This morning….

6:48 – Den takes the dogs out of the bedroom to take them outside. I vaguely hear it.

6:59 – I wake up, Den is gone, the dogs are chewing on cookies. My stomach feels “off.” I evaluate for a minute. Must need to pee. I get up and pee, and go back to bed.

7:04 – I roll over yet again. Still feels “off.” Can’t get back to sleep. Maybe it’s hungry?

7:06 – I sit up. Ugh. What is wrong? I should go get foo…. *gag* Oh crap. *gag* Run for bathroom. *gag gag barf gag*

7:08 – I eat some crackers and make myself a hot chocolate.

8:01 – I’m still sitting here, sipping hot chocolate. Irritated, because now I’m awake and I don’t want to be.

A conversation I’ve had frequently over the last few days:
Other Person: “You’re in your second trimester… isn’t morning sickness supposed to go away soon?”
Me: “Any day now. I’m ready for it to go away aaannnyyyy day now.”

Please don’t let me be one of the lucky ones who has it the entire pregnancy. That would suck.

I’ve been feeling weird… things… all day. In my stomach. And to be perfectly honest, I really don’t know where in my stomach. This morning/last night it felt like ovary pain – leftovary. Now it could actually be my ovary for some reason – maybe it’s getting squashed. It was very light, but it felt suspiciously like the times before that I’ve had obvious ovary discomfort. Then this morning I was laying here and it felt like my uterus was sore, achy. At another point today I felt like I was having very very mild cramps – like from my cervix. Now today I think it’s my actual stomach that is unhappy with me, but things are kind of coming and going.

It’s all very weird. Very very light… I kind of have to stay still to really feel them. But it’s something that makes me stop and go, “Huh…”

Honestly I think I’m just feeling things growing. Things getting a little smushed (ovaries), things expanding (uterus), muscles getting pushed here and there. Nothing that worries me.

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Today I stopped by a local library just to see what they had in their baby/childbirth section. I ended up taking out four books. One of which is called “Mothering the Mother,” is written by two medical doctors and a psychotherapist all about Doulas. It’s very enlightening. I had really hoped it would help Den understand, as it has large sections talking about what Doulas do, and how their goal is to enhance the relationship between the mother and father during the labor experience, not interfere with it – as I gathered was his fear about a doula.

For me… well, you all know I’m a numbers and information girl. Emotional support is all very well and good – and necessary! – but tell me what’s going on. What’s happening with my body. What the nurses are checking. What the numbers mean to me. Heck, tell me what the numbers ARE.

I’m still not 100% sold on this natural childbirth thing. Well, I’m sold on the idea – I’m just not sold on the belief that I can do it! It does scare me, yes – I think it’d be foolish to say it didn’t. I simply have no comprehension of what kind of pain it will be. How can I say I will for sure weather something, when I don’t really know what it is I’ll be going through? I have absolutely nothing to compare it to. I’m not much of a “pain” person. I was the kid who insisted on pulling off her bandaid a millimeter at a time, even if it took half an hour. I have had horrible AF cramps for the past several years, but how the heck am I supposed to know how bad they “really” are? Or how they’ll compare to labor? Labor just seems to be such a different entity. It’s not pain because I’m hurt. It’s not pain because I got my period again. It’s pain to bring about this child into the world. Pain with a purpose. Pain with a definitive end. I guess I can just prepare the best I can and just take comfort with the fact that I am a woman, we are built to do this, it won’t be easy, but I will get through it.

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More pains. Pretty sure these ones are gas. :lol: That, and my stomach is saying “feeeeed meeeee!” It loves pumpkin pie. :)

LOL Just for Jen, I finally put up my 13 week belly pic. And no, I don’t have them mixed up… I’m actually smaller this week (even though I feel bigger!). I think I was bloating badly at 12 weeks.

For your amusement, here’s a couple more 13 week photos:

The cat was less than amused with me. ;)

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I’d really love to say the nausea went away with the exhaustion, but… it did not. Yesterday at work I spent some good quality time with the toilet. And to make things even more fun, I was gagging and dry-heaving so hard I managed to pee my pants a little bit. Thank goodness for wearing pads, that’s all I have to say.

I’ll have to write more later… I have to get going!

I thought we weren’t supposed to start nesting until the third trimester? Apparently I missed that memo, because as soon as my energy started coming back (a couple of days ago, remember that burst of energy I had?) I started cleaning. The cleaning has been BADLY neglected for three months, and it’s driving me crazy.

Last night I had somewhat of an anxiety attack, just laying here thinking about how disgusting the house is, and got up and started flying around with a garbage bag. Den caught me and directed me into the bedroom corner (a nice, small starting spot) and I cleaned that right out, vacuumed the bedroom and everything. Today Den and I got up early to go out to breakfast (I need to ask for less strawberries next time… they always drown the poor waffle, so it’s soggy by the time I get to it!). And then we tackled the living room. We didn’t do a really GOOD job yet – we both started getting tired – and my desk is piled HIGH with paperwork to file and other crap that I can’t even identify. But everything’s picked up off the floor, all the trash has been tossed (you know – the crap paperwork you leave laying around and little odds and ends that somehow migrate to the table surfaces), and it’s been vacuumed.

Do note that we have all hardwood floors. And that our broom broke. :sigh: This makes me very frustrated. Although, our biggest problem is fur. With two dogs and two cats, te fur is everywhere. Sweeping never really solved the problem, the fur would fly up in all directions and make me want to screech like a harpy. When my parents were visiting they bought us a gift… a shop-vac. Den picked out one with a pretty strong motor. It freaking rocks. All that fur? Poof, gone. Unfortunately, as I learned yesterday… it also sucks up socks and dog toys (the big ones!!). Umm, oops. Luckily we rescued them.

I just feel so much better now. I still am feeling stressed when I look around the rest of the bedroom, but I hae to realize we can’t do the whole house at once. I think I need to tackle my mound o’ clothes on top of Zoe’s crate… dig out the effing closet, vacuum the hell out of that corner, and take all the useless clothes off to the Salvation Army. Then I’ll feel miles better!!

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I am going to kill the stupid bird who keeps scraping around right outside the bedroom window. Go away, you little bugger!! I need a nap!

Yes, despite the bursts of energy, they are still “bursts” – and in between I really need a nap!! Especially since I need to go to work this afternoon for a little bit. I should probably get a nap in before I go.

Quick stop in at the Midwife’s office today to try again to hear the heartbeat. Den met me there, as he wanted to hear it. I really didn’t think she was going to find it still, after hearing on wednesday how tipped my uterus still is. First thing she did was do a quick feel of my belly, she said, “Good growth this week!” Then she put the doppler on my belly, moved it around and… there it was!! Right dead-center above my pubic bone. It’s really cool to know that the baby is right there.

Den was enthralled. He said he was surprized, that he thought it would be more of a “thump thump” than a “whoosh whoosh”. He was imitating the heartbeat sound all the way out to the truck, and probably all the way home too. :)

Midwife said the heartrate was in the “130’s, 140’s,” and I think that was just her ballpark, she didn’t count. I’m willing to bet, since on friday it was 147, that it’s right around there still.

What a crazy thing huh? To hear the little heart beating away, knowing baby’s inside me. It’s still hard to wrap my brain around that. During ultrasounds it kind of feels like the baby’s in the monitor, not in me, you know? Even though I’m growing – I feel positively huge this week compared to last week – it’s such a different thought to comprehend that I have a little creature growing in me.

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I think I may indeed be getting a little bit of my energy back. Today when I got home from work I cooked dinner and cleaned the kitchen. It wasn’t a thorough cleaning, but I unloaded the dishwasher, put all the dirty ones in there, washed the sink out, ran the dishwasher, cleaned off the counter, swept and mopped the floor, etc.

Of course, then I went and had a nap, so…

But really? I’m starting to feel a little upset about the house. I want the house to be in order and finally working right – with stuff where it should be – when the baby comes. Yes I have like 6 months left. But there’s a lot to do… We need to start tearing down the panelling in our bedroom so we can paint and finally get this room looking like an oasis. I was so focussed on the baby’s room, but in reality we’re going to be spending a TON of time in our bedroom for the first few months. I would kind of like it to be a nice place to be.

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On to the waayyy TMI category. You’ve been warned.

I mentioned my previous intestinal trouble (I couldn’t go – for days), and then how it resolved itself (I went… alot). Well during that I noticed I was spotting… and not from my hoo-ha, if you know what I mean. Happened again today. Now I don’t think whatever happened down there is very bad, but I can’t say it’s all that comfortable to go right now.

All I keep thinking is – I guess it’s only going to get worse from here. Wheee.

I am full of snot. It’s disgusting. Every morning I wake up (which is a laborious project all on it’s own), then reach for a tissue so I can hopefully attempt to breathe. Also? I don’t think I ever mentioned this, but when I was on the progesterone suppositories, I wore a panty liner every day. Well duh right? I was so happy to stop them, and stop using a panty liner! And then I realized…. a good amount of that grossness I was secreting “down there” was NOT because of the suppositories. It just kept coming. And to this day. Yep, panty liners are my friend! I guess this is what people meant by “increased mucous production” during pregnancy. Interesting. (Or some other word used to describe completely gross things.)

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Headache tonight. I had one before I went to bed, but it wasn’t *that* bad. I figured, it’s okay, I’ll just go to bed and sleep it off. Falling asleep was a little difficult, but no big deal. Then I woke up at 4am… and still had the effing headache. Arrgggg. I hate taking anything for mere headaches, especially now that I’m pregnant… but like Den said, Tylenol is safe, just take it! So I did. Headache finally going away.

You know, when I was at my appointment on friday with my Midwife she asked me about headaches. “Nope!” I said cheerily. “Just one, once – but nothing else!” Oh that figures. I’ve had about 4 this week.

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I am 12w6d pregnant. I feel so incredibly lucky and blessed to be here. One more day until I celebrate first trimester being over! How freakin’ crazy is that?

Today, while my Best Pie Ever was baking in the oven, I got one of those mythical bursts of energy and cleaned our bathroom. It was looking disgusting and needed a really good cleaning. It felt so good to mop down that floor and then stand back and see everything look clean. The sink, the mirror, the toilet… ahahaha. Cleeaaannnn.

So I figure that’s what I’ve been doing wrong… I’ve been going to bed early. That’s when I get my energy, lol. (Or maybe my energy is finally coming back? Nah… better not get that into my head… better to believe it’s just a fluke!)

Okay, someone needs to help me sort out my cravings here. I’m hungry, but so far tonight I’ve had fettucini alfredo (blaaand), yogurt (blech), and a peanut butter cookie (meh). I want *something* but I don’t know what! I know it has to have some kind of taste to it – normally I’m a very bland eater, but I need something more than that. And I don’t know WHAT it is.

Because I can eat so little each day (no stuffing myself here, yet), I feel totally cheated if I don’t like what I make myself! It’s totally not worth it to cook myself a whole meal, because chances are good I won’t like it!

Pumpkin pie. Oh yes. That is what I want. Damnit. Like I have any freakin’ pumpkin pie.

ETA – So I went to the grocery store to buy pumpkin pie – I am that desperate. And they didn’t have any!! No pies.

So I did what any sane pregnant women on a craving would do: I bought canned pumpkin, ground spices, and a pie shell, then came home and made a pumpkin pie. Well, it’s baking now. And it said to let it cool on wire rack for 2 hours! Bullshit!

But oohhhhh those spices smelled soooo good…

ETA2 – Took for freakin’ ever, but OMG best pie ever!

I am having… intestinal trouble. Remember when I posted about my previous trouble? Well today that resolved itself…. and unfortunately is apparently still in the process of resolving itself. I’m supposed to be sleeping, but my stomach is roiling and hurting. Now don’t get me wrong, I am very happy that my intestines have cleared out – that’ll probably make me a heck of a lot more comfortable (and less bloated!) tomorrow. I just kind of hoped this wouldn’t be an all-day/all-night event.

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Den has been in total awe of our ultrasound all day. When I talk about the ultrasound he just keeps saying how very cool it was to see the baby moving around in there… that’s what got him the most: the movement. Seeing the baby move its arms and legs and wiggle around… really kind of made it feel real to us. During the U/S he kept touching my arm and hand, as if to say, “Wow, look at that!”

Honestly I wish I had a video of that U/S so I could replay it over and over again! The previous ones it was just a stationary blob, so the picture I got pretty much captured it. But – and the profile pic we got today is pretty damn cool – today’s doesn’t capture that experience. It doesn’t show how alive the baby was. And I feel like I want to somehow save that memory before it slips away. Anyone got a pensieve?

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I’ve been feeling really badly about how slowly all my work is going, but that exhaustion is just kicking my ass right now. I’m normally not much of a go-getter, but the last little while I’ve felt like it’s an extreme accomplishment just to get out of bed. Getting dressed is a bonus. (Unfortunately, as it frequently happens, that is shortly followed by un-dressing and crawling back into bed.)

Today after my ultrasound the idea was for me to get some work done at home, but Den, feeling sick, stayed home and crawled into bed. You can just imagine how long that set-up lasted before I crawled in with him. I cuddled up to him – he was so nice and warm – and I felt that exhaustion creep over me like a heavy blanket. I remember rolling away from him and falling asleep on my side of the bed, as is usual (I really, really need my space to sleep. There’s a reason we have a king-size mattress… anything less and I can’t sleep when he’s sleeping.) So imagine my surprize when I mentioned our nap later on in the evening and Den laughs and says I fell asleep on his shoulder. :shock: Apparently when I cuddled up to him I was out like a light for some time before I woke up and rolled back over. He said I was out cold, even twitching now and again in my sleep. I was out. I can’t even begin to describe how rare that is for me. I never, ever fall asleep in his arms, as much as I would like to.

So yeah, not much is getting done. The house is a sty, much to my chagrin. I sure hope I get some energy back soon. I keep falling behind in work, and that’s stressful. :(

Well I know everyone is probably dying for the results right? :) Have I made you suffer enough?

So this morning Den and I drove into the hospital where my ultrasound was to be done – apparently my doctor’s office doesn’t have an ultrasound machine. It was my first look at that wing of the hospital – the wing that handles all prenatal care, ultrasounds, the midwife group, and labor and delivery. It’s a very large wing, with a central registration desk and such. I had to sit down and go over all my information with a lady at a computer. Birthdate is [date]? Yep. Still at [address]? Yep. Married? Yep. Insurance is ConnectiCare? Yep. Once that was done they sent me back to the ultrasound waiting room – which also happens to be the same waiting room for the midwife group. I checked in, sat down, and was shortly called back.

It was a young tech around my age who took us back, who said she was a student tech and only going to do the first few measurements, then someone would come in to do the rest. She led me into a curtained off ultrasound room and told me to hop up on the sheet-covered table. I paused for a minute. “Is this transvaginal, or abdominal?” “Oh no, it’s abdominal!” Wow. I didn’t have to dis-robe! I unbuttoned my pants and tugged them down a bit so she could get a clear shot at my lower abdominal region. She tucked a towel into my pants and one against my shirt which I had pulled up under my boobs, then she squirted warm gel on my stomach. Not bad, not bad. Then she put the probe against my skin and started scanning back and forth.

“There’s your cervix,” she pointed to the screen. I took her word for that one. I was looking up at an awkward angle, trying to make sure there was a baby still in there somewhere. Sure enough she scanned over the big black sac and the baby was inside it. I caught a flicker of a heartbeat. And then… baby moved! It kicked its little legs and moved its arms around, then settled down again. She measured the heartrate – 147 bpm – and showed us different parts of the baby. The little knees, the little hands. How freaking amazing was it to see our baby MOVING around in there. No longer just a little blob. It looked like a real baby.

Of course, being our child, baby was obstinate and stayed curled up in a little ball. She kept scanning back and forth from different angles trying to get a good measurement of the crown-to-rump length, but baby would not uncurl. The other ultrasound tech came in and suggested I sit up for a while, then lay back all the way and stretch out. The first thing the other ultrasound tech said was, “Her uterus is pretty tipped, so laying them out really flat can help baby move around.” So yes, apparently I have a very tipped uterus. So they layed me out flat and were finally able to get a good measurement of the baby’s CRL – 6.07cm. Baby has more than doubled – nearly tripled – in size since 8 weeks.

Of course at that point she was having difficulty seeing anything at all and said my bladder was filling up and pressing on my uterus, I should go empty it. Yeah, make me pee after not having had anything to drink! That took some coaxing! And there was ultrasound gel on my undies… must have gotten pushed under the towel. Yech!! But back onto the table I went to get some more photos.

She was trying to get a look at the baby’s neck, but of course baby was being obstinate again. At one point baby had its hand up by its face and she was jiggling the wand trying to convince it to move, lol. Then baby wasn’t facing the right way. I tell ya, from straight-on baby’s face looks totally like a little alien! Craziness. Finally baby rolled over enough to get a scan of the neck. It was this little crescent-shaped sliver that she measured. She said it was very small, just like they want to see.

And now I know what you are waiting for! Pictures!!

First is the photo that I can’t stop looking at… the profile of my baby’s face. OMG. It looks like a real baby!

This is baby’s little hand. :love:

Then we sat and waited for a while. They came back with paperwork and directed me to the lab room. I was very unimpressed with this part. All I needed was a little finger stick, but the ladies were freaking yabbering about parking and left me just standing there. She tells me to wash my hands in warm water and warm up my fingers, so I do that, then I dry them and walk over to her station, and just sat there waiting for them to finish yacking. Finally she gets around to pricking my finger and dropping a little drop of blood on each of 5 little circles on one of my paperwork. And that was that. They said I’ll get my results in 7-10 days – results being a probability of a chromosomal defect, against my “base” probability.

I am just feeling so relieved and so happy today. Screw the damn nausea. I just want to sit here and bawl I am so thankful that baby is doing okay in there. It feels like a freakin’ miracle that somehow that one embryo decided to stay with us, and has come so far already.