor than anything.

To back-track a little… on my birthday there were all my MILs there. (I technically have two MILs, but my SIL’s mother was there too, heh.) They got talking about birth, and they kind of… well, they went off and running talking about “girls nowadays” and our reading and birth plans and how I shouldn’t do ANY of that. (Apparently, being medicated, alone, flat on your back and terrifed is a MUCH better method of childbirth. Whatever.) I was specifically told “not to read too much” and they ranted for a while about “birth plans” and how girls “find them in books” and how it guarantees you a c-section because obviously you’re too uptight to relax and have a baby “normally”. The attitude stunk and I got pretty upset and left. I don’t think they noticed. The three of them were still all going on about it for a while afterwards. Ugh.

So what do you think was in my little bag of goodies? Why, it’s a cute little pregnancy calendar/info guide. And what is in it? Why, isn’t that a BIRTH PLAN??? Yes it is! A sample little birth plan. Given to me by the doctor’s office.

Oh the next time I get together with the MILs and they mention anything, I am NOT going to keep quiet. Oh no sirree bob. Cause now I have written proof right here that today’s hospitals recognize the benefit of “alternative pain management”… they recognize that not every woman wants the same kind of birth… AND that birth plans are NOT taboo, but simply a means of communication with all the staff you may run into, and may very well be encouraged by OBs.

So yep, that is my report for the day.

Oh, oh, I forgot, one last thing: my car loan was approved, we’ll be signing paperwork on monday and going to get MY NEW CAR!!!

Know how I said I was concerned because my morning sickness disappeared? Yeah. Apparently baby wanted to let me know he/she is still there. :gag:

And PS, apple juice tastes aweful coming back up.

I actually feel better now that I’m sick.

Because people might be interested. :)

First I read the car’s ad. It sounded good.

Then I looked at the car. It looked good.

Then I drove the car. It felt good.

Then I did research on that year/make/model. Lots of glowing reviews. It’s not the fanciest car you’ll ever own, but people said for the money it’s a damn good car.

Then I did research on that specific car via CarFax. Good report. One small accident in 2002, which was repaired and inspected right afterwards. Two owners. The second owner – who owned it for most of its life – appears to have taken pretty good care of it. Lubed it up, replaced small parts, rotated and balanced the tires, replaced the brakes. The rear brakes were replaced just in 2006, good news for us.

Plus I found out our state has a manditory 30 day guarantee on any car.

So we got the loan app, filled it out, got the purchase agreement, put down a $100 deposit, and I’ll be dropping off the loan app tomorrow morning. Then we wait for approval.

It’s looking like by monday I’ll be the owner of a car!! :shock: I’m excited and nervous all at once. I’ve never bought a car before. My last car was a “gift”. It was a junker, so it was expected to die any day now, but my dad managed to keep it running for 4 years. So I’ve never had a loan, I’ve never went out car shopping, I’ve never picked out my new car. It’s scary! And yet strangely empowering. I did it all myself! Den’s co-signing for the loan, and he set some parameters for what we can afford and what kind of car we should get (ie, no station wagons) and what limits I need to stick to (less than 100k miles on it)… but after that I did all the research, all the comparisons, all the test-driving, all the deciding. And that’s pretty damn cool. To be honest I was very nervous about visiting a dealer by myself and test-driving a car without him with me. I just felt very jittery about it. But when I went and did it… I felt really good about myself!

It’s funny, because I’m 25 and yet I missed out on a lot. Like on that loan app? It asks how long you’ve lived at your current residence and how long at your previous one. I don’t think my answer was what they were expecting: 2 years at current, 23 years at previous. combine that with my age of 25 and, well…. that says a lot about me right there! LOL!

Gotta go pull up a picture of “my” car before I go to bed. ;) Fingers crossed that everything goes smoothly with the loan approval.