I am having a cranky evening… headache brought on by cabin-fevered pets. (I swear, if I hear one more crash-bang out there I’m going to flip my lid.)

Devin is SO active. He’s been kicking me what feels like non-stop all day. My belly is currently bouncing around in front of my eyes as he kicks and punches. I hope this doesn’t mean he’ll be an ADHD kid like his dady, LOL.

My uterus seems to be getting big enough so that it (and Devin) are sometimes pressing on my ribs. On my right side, of course, being slightly lopsided and all. (In fact, currently my belly is totally lopsided, I have some large body part sticking up on my right side, lol!) It’s just a very slight ache… just kind of makes me want to rub my ribs now and then.

Den came to bed tonight grinning silly and mentioned how I’d come wandering (errr, dashing) out of the bedroom half-naked to run into the bathroom. He was grinning about my big belly sticking out. He thinks it is the best thing EVER. I sometimes forget I look as pregnant as I do – from my vantage point it’s just a bump. From his vantage point – and when I catch myself in a mirror – it’s like WHOA! So he just loves to look at it and touch it and kiss it. I think he’s as enamored with my pregnant body as I am. :) It’s very cute to see him so giddy!

Kiddo’s pressing on my bladder again. I can feel things shifting in there ever so slowly, and this pressure that builds on my bladder. Very strange.

::

I am freaking out just slightly over all the stuff that is left to buy. I have a detailed list of costs in excel (anyone surprized by this?). The gear alone is close to $2000 worth. This is all the furniture, gear, bottles, bedding, bathing, safety stuff. It does NOT include the $120 left to spend on diapers, nor does it include any clothes. I’m trying to stay calm until the baby shower, but it’s really freaking me out that we have nothing save a crib and mattress, some clothes, and diaper covers.

And then there are even worse recesses of my brain that is all What if we get all the gear stuff, but have no toys?! Or books?! As if this is a huge concern, because, you know, newborns don’t need toys, and it’s not as if we can’t go buy toys when we need some. But you try telling that it’s not a big deal to a pregnant lady in her third trimester in the middle of the night. These are the things we worry about – that the baby will have no toys. So then I add toys to my registry. And the next night I freak out that people will buy toys instead of the stuff we really need. Then I delete the toys. And so on and so forth. It’s a nasty cycle, I tell you. (I think I’ve finally settled for having a couple of toys on the registry, but only a couple. Nice compromise.)

::

This morning was another sore hip morning. Not the shooting nerve pain, but the really sore achy hips from sleeping on them wrong. This could get to be very frustrating.

Yesterday Den had his monthly chiropractic appointment and asked if they see pregnant women. He was told they do indeed, and see quite a few of them. So I called and booked an appointment for tomorrow morning. I’m a little nervous, because the whole “adjustment” thing creeps me out a little, but I’m hoping that it’ll help somehow.

I’m just glad that the aches and pains have been limited.

::

I have a headache and this screen is making it worse, so I have to go to bed now.

Okay so I know I’m behind on writing about things… I’ll blame it on the little alien in my belly who keeps doing cartwheels in there. It’s very distracting!

First I’ll write about the chiropractic appointment, then I’ll write about this week’s birth class.

So I got there, checked in, paid my copay. The receptionist took me to a small TV viewing room to get me to sign some papers and fill out a sheet of basically “where it hurts”. I also had to watch a 5-minute video about chiropractic care… which actually was pretty interesting.

After I was done all that the doctor came in. It’s not the same doctor that Den sees – Den sees the husband, and I saw the wife. They’ve both been doing chiro for 30 years, they said, which is pretty cool. She was very nice, very friendly… she chatted about her own pregnancy 30 years ago, and her daughter’s, and the many pregnant women who come in to see them. She’s maybe a little quirky, but quirky in the same way that I am, so it was good. :)

The first thing she did is take a thorough history from me. Any back/hip pain and injuries I’ve ever had… any other medical conditions (like the depression)… and so on. After that she had me stand up, then had me bend to the right and left, lean forward, move my head to the right and left and up and down… to check that I didn’t have anything seriously wrong, and to observe. She also checked my reflexes and sensation to make sure I had no numbness in my legs or anything.

She also checked my shoes (no heels, she said that was good!) and asked how much weight I’ve gained so far in pregnancy. She said I look fantastic and I’m carrying pregnancy very well. :)

She did observe that my spine is curved a little to the left. This throws my body off a tiny bit, and is likely the cause of my current hip pain. She said it’s probably been there all along, but the extra strain on my body from the pregnancy is causing some issues.

She said normally they do an x-ray on your first visit so they can get a clear look at your spine, but they don’t x-ray pregnant women… so my protocol is a little different because there may be something more at play that they won’t be able to see until they can x-ray me, right now they’re just going on observation and touch. But it’s certainly enough to do something to help me through my pregnancy. After the baby arrives I can decide if I want to continue returning for care or not. (At this point I think I will!)

She then had me lay on my back on a table. First thing she did was check for hip pain… lifted my legs up one by one, then got me to cross my foot on my opposite leg and let my muscles relax. She noticed that my hips are quite tight – she said the range of motion really ought to be a lot more than what I have (another issue I’ve had all my life… do not even talk to me about the horror that was stretching in gymnastics!), but there was no pain. So she said the issue probably doesn’t originate in my hip, which she said is good!

Next she put me on my stomach on the table (that had a springloaded panel for my protruding belly) so she could check my spine. She pressed gently in a few spots in my very lower back. “This?” “Fine.” “This?” “Fine.” “This?” “Ow.” “Ah ha, there it is.” So quickly as that she found exactly which vertibra is causing my issues. She said that some nerves from the lower spine go down the butt and back of the leg, but some go over the hip and down the front of the leg. Bingo, that’s the one. I could feel it too, which she’d put even a little pressure on it it popped. Not like a loud crack, just a little pop that actually felt good. I was surprized. She was pleased that it was so eager to get back into proper alignment. “Oh! Did you feel that?” she said. “It’s just begging to go back!”

She also felt my upper back, between my shoulder blades, and said I am very tight through there. Oh yeah. I can feel it. She rubbed it a little bit to try to get it all to relax, but dang, it’s so tight it hurts. That’s probably a side-effect of sitting at my computer desk… I have a horrible tendency to slouch forward and I get really bad pain between my shoulderblades just from everything tensing up back there. (One of the many reasons I much prefer to be in bed, propped up with pillows… everything is supported!)

There were a few more little things she did… tapped on my lower back at specific points with a little rubber mallet, and pressed with her fingers. She also had me on my side and gave me a little stretch. Then she had me lay on my back with little wedges under different points of my hip… high on my left, low under my buttocks on my right.

It was all much more gentle than I ever really pictured. And Ms. C, you’re right, it felt so good! I was laying there thinking, “Damn, everyone should do this!” In a way I think it was better than a professional massage, because I really felt something shift inside. Plus it was so precise… I think I liked that part of it. She was very detailed, very precise in what she did. It was obvious she had a thorough understanding of everything and every touch was calculated to do something beneficial.

I think I was most pleased just by the attention and time I got. I’ve been to a lot of doctors who don’t even bother to take a full history on the first visit, who just write a prescription based on what you say in 30 secnds. (I’ve had that happen at least twice, and I was SERIOUSLY bothered both times.) I also hate going to a doctor’s visit just to be shuffled in and shuffled out like you are wasting someone’s precious time. This chiro appointment never felt rushed at all. She listened to everything I had to say, asked a lot of questions, encouraged feedback, and really took her time. I wish all doctors could be like that.

Some of the questions she asked were about family history… if my parents have any back problems (Dad does, he throws his back out about once a year – Mom doesn’t)… if depression runs in my family (yep, dad’s… though I only found that out this past year!). She said, “So physically do you take after your dad’s side then?” I laughed. Yes. Both my brother and I do… we got the tall lanky genes (I’m not lanky anymore, but I sure was!), complete with back issues and depression. We even got dad’s blue eyes. There’s no doubt which side of the family we take after more! Mom’s side is much much shorter, and the health issues they deal with seem to thus far be Diabetes and Huntington’s. The depression doesn’t seem so bad now, does it. lol

The best part is that our insurance does cover chiropractic care… up to 20 visits in a calendar year. I’d love to go back once a month or so in general, but my focus right now is my pregnancy, and preventing this pain from getting worse. I do NOT want another repeat of that episode I had. So I have another appointment for next Wednesday and I’ll see how frequently she wants to see me. Den pointed out to me that I do not have 20 weeks left in this pregnancy, so even if she wants to see me once a week I still won’t use up all my visits. (The thought left me a little stunned. I have how many weeks left? 11 until my due date? Ackack.)

My back was a little sore when I drove to work after my appointment, but the rest of the day has been great. I’m looking forward to next week!

I’m seeing now why people say that you can’t beat the Bradley classes in terms of education and information, and why they don’t regret spending $250 on it. It’s far more than a “here’s what happens in birth” class. It’s like getting an anatomy class, nutrition class, and weekly meditation sessions all in one. I am actually surprized that so far I’ve learned something new each class. Me being a research addict and all, there have been plenty of times where I’ve paid for a class and gotten nothing out of it because I’ve already read it all (this happened multiple times in college, it was very irritating). So yes, I admit, there was a part of me that was a little nervous that I was going to walk out of the Bradley classes thinking, I paid how much for that? I could have just read the book. I can now definitively say that is no longer a concern.

The first thing the instructor did when class started was hand us all a sticky nametag to put on. Den gave me a look that very clearly said, If you were anyone else, and this was for anything else, I would so murder you right now for putting me through this. I HAVE TO WEAR A FREAKING NAMETAG. Apparently wearing a nametag is a fate worse than death. He looked as if the nametag was going to bite him. It was too funny for me to feel stupid for wearing a nametag.

Then we reviewed some things from last week… the exercises we were supposed to have been doing every day. (Ummm, I forgot.) And you know… I really thought I would have remembered more from last week, but I was having a hell of a time remembering the names to the positions and the benefits of each. There are only 6 of them, so it shouldn’t have been THAT difficult, good grief. So I was both feeling a little stupid for not remembering, and very thankful that we were going over them again! Obviously the weekly repetition is a good thing during pregnancy. There’s not enough space in our brains, and the last thing I want is to go into labor and forget everything. (Which I have heard multiple other people who took “regular” birth classes say. And I can believe it, too!)

We talked some more about nutrition, unfortunately I hadn’t been tracking my diet last week. I am this week, and it has been a major goal of mine every day to hit 80g of protein, as well as trying to get in the other things. The diet that the Bradley Method promotes is the Brewers Diet.

Now this is something I found back when I first got pregnant (while researching the Bradley Method to decide if that’s what I wanted to do). And before I got sick with my morning sickness I was actually following it pretty well. Then of course it all went to hell, and I was happy just to keep down a bowl of cereal, lol. So this class has reminded me to go back to eating nutritious. Normally I can’t stand tracking my diet… I tried doing that to diet (a couple years ago), and it drove me bat-shit crazy.

But for some reason this is different. Instead of setting limits (you can only have X calories per day!) and restrictions, it focusses on what you SHOULD be eating, and the MINIMUM you should have of something. Which in my head makes a huge difference. And the funny thing is, it’s still having the same effect in cutting out junk foods… because my stomach is only so big, I can only eat so much, so in order to eat 80g of protein I can’t be filling up on junkfood that has none… every meal I eat has to count. When I get hungry I think to myself, Okay, what can I eat that has some protein? Or is there something else I can eat that I can check off my list today, like a fruit? I feel so proud of myself for doing better for my baby. I’m eating whole grains and fruits and good sources of protein.

One interesting thing the instructor said was that someone (I forget who) did a study of pregnant women and their protein intake… and his findings were that the women who ate at least 75g of protein a day had a 0% rate of toxemia (pre-eclampsia); the women who ate less protein had a 40% rate (or something like that). Now I haven’t found anything online to back this up, and from what I have seen there have not been any controlled, randomized studies of protein and pre-eclampsia. So I’ll file it away in my brain as something interesting, and just view the protein thing as something that may help prevent pre-e, not some sort of golden guarantee.

So then after the review on our nutrition she brought out a white board and asked us to brainstorm benefits of breastfeeding… for mother and baby. Pretty much stuff I knew… baby gets immunities, gets the right type of milk at the right time, there’s bonding benefits, even weight loss benefits because you burn so many calories…. and more. And of course the men all chorused, “It’s free!” ;) She also encouraged us to contact Le Leche League and go to their meetings, which I fully intend on doing!

They handed out some cards that had a question on each one. Open-ended questions to spark conversation. We were encouraged to pick one to read and even answer if we felt like it. Someone asked, “What scares me most about having this baby is…” I thought on my answer for a minute, because my big fears aren’t with the labor and delivery. I said that what scares me most is having the baby no longer be a part of me… no longer be protected inside me, no longer going everywhere with me. Once he’s born I lose that security, that constant reassurance… I have to let other people hold him! And to me, that’s really freaking scary. (I could also have said I’m scared about handling this mom thing, because that’s true too!)

When we were handed those cards Den started sniggering to himself. I couldn’t see what his cards said, so I was in the dark until after class when he informed me that one of his conversation starters was, “The reason I am attending this class is…” Quite obviously Den knows what his answer would have been! (“She made me!”)

We went over more anatomy as well. She had a big board with a uterus-with-baby cross-section and a bunch of terms to fill in for the different parts. It seems childish, sure… but it was actually quite helpful. I now know that the official medical term for the tailbone is the coccyx – who knew? Some were pretty obvious, like the rectum, vagina, cervix, uterus. The amniotic fluid was labelled as the “forewaters” and the “hindwaters”… seeing how the head acts like a little cork. It was something Den had mentioned after our first video last week… how little gushes keep happening when the baby moves, and then a big gush when the baby finally emerges… the hindwaters being released. And she mentioned how the body will keep making more amniotic fluid all through labor… it’s not something that will ever empty until that baby comes out! (That was one of the things a friend told me about… all the fluid and how it just kept on gushing all through labor!)

This class’s video was a Nova video, not a Bradley one. It started with an embryo dividing, becoming a little multi-celled organism… and all I could think was, “That was Devin, in a little petri dish.” It showed it “compacting” and then becoming a blastocyst… my mind on how in the operating room they told us our little embryo was “compacting” and that it was a really good sign. It was really amazing to stare at that image of an embryo and try to comprehend how it becomes a fully functional human being. Just amazing how far Devin has come since July. Wow.

The movie then showed the embryo implant and develop in the womb… growing and changing. Then it showed a fetus in the womb… I have no idea if they actually got a live look at that, it looked pretty real, or if it was some sort of model, but it was… freaky. Den later told me that was the COOLEST thing EVER.

The end of the video did show a baby being born, and I still think that watching a baby’s head emerge from a huge hair-covered vagina is just really not pretty. At all. So I’m glad I get to watch this every week, maybe by the end of this course it won’t give me such an “ick” reaction, lol! It is interesting, however, seeing how the baby’s head comes out, then the body corkscrews around to fit out of the birth canal easier. That’s weird.

Lastly of course we practiced our relaxation. After I ran to the bathroom to pee… yeeeesh, 2 hours is hard to sit through. lol Den got my pillows all set up for me, this time I brought two big new pillows, and I managed to drape myself over them much more comfortably than last week. I’m even getting used to having my lower arm behind me (rather than laying on it, which I cannot do anymore due to decreased blood flow making my arm fall asleep when I try!). It was so nice and relaxing. I love listening to those meditation CDs. I’m starting to think I need to bring one to my L&D room with us. Den thinks they’re cheesy, but I love them.

Den does really well during class. When we left he expressed some concern that during “relaxation” his natural reaction is to crack jokes. I think it’s funny during practice… but he knows I probably won’t find it funny when I’m actually in labor. I think it’s just worrying for no reason, though. Sometimes he does crack jokes at an inappropriate moment… though it’s usually when I’m just having one of my moodswings and he doesn’t KNOW it’s an inappropriate moment. But when the shit is really happening he snaps into serious mode. I mean that other morning when I crawled into bed near-crying because of back pain all he could do was comfort me and rub my back, even though I’d just woken him from a dead sleep way too early in the morning. So I have no doubt that, when I’m actually in labor, he’s going to be completely devoted to doing what I need. It’s hard to act the same way when it’s just a practice run, as it were.

The instructors actually told us that in all the people who have come through her class, only one recently has hired a doula for the birth. They pointed out that the purpose of the Bradley classes is to educate your husband (or whomever) to be your birth coach… to give them enough tools and information to effectively be a doula. It’s not just asking them to stand at your side and hold your hand… it’s training them with all the medical knowledge to help you make good decisions, practicing with them and showing them what you need. I am feeling really encouraged by all of this. This is the reason I chose the Bradley class: Den didn’t want a doula, and while I knew he would be a good support I needed more than simple emotional support. I needed Den to know what’s going on and be able to effectively translate for me. I needed him to not panic. And I really really hope this class is going to give him the tools he needs to do that. I know he has the desire to, that’s not an issue… as much as he’s doing it because I asked him to, he also was the one wanting to be the labor coach (though he didn’t say it in those words, of course).

I am just really encouraged at this point. And pleased.

I hate my house. If you’re wondering why, well let me tell you.

Today I bought a new couch. We’ve wanted a new couch for a long time, but kept saying we can’t afford a new couch and it wasn’t a necessity. Well yesterday when we were cleaning our house there was a clear consensus that it is now a necessity – our old couch has been peed on way too many times and the fur is ingrained in the fabric itself. It’s disgusting, and it smells a little bit. (We haven’t actually sat on our couch in months.) With a newborn on the way, this is unacceptable.

So I said, “What is my price limit?” and Den said, “Hmmm, $300?” I said, “I’ll go check Craig’s List.”

And I did. Craig’s List had some sorta-options but not really. Most of them were ugly. Many of them were too expensive. Some of them were too huge for our small living room. (One was actually a REALLY nice looking couch – in brand-new condition. It said, “We just bought this. I brought it home and realized it’s not really what I wanted.” So they were selling it… for far more than we could afford.)

I said, “I’ll check Bob’s tomorrow.” Bob’s is a local furniture place that has nice stuff at good prices. Even his good prices are too expensive for us, but he has a Bargain Basement where all the scratched and dented stuff goes. So I figured I’d take a look at it, see what I could find.

But first I logged on to his site online to take a look at the living room sets. Boy, wouldn’t it be nice to pick out whatever I wanted. Sigh. Den and I looked at a couple of sets, saw some we liked, some we hated. Then I turned it off because we still can’t afford $500 for a couch. Oh well.

Today I went to Bob’s and went straight downstairs to the bargain basement. WOW was there a lot of furniture!! Dinged up, sure… but in our house that happens within a week anyways. I was so excited! I saw a sage couch for $300 and thought, “Hmmm, this could work.” It was nice enough looking. I asked why it was in the bargain basement and the saleslady checked it over and found some threads loose holding the back cushions down. I laughed. $200 cheaper because of some loose threads. Hot damn. But then she kind of frowned and said that the throw pillows that were on the couch didn’t actually belong with that couch. They were there, so I could have them if I wanted, but they weren’t supposed to be with that particular couch. I told her I really didn’t need throw cushions anyways. She sighed in relief and said she’d put them back then. She walked them down an aisle to another couch…. and I blinked. It was one of the couches that Den and I had picked out online last night… the ones we sighed and said we couldn’t afford. The wood along the bottom front was a little dinged up. I asked how much the couch was. She checked. $300. I called Den. I ended up buying that couch. (Also ended up waiting in line for like an hour waiting for the loading dock… with BIL, who I called as a favor, as he has a big truck to transport couches. It was a frustrating afternoon, waiting, but we got it home!)

I’m sure you’re reading all of this and thinking, “But Natalie, this doesn’t explain why you hate your house. A new couch should make you like your house more!” And you would be right. Except…

WE CAN’T GET THE COUCH INTO OUR EFFING HOUSE. It doesn’t fit through our front doorway. Or the breezeway door. Or the garage door. In fact, we cannot get it in the house. We could, possibly, get it in the basement – but it won’t fit up the stairs either.

So we have a brand-new couch in our garage, and the pee-couch in our living room. And Den and I are trying to figure out which wall to knock down to get it inside. (The couch will fit through the front door – barely – but the front door opens into a very small foyer, and there is no way to turn the couch to get it into the living room. We’d have to knock down a wall. Or something.)

I hate my house. *cry*

Thank you all for the hugs and suggestions about the couch. I have consulted the guru (ie, my dad) and he has confirmed with me that it is not going to be as simple as taking off a doorframe. He shot down my idea of taking out the window… as he put it, “It’s not the aluminum-framed kind where you can just pop out some screws.” The windows are original to the house (50’s), wood frame, not going to budge. The front door isn’t the issue, it’s the foyer, the couch is too big to stand on end in the foyer, and the issue is the wall in the way preventing the couch from coming into the house – couch can’t bend 90 degrees – which has plumbing in it and may even be a load-bearing wall (lovely, right?). All the other doors leading to the living room are 4″ smaller than the front door (which the couch can *barely* squeeze through, tipped at a precise angle, and squashed like hell). In short: we’re fucked.

(And of course my dad was like, “Make sure mice don’t get to your couch while it’s in the garage,” and I’m all, “I DIDN’T NEED ANOTHER THING TO WORRY ABOUT NOW!” Thanks dad.)

Enough about the couch. Let’s move on to the baby. Far less frustrating.

::

Heartburn has unfortunately just become a part of life. Not BAD heartburn, though. When Den says, “I have heartburn,” he usually says it like he’s ready to keel over dead at any minute, so I can only surmise that what I have isn’t BAD heartburn. It’s not pleasant, but it’s not horrible either. It’s just that every time I bend over to pick something up or put something down (which happens frequently at work when I’m putting down food for everyone) I get burning in my throat. Blech.

Speaking of bending over… that’s getting more difficult as well. I can do it, and I do frequently without really thinking about it, but doing so moves that basketball that I carry so effortlessly out front right up into my ribs. Which is unpleasant, just so you know. And damn if it still doesn’t catch me off-guard every time. I always end up making a face and straightening back up, then rubbing said basketball. You should have seen me at work today. I was gagging and making faces every time I picked up or put down a food bowl, LOL.

The funny thing is that because my uterus and the kiddo are a little lopsided – they hang out on my right side – is that it affects half of my body more than the other half. I can put my left sock on without issue. My right sock usually squashes something and I end up having to rest my leg sideways to get my sock on.

I continue to get those weird “heavy” sensations while I’m at work. For some reason being there and being on my feet moving around seem to turn him a certain way. It makes me have to pee frequently while working. But hey, at least I know how to turn him, right? lol

I can certainly feel that he’s getting bigger. It’s really weird how it was all about the size of my uterus before… I could feel it growing. I knew it was there, but it wasn’t active or anything. There were some love taps from the baby, which were separate events. And now… goodness… now I can feel body parts, and he’s constantly moving. It’s no longer this inanimate blob I’m carrying around, it’s a wiggly, live baby who is growing bigger every day. It’s quite the mental shift.

I get tickles down at my cervix. Not usually bad enough to make me jump, just… tickles. Weird weird feeling, that. Very low. But yup… most of his kicks and punches or whatever are up high… heading for my ribs now. Not quite there yet most days, thank goodness.

But oh the movement! My belly is always rolling now. Sometimes it’s just a hard spot that I can feel with my hands… sometimes my whole belly rolls from side to side as he moves about. Sometimes he’s kicking and pushing in all directions at once. I sometimes have to just stop what I’m doing and massage a spot. People (husband, co-worker) look at me like, “What’s wrong?” and I just mutter, “Kid’s on my bladder,” or, “Baby’s pressing on my ribs,” or whatever it is at that moment. He especially likes to push against my belly button. Weird. (But much better than dropping down and squeezing my bladder.)

::

I’m heading towards 30 weeks pregnant. Some people are like, “YAY, the hope stretch!” I’m more like, “OMFG nothing’s done AGGHHHH!!!” *run around like a chicken with no head* Okay, maybe I’m exagerating slightly. Haven’t broken out in a cold sweat yet. But still, the 30 week mark seems a little scary. Okay a lot scary. I don’t know why, but suddenly 30-something is countdown mode. I do NOT feel ready for 30 weeks. I have to keep reminding myself that 30 weeks means 4 more weeks until 34 weeks and another 4 until 38 weeks. That’s 2 whole months. It’s not as scary as it sounds. Right?

Gears are finally turning on the basement project. The menfolk seem very confident that they can get a ton of it done in one weekend. Color me skeptical, but it is not something I will have much – if any – involvement in, so I’ll just leave it up to them. I’m going to be helping with the baby’s room – I’ll probably do much of the painting myself – but the basement is all Den. (If I get too involved I’ll want to, you know, put my 2 cents in on the wall color and stuff. Den doesn’t want that!) The only thing I am doing is running the cabling for our home network down there. (There are *some* benefits to having taken 4 years of computer information systems in college. I actually can find some practical use out of the networking classes I hated!) Someday the entire house will be wired, that will be nice. One room at a time.

I’m really trying to just relax and let things go until after the baby shower – after we know what we need to buy yet – but it’s really hard. I still have this intense need to organize baby stuff. Whether it’s lists online (registries!) or baby clothes or whatever… I need to ORGANIZE it. Categorize it, label it, put it in bins, count it off, list it out five different ways…. for some reason doing these things makes me feel like I’m organizing for baby. I guess nesting comes in all shapes and sizes. Mine’s just a little more obsessive than mopping the floors.

::

Well baby is still awake, but mama’s got to get some sleep. I have a chiro appointment in the morning, then some grocery shopping to do – I’m out of milk and bananas, damnit!

So last night was week #3 of our Bradley class (it got moved to Tuesday nights from now on). I have a work meeting at 6pm Tuesday nights (that always start late) so I was late to the class by about a minute. Drat. Den was there already.

Poor Den looked like he was about ready to fall out of his chair and start snoring at any minute. I suspect he dozed off a couple of times during class. I kept flicking my hand at him to check that he was awake and paying attention.

Our topic for the day was looking at the stages of labor, how long they were, what to expect, and signposts. It was just an overview and we’ll go into detail in future classes. I think it was extremely helpful… this is stuff I really really wanted to learn, both for me and for Den.

The instructors (husband and wife, if you’ve forgotten) were talking about how no one can be as good a birth coach as a partner (husband)… they are the one person who knows you the best in life, who can read you better than any medical personnel. A husband can tell when you’re “slightly more cranky than normal,” even if to other people you still seem cheery (or, conversely, can tell when you’re still in a pretty good mood for you, even if everyone else thinks you’re cranky, lol!). I really love how they emphasise the role of the father/coach, how important it is… and how they give so many examples of what they need to be doing to help you out. I feel like this is SO good for Den to be hearing, not only validation of his desire to be my one and only support, but also all that prep knowledge. It’s important to ME that he knows the signposts and can guide me through my labor. I really really need someone saying, “Okay, looks like you’re heading into transition honey. You’re almost there. Just a little longer.” I need that kind of feedback… not just emotional support. I like facts and details, it’s just how I work.

This morning he did say to me, “How on earth am I going to get through an 18 hour labor?? I always thought it was like, a couple of hours… not a freaking marathon! I’ll have to bring a book or something.” So apparently he learned something. lol Sorry bubs, I’m not real thrilled about an 18 hour marathon, either. LOL!

Den is just doing so well in this class, I really am so thrilled with him. Maybe that sounds silly, but I know how he rolls his eyes at the earthy-crunchy foofy stuff. But he is really really making an effort to participate, he watches the birth movies and he comments on stuff to me afterwards. And he’s so funny around the house now, saying, “Have you done your kegels yet today? Gimme 10!!” He cracks me up!

I also feel so encouraged by him in the eating arena too. He’s been super supportive of all the changes I’ve made and is always saying things like, “Good job!” when I tell him I bougth flax bread instead of white, etc. Again, maybe that seems silly… but I know how hard it is on my mom to make changes to her eating habits when my dad is standing there going, “Why? I’m not eating that shit.” :( I feel so bad for her now that I see it from her viewpoint. Den really is amazing. Plus he’s on a diet himself, trying to lose weight… so while he obviously doesn’t want to eat all the protein that I am, we’re both really focussing on the whole grains and fruits and veggies. It’s great to do it together. It just makes it so much easier.

So yeah! This class thing is going really well! When I tell people we’re doing a birthing class I frequently get an eyeroll and a, “What, they need to teach you how to push? What’s so hard about that?” I still really don’t know how to succinctly answer them… right now I just smile and shrug. But how can I explain (in a sentence or two) how much we’re getting from this class or why I feel I need it? Especially people who think labor automatically comes with an epidural. How can I explain that it’s so much more than a labor class? It’s about nutrition, it’s about fitness, it’s about your partner, it’s about medical procedures, it’s about anatomy. I understand how people could be confused about how on earth you can fill up 10-12 weeks about labor and birth, but there is just so much info, and I love it.

Just have to remember to do my homework.

Ooomph. I swear this baby put on like 2lbs over the course of a week… okay, maybe not. But he’s sure gotten more uncomfortable in leaps and bounds. My belly feels so much heavier than it did before, though I think a lot of that depends on the position Devin puts himself in. I find that when he’s forward it feels a lot heavier than when he’s closer to my spine – makes sense, really. I really am not a fan of when he leans forward… it feels heavy, it puts a lot of pressure on my bladder, and it’s much harder to move around! Just lifting a knee up feels like I’m squashing myself.

Sleep is frustrating. Ever since my limb circulation started sucking and I can’t sleep on my arm anymore it means I can’t sleep in my one and only favored position. Which makes life more difficult. I really thought my belly would be the thing preventing me from sleeping, not my damn arms! So as it is I have to have both arms in front of me (I can’t put one behind me, hurts my shoulder), basically “hugging” a pillow, and sleep entirely on my side. Which puts pressure on my hip. Which starts aching after a few hours. So then I wake up and kind of stretch and roll around and try to roll over, which, because of the pressure down low, makes me really have to pee. So yeah. Getting up to pee about 2-3 times a night now. I don’t wake up because of it but when I do wake up and try to move I gotta go.

I do find it funny, though, that however much bigger he is (and my uterus and whatever else goes on in there), my stomach must be more squished than it was in my second trimester, and yet I’m able to eat a lot more. How does THAT make sense?? But sheesh, I’m constantly hungry. This morning I woke up and didn’t want to get out of bed right away (it was cold, and I had a cat or two curled up on me), but about half an hour later I was starting to feel nauseated with hunger. So I had to go eat. (French toast – yay for fitting another egg into my meals.) Two slices and I’m still hungry. You certainly wouldn’t know my stomach was being squashed in there. Or maybe it’s just become a straight-through bottomless pit? LOL

In terms of eating habits I’m doing my best, but it’s hard to get 80g of protein every day. I’m getting tired of protein-laden foods, but if I eat a meal with little to no good protein in it then I find it really hard to make up later. I try to keep good snacks around, either protein like little cheese packages or nut bars or yogurt, or else I like to grab fruits and veggies. Strawberries are hit-or-miss at the grocery store at this time of year (they’re all a little pathetic looking), but I’m keeping stocked on bananas and I’ve rediscovered how good celery with peanut butter tastes. (I normally can’t stand celery, I ONLY eat it sliced up with peanut butter. I will even pick celery out of sandwiches and salads.) And of course I still try to get some servings of whole wheat in every day, whether it’s from cereal or bread or something else.

And then there’s the chocolate I “let” myself have every evening, but that serves no nutritional purpose… just emotional. ;)

Admission: I don’t do kick counts. As I was explaining to Den last night, this kid is so active that doing “kick counts” lasts only about 2 minutes until he hits his quota of 10 separate movements. Of course he’s not always THAT active, but he’s active often enough that I feel no need to track it. On the rare days that he’s pretty quiet I do pay more attention to make sure there’s still some movement going on, but it usually just means he’s in an odd position where I can’t feel as much.

Gotta love the kicks down low though. Talking with Den last night I kept punctuating my sentences with “Ow!” and “Hey, cut it out!” Sometimes it just felt like wiggles down low that made me squirm… sometimes it was a nice sharp jab to something that made me jump. I think I have an octopus in there.

Well the monster is satisfied with the food, so it’s time to try to catch more sleep. I’m not sure exactly how many hours I’m getting at night, but I know it’s not enough. Growing a baby is exhausting!

I have to say, I am really enjoying NetFlix’s new “watch instantly” feature… free movies for any subscriber. I was honestly about to cancel our NetFlix subscription because getting a movie and sending it back… well we suck at it and never seem to have what we want to watch when we want to watch it. I know that they don’t have most newer movies in the watch instantly…. but they have a ton of older ones. We don’t own movies… so I can’t just pull out a favorite movie and watch it when I’m bored. So this rocks!

Hey, they even have Heros season one and two available! Yay!! (I never got to watch them on TV, was too far behind)

Yes, I am now calling my child “the octopus”. Den says that’s mean. I say it’s fitting.

This was an early morning for me, because Den had to get up early (early early) for work today. I was all set to fall back asleep (the cat woke me up getting comfortable and kneading my shoulder while he did so), when I noticed that no one was kicking me. The baby was asleep! Yessss!! Okay, a small small tiny part of my brain was a little worried that there was no movement… mostly happy that he was asleep. Tiny bit worried.

Then…. *kick*
Oh hi Devin. Thanks for reassuring me. You can go back to sleep now.
……..
Shew, thanks.
*kick kick. kick. wiggle. kick*
Awwwww damnit. Octopus is awake again.

Then my stomach started growling angrily for food and I knew going back to sleep was simply not in the cards for me.

Of course, now the kiddo is peaceful and I’m sitting here bleary-eyed but awake, and I can’t even go back to sleep because I have to leave for a midwife appointment in a little over an hour.

::

Last night I was laying in bed watching a show on my laptop when Den came in to go to bed. As he was undressing he started giggling – like flat out giggling. I had to pause my show to find out what the heck was up, only to find him staring at my bulging belly. “It’s the most basketballish I’ve ever seen it!”

He got in bed with a huge grin on his face.

First of all, I got my birth beads in the mail today! On one forum (I won’t say which, but you probably know which one if you are into natural birthing) the due date groups exchange birth beads… everyone buys one bead of a natural material for every girl involved in the exchange, then the organizer collects all the beads and distributes them… one bead for everyone. (I chose Sodalite.) So I got my package of all these different beads, most with a little quote or thought attached to them. It’s so uplifting! Later I will string the beads together in a necklace to bring to my birth. I may not WEAR it, but I’ll have it with me as a focus object. I think it will be wonderful to be reminded of all these ladies, all doing natural birth, and be reminded of their positive thoughts and wishes.

::

Today was my 30-week appointment. I got there about 2 minutes after my appointment time (8:30), then sat and waited. I got called in at 9:00 and then sat in an exam room for another 30 minutes before the midwife came in. I was getting a little irritated and uncomfortable by that point – I was hungry!

The stats: weight was 156 (I’m up 16lbs according to their scale), blood pressure was 110/60 (same as usual).

While I was waiting for the midwife, the nutritionist came in to check up on me. She asked how I was doing with eating and weight gain, she was pleased. She opened up to that silly little chart and marked down my current weight – it is now exactly on the “ideal weight gain” line. Ha. (Remember last time when I hadn’t gained anything at all and she was all concerned? Yeah.) Luckily this time she didn’t irritate me like she did last time, although I made note that the thing that she’s looking at is weight gain, instead of really asking me what I’m eating. I told her anyways. I’m doing good, no worries.

She talked to me briefly about breastfeeding. She also said that later on in my pregnancy, before I give birth, her or another nutritionist will come in to talk to me more about breastfeeding, show me positions, etc. She said that when I give birth I should make sure to speak to the staff lactation consultant. She said, “Not to badmouth anyone, but sometimes the nurses just aren’t educated enough about breastfeeding.” She told me to make sure they don’t give the baby any pacifiers or sugar water or bottles, that we don’t want to confuse the baby at all and make sure he latches on to the breast. So that was good.

Then I sat there some more until the midwife came in. Unfortunately it was with the midwife who irritated me last time I saw her… but this time she didn’t seem to bother me nearly as much. Maybe I was just in a mood that day, LOL.

Still no actual answer on the meds thing. I am getting QUITE annoyed by that. I don’t mind seeing different midwives if it was at all apparent that they ever spoke to each other and put things in my chart. Hello?! I need more than someone’s opinion each time, I wanted an actual answer! “Ask the ped” is not sufficient. But. She did say that many women breastfeed on celexa and it shouldn’t be an issue. I just don’t know, I’m getting so damn frustrated. Part of me says to just switch meds to zoloft, but then part of me is REALLY nervous about doing that, knowing how bad things can get when I’m not on my meds. Sometimes it takes time to find the right meds, and if celexa really is “my” med, zoloft might not work near as well. And that, frankly, would suck big time. I really wish I felt like they gave a damn about it rather than just shrugging their shoulders every time. (Yes, getting very pissed about this.)

Okay, moving past that. Fundal height was 29cm. I asked her if she could tell what position the kiddo is in, and she said it’s probably too early to tell for sure… but she suspects she feels feet and a bum up high above my belly button, and what is probably is back down my right side. She couldn’t feel his head, but didn’t want to press too hard – it’s probably hiding down low in my pelvis (along with his hands, which like to “tickle” me down there!). After feeling for body parts she took out the doppler and said “Let’s see, usually I’ll hear the heartbeat where the back is, if I’m right.” She put the doppler down over where she felt the back and WHOOSH WHOOSH WHOOSH there it was without any adjustment at all. Haha. So that’s more confirmation that he’s now head-down like I suspected for the past week or two (ever since I started feeling the need to pee every half an hour). I didn’t get a count on the heartrate, but it sounded the same as usual, probably around 150. :)

And that was all for today. Next appointment Feb 8.