There’s this big joke that when I women gets pregnant and has kids her mind disintegrates. I heard it a lot when I was pregnant, coworkers chortling at the frequently confused expression on my face as I stumbled my way through normal tasks. And then after I had Kate I found myself using it as an excuse all the time. “Oh sorry, I have lost my mind. The baby and all.” With your first you don’t know any better. Everyone says it, so it must be true.

I have come to realize that the truth is that we don’t become dumber as parents. Kids don’t sap our brains. In fact, I feel ten times smarter some days. I’m certainly better at multitasking. (Try tapping out a text message on your phone while your 1 year old sits on your lap, failing around as she tries desperately to grab said phone, and failing that tries her best to work her toddler magic on my poor abused computer that is hopefully just out of reach. Not only good at multi-tasking, I have also apparently grown extra arms.) (I won’t mention how one time she did fall off my lap doing that.)

The problem is that I am ten times smarter and more organized about baby stuff. I can list off ten different car seats, their weight limits, price points, and pros and cons. I know what medicines I can use, in what dosages, when the last time I gave it and what time the next dose is. I know when her next appointment is and what vaccines she is and is not slated to get. I have a mental list of what foods she likes, what foods she loves and what foods she’s currently, for some unknown reason, decided she no longer will eat. I know exactly how to get her to sleep with a very delicate routine and perfect timing that I can’t quite adequately explain to Denis. I can memorized several of her books so that I can “read” to her with my eyes closed (a trick that is totally necessary first thing in the morning).

But it still doesn’t change the fact that I frequently stop in the middle of something and totally forget what I was doing.

Which is how I totally forgot the hose was on, overfilled my quick-set inflatable-ring pool, which caused it to roll a bit downslope (it’s a TINY SLOPE and it was FINE….. until I overfilled it and water spilled everywhere.). And the only way to fix it was to totally drain it, which took a full day. And then when we re-filled it one side somehow got folded under and now has 2000 gallons of water sitting on it so we can’t fix it… except by draining it. Again.

So, yeah, it’s 95+ degrees out this week and I have no pool. But those kids toys? Totally organized awesomely.

I definitely have a full-fledged toddler now. In fact she is now running. I discovered this while in Toys R Us and she spent the entire time pulling everything off of shelves, then running off down the aisles while I put everything back. It was exhausting. She had a ball, though. There were people to greet and toys to play with and interesting colors everywhere. She was clearly in toddler heaven.

Shopping carts are now more frustration that they are worth. When I stick her in the kid seat part she spends the whole time trying to turn around and stand up – and for the most part she’s pretty successful. Why the hell do they put the belt straps at their armpit level? I mean, really? NOT helpful, especially with a smaller child; she can easily stand up while still strapped in. So I spend the entire time holding her arm and hissing, “Sit DOWN!” I finally got tired of that and stuck her in the main basket part with my car keys. She kept toppling over when I turned corners, but at least she was in a cage. Though she still tried standing up every 10 seconds. Thankfully she is short. I can’t really blame her, though. I mean, stores are really cool and it’s way more fun to run around than sit in a cart or something. It’s just… tiring for mama. If I know I’m going to be somewhere for a while (like the grocery store) I still pull out my mei tai and she’s happy in that, though she still tries pulling things off shelves if I get close enough.

Her words are getting clearer now. She says “bye-bye” clear as a bell. “Kitty” sounds more like a slurred two-syllable “key,” and “dog” still sounds like “dah,” but she knows what it means and says it when we see our dogs or I point to a picture of a dog. She says “dada” and “mama” randomly, still not really sure she knows that “mama” means me, it’s more of a general term of “I want something” at this point. I think those are all her words still. And I find it very funny how she’ll throw a real word into a gibberish sentence. “Bye-bye gleeber dooble buh der.” Uhhh…. yes, dear. Right.

She understands a lot more, though. She understands and follows through with simple instructions and questions. “Sit down,” “Give dada a kiss,” “Get your book,” “Where’s the kitty?” “Where’s your mouth?” “Push the button!”

Clothes-wise she is getting close to moving up from 12M size, but then some shirts she wears are 9M and they fit fine. She’s definitely not a wide baby, but she’s not stick skinny either. She has some chunk to her thighs – while she’s still wearing Fuzzibunz small diapers, I had to go out a snap around her thighs (but she still has a small waist). And most of the reason to move her up a size in clothes is fit around her thighs and diaper butt. I am still very happy with the Fuzzibunz, though; I’ve tried a few different styles and brands and I keep coming back to the FB for fit on her. And I don’t like the one-size FB either, the extra fabric in the butt just makes it puff out like a giant pillow. I’m picky about trim fits. I have also discovered that anything with one row of snaps (Thirsties snaps, GroVia snaps) don’t fit her well, they sag. And for velcro/aplix I actually like the GroVia best, the Thirsties really lose their staying power after a few months of constant use (since she stays in the same size forever and a day – she’s still in size small Thirsties, too, and they’re pretty much done for, both elastics and aplix). Plus I’m thinking that at this age, especially in summer when she’s running around in just a diaper half the time, I’m not too keen on letting her experiment with taking diapers off, so snaps are safer. lol I do wish I had found a one-size diaper that I loved so I wouldn’t have to buy more diapers, but then again buying new diapers is fun. ;) I just don’t let myself do it very often. (I LOVE the Crushed Berries color!)

We have been doing a lot of swimming this month, which is so much fun! Kate still is not a huge fan of just hanging out IN the pool, she wants to climb out and in repeatedly. Whether it’s a ladder, stairs (her favorite!) or just pulling herself up and out, then turning and jumping into my arms. As long as it’s on her terms she loves the swoosh! (Unfortunately we’re having issues with my pool not being level so we had to drain it and now we’re trying to figure out what to do next. Of course, the hottest week of the year. I’m so irritated.)

The other day when Amy Winehouse died it was all over Facebook and one comment on someone’s post I read said something to the effect of, “Good riddance, another piece of trash gone.” I didn’t respond (I have no interest in starting an argument with a stranger on Facebook), but it’s bothered me ever since.

Today while driving in the car the announcer mentioned the funeral was today. “The ceremony ended with her father, Mitch Winehouse’s words “Goodnight my angel, sleep tight.” I got tears in my eyes.

I didn’t particularly know much about Amy Winehouse other than a song or two I hear on the radio. But the thing is there is a mother and father out there who just lost their child. It doesn’t matter who that person was, what they did, what choices they made – they loved her. Once, years ago, they held a baby in their arms with joy and love, excited to find out what the future would hold, hopeful for everything their child would grow to be, looking forward to a lifetime with her. Now she’s dead, gone forever. They are grieving.

Amy’s death was not unexpected for anyone, and the choices she made were sad and unfortunate. She had an addiction, a problem she didn’t overcome. But she was not a mass murderer, she was not a horrible person. She had the same problem that millions of other people in this world have; she could have been your sister, your cousin, your daughter.

I don’t know how anyone can think about someone’s death and not feel touched somehow, not feel their own mortality and that of their loved ones. What is wrong with this world that some people can shrug, can look at a human life like a piece of garbage.

Above all else I want to teach Kate a sense of not just morality, but of empathy and compassion. Death is never simple, and it always makes a mark on someone’s heart.

The hardest part of grocery shopping, I’ve found, is getting all the groceries inside and put away.

First challenge: Getting them all from the car to the house. What to do with the child? I used to bring her inside and put her down, then go get the groceries. That stopped working when she started crying and banging on the front door when I stepped out. Also, leaving her unattended can have bad consequences. My current solution is to leave her in her car seat. Windows open, back of the truck open, and every time I grab more grocery bags I make faces at her and say, “Be right back!” Thankfully she is okay with this.

Second challenge: Putting them all away. Normally it seems that grocery shopping always ends right when Kate is getting tired so I bring her in and put her to bed, leaving the groceries sitting out and hoping that she falls asleep quickly. Today, however, she was wide awake and chipper so she got to help me put them all away.

First she squatted by the bags of groceries and started removing items one by one. Once in a while an item would especially delight her and she would proudly walk around the kitchen holding it aloft. Today it was the new toothbrush I bought for her. I had to take it out of its package for her to chew on, and she was so happy!

But soon she moved on to dragging bags of groceries around, leaving a breadcrumb-like trail of boxes and bags all about the kitchen. She abandoned the bag on the far side of the kitchen. Next thing I know she has quietly snuck up behind me and is removing things from the fridge door and chucking them on the floor. She tried grabbing for the produce on the bottom shelf and I jumped to intercept her, as I have learned in the past she is surprisingly quick at pulling everything out in one or two sweeps.

Finally I get all the refrigerated items put away, remove the child from the fridge, and shut the door with a sigh of relief. Next is the tricky business of shoving things in the freezer. I hate our freezer, and I tell it that every time I have to use it. There is only a small shelf for ice cubes, the entire rest of the space is one large cavern of frozen bags and boxes that tumble out if you disturb the delicate balance. Some days, I admit, I shove hard and shut the door really quickly. While I’m trying to fit all the new items and get it all to stay put Kate is picking up the items I had removed from the fridge to throw away. I glance over. Is it dangerous? Is it likely to break open and create a giant mess? The answer is no, so I leave her be. I’ll collect them later.

Then I have to take out the trash. It doesn’t all fit, of course, since the trash was full before I pulled a bunch of things from the fridge. Kate tries throwing her new toothbrush in the disgusting trash while I’m grabbing a new bag. I try to tell her NO that is YUCKY without scaring her and making her cry (it’s a thin line). Luckily it seems to have worked and she leaves it alone. I take the trash outside while two cats plot to escape out the door (assholes) and Kate cries at the door. As I’m returning she’s banging on the door with my keys that she found.

Kate is once again in a good mood soon as I’m inside so I take the opportunity to wash some dishes, though first I have to put away all the dry ones. I don’t quite finish washing dishes when she has had enough and starts crying and tugging at my pant leg. The counters are still a mess too, but they’ll have to wait for later.

Remind me of all of this when Kate is a teenager refusing to help with the groceries and I have to do it all by myself.

Know what puts me in a really bad mood? Not having an internet connection.

Know what puts me in an even worse mood? Calling Comcast and being told that they can’t detect a connection (DUH), they can’t fix it from their end (great), and the soonest they can get a tech to us is Wednesday afternoon (fan-fuckin-tastic).

Now I am a relatively tech-savvy person, as is Den, and we have done all the usual tests but our modem still has a blinking light that should not be blinking. Our router is not getting an IP address from Comcast, and they apparently can’t detect the modem with their fancy diagnostic system. Not quite sure why it would suddenly act up, as both the router and modem were purchased by us just last year and have been working perfectly since then. Our connection has been slow the last couple weeks – we were actually suspicious that was Comcast’s fault because we cancelled cable TV and kept only our cable internet, but it got worse and then this weekend, pfffttt, no connection at all. Oh, but it will work for a half-hour here, an hour there… then off it goes again. Maybe a wiring problem? Hope it’s not the new modem. That would peeve us.

But whatever it is I hope it gets fixed on Wednesday, because if I have to go even longer without a reliable internet connection I’m going to go batshit crazy. I do not function well without internet. Thankfully we do have our droids to check email and messages and stuff, but it’s not like I’m going to write much or surf forums on my droid. And I definitely can’t finish the newsletter I am currently trying to get sent out.

Grrrrrrrrrr.