So recently I’ve read a couple of threads on breastfeeding and pumping and started thinking that maybe I ought to at least look at pumps to see what’s available and start considering getting one. I want to exclusively breastfeed. I’m very determined about that (more determined than I am about a non-medicated birth). And I have no desire to pump and bottle feed for “convenience” while we’re out (which I don’t think is convenient at all, because I have to bring my boobs with me anyways…). However I’ve seen enough to know that sometimes there are cases where pumping is necessary. Whether it’s to keep a stash of emergency breast milk in the freezer just in case something were to happen and I wasn’t able to breastfeed, or to be able to “pump and dump” in case something temporary happened to my milk… it seems prudent to keep some kind of pump on hand, just in case.

Of course the nifty electric pumps… don’t make any sense. No way am I paying $200 for a piece of equipment that’s “just in case.” If I were going to be a pumping-at-work mama… then sure, that’s a great investment. But not for my situation. So I’m stuck looking at manual pumps.

The two I’m looking at:
Medela Harmony
Avent Isis

Anyone with opinions out there? Other recommendations?

::

Den and I looked up flights today, and thankfully we managed to find ways to cut the costs (flying on a tues or wed – even if that makes it a little tough around christmas – and flyinig out of a different airport rather than our local one). I pretty much budget around $1000 for two round-trip flights to my parents. Sometimes that’s not enough. (Frequently, in fact.) Flight costs are retarded. Anyways, we’re looking at coming under budget this year, which is a yippee. Bad news is that we still have to spend over $300 on a dog kennel – for one week. Sigh. Such is the cost of having not only two dogs, but two dogs that no one in their right mind will babysit. (Like my parents’ dogs? When they go away, my cousins babysit. No problems. We had Den’s brother babysit our two once. And only once. I don’t think he’ll ever do it again. Our two are hellions and do NOT adapt well to strangers.)

But, plans are moving forward and it looks like everything should be set pretty soon for our Christmas vacation with my parents. I’m looking forward to visiting, seeing the dogs, spending time with family. I’ll be 25 weeks pregnant at christmas, so that will be fun. The whole extended family will be so happy for us! And I won’t be so big or uncomfortable that the flight will kill me, haha. (Though at no point – pregnant or not – is a 5 hour flight comfortable. Ugh.)

::

I have felt good today, but don’t let that jinx me please. My night times are now puke-free, thanks to the double pillow. Which is somewhat uncomfortable. I guess it’s just my introduction to the many discomforts of pregnant sleeping, right? My days… well, today was puke-free, but not entirely nausea-free. I had to go into work unexpectedly today, and on the way I swung by Subway to buy another ham sandwich. (I made her put the ham in the microwave first. They think I’m nuts when I ask that. I never explain – why bother. Do you think toasting the meat is enough? Anyways, the sub was freaking good. Not as good as last time… but definitely good. I’ve had such a craving for ham sandwiches…. of course one of the things I’m supposed to eat few of. Whatever. I’m heating the damn ham up.) And it’s unfortunate, because before I ate I felt like a bag of monkeys, all squirreling around in my stomach desperate for food. After I ate I felt like a freakin’ blimp. I wanted to hurry up and get done with work, but I felt like my top speed was somewhat slow. I think a snail would have passed me.

Of course it doesn’t help that I had a grand time wasting about 10 minutes just sitting in one of the rooms watching a young litter of kittens play. I think they’re about 3 or 4 weeks old… still very wobbly on their feet, very slow and deliberate in their movements… so tiny… but they were crawling over each other and biting and pawing at each other… everything in that slow, exaggerated “baby” mode. It was freakin adorable. I think I could have sat there all day and watched them wrestle. Kittens are adorable. Like hubby always says, too bad they don’t stay kittens forever. (Well, actually he says, “The problem with kittens is that they grow into cats.” But he’s not much of a cat-lover.)

::

And now I get to announce something! My very best friend in the whole world is pregnant!! (No, she’s not an IFer. She’s one of the lucky buggers who get pregnant from sex!) This is someone whom I’ve been friends with since we were both around 13 or 14 years old. We both grew up, got married, moved to the U.S. (she’s a Canadian too!) and now are having babies. I am so. Freaking. Thrilled. Back when she got pregnant with her first I was JUST starting the TTC journey and I was so excited we were going to be pregnant together – because I’d be pregnant in a month or two. Well, she had that baby, who is now one year old and change. But we got a second chance, as she’s pregnant with #2 and I’m finally pregnant! I really couldn’t be happier. Well, maybe I’ll be happier if she gets a girl this time and I get a boy, so I get all her hand-me-downs. Hahahah. :P But congrats girl!!!

Finally someone has posted a news article clarifying some things about that couple who is suing their RE. Specifically this paragraph:
“Dr Armellin’s barrister Kim Burke said the birth mother only told her client she wanted one embryo minutes before she was sedated on November 12, 2003, after previously signing a form consenting for up to two to be implanted.”

So yes, she did verbally request that only one be transferred…. minutes before the procedure. Now granted it should have been followed. But does her verbal last-minute request override her signed consent form that stated two? At the end of the article it says this:

“The risk of multiple births when two embryos are implanted into the uterus is 20 per cent, which drops dramatically to 0.1 per cent when only one embryo is used, the court was told. ‘Point one per cent – that is the risk to which she consented,’ Mr Marshall said. The risk she did not consent to was the 20 per cent increase that two embryos implanted would bring.”

But actually? Yes she did. She DID consent to that risk by signing that consent form that stated 2 embryos were to be transferred. If she was honestly THAT concerned about twins – as obviously she was/is – why didn’t she state only one right from the beginning?

So I don’t know. This is a much better article in terms of less sensationalized and more actual information. But I still don’t know if I sympathise much for her. Do I sympathise for her that she asked for one and they followed her previous request instead? Well yes, that would be a little frustrating. But is it really worth the $400k she is suing for? Is it really worth all this media attention? And is it even going to stand up? Most of the time a written document trumps a verbal request, even a verbal agreement.

This article also reveals that this is a same-sex couple, which the other one didn’t mention. To me that doesn’t change a thing though.

I got some FuzziBunz in the mail today! :D I wasn’t even looking for some – I had all but given up on never-been-used pocket dipes – when I saw someone posting on one of my forums… they sell dipes and just got in a big box of small and medium FuzziBunz Seconds. (For those of you who have no idea what that means – dipes are marked “seconds” when they have something really minor wrong with them… the tag placed incorrectly, a snap placed incorrectly, etc. Most of the time they’re very small, visual problems – they can’t sell them for full price, but they’re still fully functional diapers. So anyways, FBs are, brand new, sold for $18 plus shipping. Yikes right? Well I got these ones – brand new – for $14 each including shipping. And, being the lovely, generous wife that I am, I ordered one in red, the other in turquoise. Den was absolutely begging me to buy at least a red diaper, to go with the Red Sox outfits we already have. LOL! Den doesn’t like pale, pastel colors… he was pointing out the red, the blue, the green. He wanted man colors! So that’s what I got him. :) I really think he’s going to be happy! They’re gorgeous! I’m thinking of ordering some more… LOL I just wish I knew if I should focus on blues or if I can splurge on some pinks. ;) (No, Den will NEVER let a boy wear pink. So for now it’s blues and gender-neutrals!)

::

So Den and I looked at some baby bedding online last night – the first time since we found out we’re actually pregnant – and bickered a bit (“What? That?? You’re kidding right? OMG, it’s horrible!” … “No honey I am NOT buying a SPORTS set. No, even if it has teddy bears.”) and found out that yet again the only set we both actually like is Sweet Vanilla. He says he likes the pattern, that it’s “classy” and “inoffensive.” (He found some of my choices of mod stripes to be offensive, lol!) And I of course am just loving it because of the stars and moons and SHEEP! So we may end up going with that one, no matter what gender… then choosing a more gender-specific paint color. (Though I really think blue would just look great with it, either way.)

However it brings up the crib color. It’s so neutral that I think a natural colored crib would just be very bland. Doable, but bland. What would look AWESOME is a chocolate colored crib. Unfortunately the cribs I like? Don’t come in espresso. Here’s the closest thing I could find: Capri Lifetime Crib, Walnut. But yeah, Walnut is not Espresso, and I don’t like the color nearly as much.

Or there’s the Pinehurst Lifetime Crib, Espresso. It’s close.

The only other options for dark that are in the “style” that I want are black. And do I really want a BLACK crib? Meh. No.

Hey! The crib I wanted originally is back in stock! Ameriwood Lifetime Crib, Natural. Not many reviews yet, though. Need to make sure it’s a good crib.

I am still liking this other crib I found when the Ameriwood was out of stock, the Sienna 5-in-1, Natural. It, unlike the Ameriwood, has a drop side. And it has good reviews. And it’s pretty.

So I dunno. Decisions, decisions. Thank goodness we have time. :) I need a long time to mull things over. I really appreciate the 10 months pregnancy gives me!!

Okay, technically I’m only 11w6d, but according to their “schedule” it’s my 12 week appointment. ;)

So yeah, appointment with the Midwife today. You may remember I kind of wanted to speak to her a little further before booking an appointment with the other Midwife group? I had hoped that it would make my decision a little clearer. Ha. Not. Well first of all she was not at all offended or surprized by my talking about switching – she totally understands wanting a Midwife. She said it’s very good to think about it now while I’m early in my pregnancy (I got the feeling that sometimes women think about it late in pregnancy when labor is looming, when they can’t switch, then freak out). She said the Midwives there come highly recommended and she encouraged me to make an appointment to interview them and see how I felt about it. So that part was good.

I asked her about the hospital and the hospital proceedures (since whether I stay or switch, it’s going to be the same hospital, same nurses, even same backup OBs). She did say that the Midwife group, being based out of the hospital, is a much more medicalized group that Midwives at freestanding birth centers (of which there aren’t any around here, just in case you were wondering). She doesn’t know them personally, and she still encouraged me to talk to them myself. She did say that the nurses and OBs at the hospital are like most hospitals… they get antsy if you “take too long” to labor and will try to augment it with pitocin, which leads to much more pain and usually needing pain meds, etc. She said she herself at this hospital has only seen a handful of medication-free “natural” childbirths, so the hospital is not very familiar with the process. She said if I’m willing to be my own advocate it’s definitely doable, but she did paint me a pretty good picture of what to expect. And honestly I pretty much figured that’s how it was going to be. She said either of the hospitals in the area are about the same with those regards, she said if I was wanting a water birth or something I’d have to go further away to find a hospital that allows it (which Den is unwilling to do – luckily a water birth isn’t something I am big on).

She said she formerly worked at a birth center where the majority of births were natural births, water births. She said she had quite an adjustment when she moved to working with the hospital. (And this is a point that sticks in my head – it’s really really unfortunate that she’s not doing deliveries, because she sounds like exactly what I was looking for.)

About the OB she works with… she said that he’s as close to a Midwife as an OB could get, that he’s very laid-back about births, he’s very reluctant to do episiotomies (she said he has a 4% episiotomy rate, which is very low for an OB), and he doesn’t try to rush labor and is willing to just wait it out – if he’s not pressed for time for whatever reason. Now I’ve never met the guy, so I don’t have a personal opinion of him, but if I had to get an OB for a natural labor it sounds like he’d be a very good choice.

There is still the small chance that an OB from the hospital group could attend my birth, which would be what I don’t want. They are all very highly respected OBs, and I’m sure they are excellent at what they do, but I don’t know them, and I’m willing to bet they would NOT be as laid back as the OB at the practice. (They’re probably much more typical OBs.) However she did say that they may be adding another Midwife to the practice in the next three months or so, which obviously would change the situation.

Oy, you see what I mean? It’s very muddy waters!

When I talked to Den on the phone today he said he had another medical aquaintance recommend switching to the hospital group… no one says this outright to Den but I get the feeling that Dr. W. isn’t really highly regarded among other OB-types. And I take that with a large grain of salt – and so does Den – because it’s quite possible they’re reacting to his very Midwife-like slant. He doesn’t sound like a “traditional” OB. Or there could be more to it, I don’t really know.

So I guess the only thing to do now is the interview the Midwife group and get them to answer my questions so I can make an honest comparison and see if I would even feel comfortable switching. At this point I’m going on speculation and hearsay and I can’t make a solid decision on that. After I see how they are, as compared to my current midwife, then hopefully the decision will be clearer. Hopefully.

Luckily Den has been really supportive through this… as long as we give birth at this particular hospital where there are OBs lurking around every corner to rush in and save they day in the event of a catastrophe, then he is okay with whomever I choose to see me through this pregnancy. And that’s really cool. I know he still doesn’t really get why I think a Midwife is better, but the fact that I’ll either have a Midwife working alongside an OB or a Midwife group that comes highly recommended by his doctor friends makes him feel much more at ease. And I’m very thankful for that!!

::

Okay, the rest of the appointment. My weight today on their scale was 139. Which, pre-pregnancy, would have made me thrilled. The midwife did note that I’d lost weight, and she knows I’ve been dealing with nausea, and she definitely didn’t act like it was a good thing but she didn’t seem too concerned either. Shoot I forgot to find out my blood pressure. Oh well. I had to pee in a cup, which today was more difficult. I shouldn’t have peed earlier. (Remember that for next time!)

Midwife came in and talked to me about all the above. She flipped through my chart and said all my bloodwork came back perfect… oh, and that my blood type is A+. Yay! I never knew that before!

She did a listen to my heart, felt my lymph nodes, quick breast exam, palpated the abdominal region (causing gurgles, haha), and she did a pap, blerg. I must say, it was much more sensitive now than it ever was pre-pregancy. (They never bothered me before.) It wasn’t painful, but it was more like… yeah… that’s not pleasant. She said everything looks perfectly healthy and good down there.

Then she tried to hear the heartbeat. And… couldn’t find it. Sigh. So she did a quick pelvic exam to check the position of my uterus… she said it’s definitely tilted back, which makes her not surprized that she couldn’t hear the heartbeat yet. (If the uterus is tilted back, everything’s further away from the doppler and hiding.) She wants me to come back next week to try again, she said usually by 13 weeks a back-tilted uterus will be forward enough to hear it. (Actually what she said was, “Could you come in next week for a quick check?” Yes please!!) It was a little disappointed, but I’m not panicking or anything… I know it’s early still to hear by doppler. And I have an U/S on Wednesday, so that’s good. But she said the size of my uterus is perfect, everything’s growing properly. Just that the little bugger is hiding. (I can’t say I’m surprized that our child would be obstinate and wanting to be left alone. Takes after mom.)

Oh, and when I asked about Proactiv… she said, “I think that has salacytic acid in it…” and I said nope, just benzoyl peroxide. “Oh!” she said, “Then that’s fine!” Yay!!!!

And that was it, back to work I went.

Today was Den’s twin neices 7th birthday party. I tell ya, shopping for their presents made me really happy I’m only getting one. Trying to find “matching” toys and clothes was an uttter pain in the ass! But they got a bunch of things from their list and seemed pretty darned happy overall. Of course I don’t think they spent more than 10 seconds on each gift as they were opening them… always the thrill of the next gift, right? :) Made me really look forward to my kid getting old enough. Gosh. Such a cool thought.

One of the families there had an older daughter (the twins’ age) and a 9 month old girl. She was chatting with me a bit about pregnancy and baby stuff. I mentioned cloth diapers in an offhand sort of way, and she just said something to the effect of, “Oh, you’re going cloth? There are SO many cute options out there!” I don’t think she uses cloth herself, but she was obviously familiar with it. So that was cool!

MIL was very sweet as well… she told me that she wanted to let me know that she thinks finding out the gender by U/S is totally cool and she would have done it, had she had the option back then. (Because last time there was a party, I was tsk-tsked by one of the other MILs.) She said she wanted to tell me last time but never got a chance to. I swear, my MIL is just the coolest MIL in the world. :) (And this is Den’s mom I’m talking about. He also has a step-mom.) She is just totally awesome. The other MILs were the ones ranting last time…. my MIL is very very not-pushy and non-judgemental. And she goes out of her way to tell you that she supports you, whatever you do. So she’s cool. :) And she’s REALLY looking forward to totally spoiling our singleton. (She’s the one with the two sets of twins as grandchildren… this is her first singleton grandchild and she’s so excited, lol. Not that she doesn’t LOVE both sets of twins, but she said it’ll be really fun just to have one to spoil.)

Pizza didn’t agree with me, just to let you know. I think it’s the tomato sauce honestly, as the pasta with tomato sauce last night didn’t agree with me either.

::

I have this huge craving for a big made-from-scratch waffle with strawberries and a ton of whipped cream. I actually layed down to try to sleep and all I could think of was how good a waffle would taste. Shit. And when I mentioned it to Den he totally rolled his eyes at me. Apparently running to IHOP – which isn’t close – at midnight isn’t really in his plans. He’s going to a golf tournament tomorrow, so I may have to make a breakfast run to Bickfords (far closer than IHOP). I definitely will if this craving keeps up. Daammnnnn. Want waffle bad.

::

I did some more wish-list making online, and found out that Amazon.com has all the same stuff that Target has…. and for cheaper. I think the Baby Papasan swing that I want was nearly $30 cheaper! So I’ve ended up moving all my Target baby registry stuff over to Amazon.com. I still have the Babies R Us one, because it’s like, the mega store that everyone checks first, lol. But Amazon has some great stuff!

They even have the newest Arm’s Reach Cosleeper models. After reading all the product descriptions I’ve decided to get a mini cosleeper simply because of space issues in the bedroom. we could make room, but it would probably mean removing a dog crate or two, and when the baby comes I think we’re going to need the dogs to sleep in their crates for safety reasons. (Me tripping over them safety reasons… not them harming the baby!! As it is it takes me 5 minutes to get to the bathroom in the middle of the night, as I have to be careful to step over both dogs in the dark.) It’s not a huge room, by any stretch, and having a king-size bed, two dog crates – one a HUGE one – and a TV cabinet in here has it pretty much stuffed. Anyways, so I want a mini size, and then I read about their new Mini Convertable Cosleeper. It can be a bassinett, cosleeper, or a changing table! So I might do that, so that when baby moves to the crib we can turn it into a changing table. Sounds like a good idea. (Unless we buy a dresser, then I won’t need it, but damn dressers are expensive!)

I’m pretty set on what I want for a lot of the baby gear.

I love the Ionic pattern from Graco for the infant seat and stroller. The stroller is a much smaller one than their typical ones… lightweight. Still works with the infant seat. I think it’ll be great. I am NOT one to walk/jog around the neighborhood with the baby in a stroller and I plan to babycarry in public, but for cases when I do need a stroller a small one is great. And very sharp looking, if I might say so. (I actually think some of Den’s friends have this exact model of stroller, but I’m not certain their kid is going to have outgrown it by the time ours comes along.)

I have settled on the Baby Papasan swing because I’ve heard so many good things about it. I’m not going to get the Baby Papasan bouncer, because I want something different just for variety… but I think I want a very comfortable, soothing swing for baby, lol!

The Graco Playard in Kendall is a totally cute pattern, and it has the raised changing table. I like that. It’ll look great in our living room. It’s totally cute and not frilly like some of them are. (I hate ruffles. I really hate ruffles.)

I’ve decided on the Fisher Price Space Saver highchair. It’s far cheaper than standalone highchairs, and it’s really classy looking and simple. (And friends of mine love theirs!)

I really like the Baby Einstein Discovering Water bouncer, but I’m not completely sold on it. It’s pretty expensive and I might just change my mind and get something simpler (and cheaper). If it’s a girl I may have to get the Think Pink Bouncer. I mean, it’s pink and so cute. :D

Then you get the other stuff… the additional base for the car seat (since we have TWO vehicles now!!), the Snuzzler head & body support for the infant seat for newborns, the monitor (digital), the lansinoh and gas drops, a shitload of washclothes (to use as wipes and whatever else in addition to bathing), the crib mattress and pad, the contoured changing pad and covers, the boppy and covers, and sheets for the crib, playard and bassinet. Missing anything? Probably am missing some stuff…. but I don’t really want to go totally overboard on shit either. I don’t at the moment have much toys or anything on my lists, but I know I’ll get some anyways, and I’ll need some teethers and rattles and baby books and stuff. Oh, and clothes… but light knows people love to buy baby clothes! I’m sure I’ll have plenty enough for an April baby. I might get some sleep sacks and such for the first month or two, but after that I shouldn’t need much more than onesies and shirts!

And diapers, of course, but I’ve already taken care of that. LOL For my baby shower I’m going to have to have some way of politely asking people not to bring a bag of diapers (since I’ve heard from others that it’s a VERY common thing to do). Yes, I’ll probably want an emergency bag of diapers, but I do NOT want a huge stash of diapers I don’t intend to use! (If things go horribly wrong with the cloth, we can always just drive to the store and buy some sposies, you know?)

Oh yeah, and a simple pump, like I posted about earlier.

I dunno, maybe I’m already getting jaded, but those lists of “necessary items” that the stores publish? Full of totally unnecessary crap. Of course I’ve had a long time to sit on my baby wish lists (since I started them when I started TTC – so almost two years now) and even though I just got pregnant I’m totally over the adding-everything-to-my-list stage.

I have not pooped in days. I know this is probably not what you really wanted to read first thing in the morning (or afternoon, or whenever you read this), but it’s true, and it’s becoming a problem. My stomach is un-happy.

Sunday my SIL called me up and asked if I was busy. I wasn’t, so we went to the Big E together. It’s the first time I’ve ever gone, and it was a good day… very warm, and tiring, but it was good. And I ate some fantastic tasting food.

But that food, oh. I haven’t felt good since Sunday. After the Big E we went over to a mutual friend’s house and watched a total chick flick, just the girls (Steel Magnolias). It was a really fun night, and we’re planning on making it a weekly thing, a girl’s movie night – and trust me I need that kind of girlie out-of-the-house time! But of course someone ordered pizza, and of course I ate some, so of course I was up at 5am puking everything up.

It didn’t really help though. It’s like… I have existed for two days in only two states: bloated beyond belief, and starving. When I hit “starving” mode I try to eat something… and end right back up at bloated and totally uncomfortable.

I worked today, and finally just called it quits and went home to take a nap. A long nap. My butt and hips are aching from all the walking we did. And my stomach is very unhappy with me. It has been gurgling like crazy since I woke up from my “nap.” And I mean “gurgling” to read as “I have a freaking symphony going on in there.” I’m seriously considering throwing up just to give myself some comfort. (But throwing up is totally nasty.) I don’t know how to describe this feeling other than something sitting on my chest. (I’m actually thinking I may not get a choice on the throwing up thing….. ummm… uck… nope.) I’m waiting for that hollow leg… But you know, I do feel a little better now. :sigh:

::

While at the Big E I saw a baby toy and I hemmed and hawed over it and finally went and bought one. It’s not something I really intended to buy, but it was a sheep, and it fits so perfectly with the bedding we’ve chosen.

The little sheep is a rattle.

We also got to watch a little bit of horse jumping (little kids!), which was so cool to see in-person (I always wanted to do that, but never really got the chance), and there were big stalls with Clydesdale horses in them all prettied up for display. WOW were those big animals. Massive! But oh, the eyes. Someone was at the side reaching over the rope to stroke one of the horses on the nose and his eyes were half-closed. Those beautiful eyes… so full of intelligence. They just make me melt. I’m not a huge horse person – I never really have been around any – but they are magnificent animals!

We walked past all the rides and commented on which ones I probably could go on – but SIL isn’t much of a ride person, so we skipped them all. I mean, what fun is the ferris wheel anyways? Far too lame for me.

::

Some of my friends have recently been talking about birth control. On some forums girls mention getting pregnant on birth control – some while breastfeeding. I just laugh to myself. I laugh, I laugh. Birth control…. hahahahahah. Yeah.

You know what is good? One hot dog. Know what’s not good? Two hot dogs and an orange float (soda + vanilla ice cream). :sigh:

Yes, hot dogs. I know that they are probably better to stay away from… but of course what is my current craving? Hot dogs. With melted cheese. I had one at the Big E on Sunday and let me tell you, that was the best damn hot dog I’ve ever had in my life. Today I was shopping at Costco and I was running past all those little sample tables since they all were making me feel queasy. Except… oh no… hot dogs. Little cut-up hot dog weiners. I tried one. Shiiiiit, it was good. I bought a whole box of hot dog weiners. :/ Then I came home and ate one…. then another one. Sigh.

I feel like the number of foods that do not make me feel sick are shrinking rapidly. Remember at the start of this “morning sickness” thing how I said that as long as I ate something I felt okay? Hahaha. Those days are long gone. Last night I threw up a freaking apple. An apple! I’m trying to do good by my kid, but my body goes and throws it all up. Guess it was just too much. And right now “too much” constitutes… well, an apple. It’s so frustrating because I’m hungry… but every time I try to eat I end up nauseated and puking.

So yeah. I’m really ready for this “morning sickness” (for me it’s more like evening/night sickness) to go on its way. I really want to be able to eat anything I want! I’m ready for the second trimester. Anytime now.

::

In other pregnancy news I’m getting really irritated again. My dogs? My cats? The cats at work? People? Driving? Stupid people driving? All are pissing me off. The dogs need to get the hell out of my way… and they need to stop chewing stupid shit. I’d love to be able to turn off my mommy-sense for an hour and live in blissful ignorance like my husband does, but somehow I can hear the muffled sound of them chewing something from three freaking rooms away, and to me it’s like running nails down a chalkboard. I can’t let it go. I know they’re doing something they shouldn’t be. Damnit. And the cats? Need to get off my damn counter!! I’m tired of having to push a cat out of the way every time I want to write something, or eat something, or freaking see the computer screen. This goes for home and work. Can I please just walk into the kitchen without tripping over someone??

::

I have an ultrasound tomorrow morning. I am nervous. Not terrified… but nervous. I hope everything’s okay in there. It’s so hard when I can’t feel anything yet. I just trust the nausea that everything is proceeding as it should be.

And suddenly I got hit with a wall of exhaustion…. ugh. I guess that means sleep for me!

Well I know everyone is probably dying for the results right? :) Have I made you suffer enough?

So this morning Den and I drove into the hospital where my ultrasound was to be done – apparently my doctor’s office doesn’t have an ultrasound machine. It was my first look at that wing of the hospital – the wing that handles all prenatal care, ultrasounds, the midwife group, and labor and delivery. It’s a very large wing, with a central registration desk and such. I had to sit down and go over all my information with a lady at a computer. Birthdate is [date]? Yep. Still at [address]? Yep. Married? Yep. Insurance is ConnectiCare? Yep. Once that was done they sent me back to the ultrasound waiting room – which also happens to be the same waiting room for the midwife group. I checked in, sat down, and was shortly called back.

It was a young tech around my age who took us back, who said she was a student tech and only going to do the first few measurements, then someone would come in to do the rest. She led me into a curtained off ultrasound room and told me to hop up on the sheet-covered table. I paused for a minute. “Is this transvaginal, or abdominal?” “Oh no, it’s abdominal!” Wow. I didn’t have to dis-robe! I unbuttoned my pants and tugged them down a bit so she could get a clear shot at my lower abdominal region. She tucked a towel into my pants and one against my shirt which I had pulled up under my boobs, then she squirted warm gel on my stomach. Not bad, not bad. Then she put the probe against my skin and started scanning back and forth.

“There’s your cervix,” she pointed to the screen. I took her word for that one. I was looking up at an awkward angle, trying to make sure there was a baby still in there somewhere. Sure enough she scanned over the big black sac and the baby was inside it. I caught a flicker of a heartbeat. And then… baby moved! It kicked its little legs and moved its arms around, then settled down again. She measured the heartrate – 147 bpm – and showed us different parts of the baby. The little knees, the little hands. How freaking amazing was it to see our baby MOVING around in there. No longer just a little blob. It looked like a real baby.

Of course, being our child, baby was obstinate and stayed curled up in a little ball. She kept scanning back and forth from different angles trying to get a good measurement of the crown-to-rump length, but baby would not uncurl. The other ultrasound tech came in and suggested I sit up for a while, then lay back all the way and stretch out. The first thing the other ultrasound tech said was, “Her uterus is pretty tipped, so laying them out really flat can help baby move around.” So yes, apparently I have a very tipped uterus. So they layed me out flat and were finally able to get a good measurement of the baby’s CRL – 6.07cm. Baby has more than doubled – nearly tripled – in size since 8 weeks.

Of course at that point she was having difficulty seeing anything at all and said my bladder was filling up and pressing on my uterus, I should go empty it. Yeah, make me pee after not having had anything to drink! That took some coaxing! And there was ultrasound gel on my undies… must have gotten pushed under the towel. Yech!! But back onto the table I went to get some more photos.

She was trying to get a look at the baby’s neck, but of course baby was being obstinate again. At one point baby had its hand up by its face and she was jiggling the wand trying to convince it to move, lol. Then baby wasn’t facing the right way. I tell ya, from straight-on baby’s face looks totally like a little alien! Craziness. Finally baby rolled over enough to get a scan of the neck. It was this little crescent-shaped sliver that she measured. She said it was very small, just like they want to see.

And now I know what you are waiting for! Pictures!!

First is the photo that I can’t stop looking at… the profile of my baby’s face. OMG. It looks like a real baby!

This is baby’s little hand. :love:

Then we sat and waited for a while. They came back with paperwork and directed me to the lab room. I was very unimpressed with this part. All I needed was a little finger stick, but the ladies were freaking yabbering about parking and left me just standing there. She tells me to wash my hands in warm water and warm up my fingers, so I do that, then I dry them and walk over to her station, and just sat there waiting for them to finish yacking. Finally she gets around to pricking my finger and dropping a little drop of blood on each of 5 little circles on one of my paperwork. And that was that. They said I’ll get my results in 7-10 days – results being a probability of a chromosomal defect, against my “base” probability.

I am just feeling so relieved and so happy today. Screw the damn nausea. I just want to sit here and bawl I am so thankful that baby is doing okay in there. It feels like a freakin’ miracle that somehow that one embryo decided to stay with us, and has come so far already.

I am having… intestinal trouble. Remember when I posted about my previous trouble? Well today that resolved itself…. and unfortunately is apparently still in the process of resolving itself. I’m supposed to be sleeping, but my stomach is roiling and hurting. Now don’t get me wrong, I am very happy that my intestines have cleared out – that’ll probably make me a heck of a lot more comfortable (and less bloated!) tomorrow. I just kind of hoped this wouldn’t be an all-day/all-night event.

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Den has been in total awe of our ultrasound all day. When I talk about the ultrasound he just keeps saying how very cool it was to see the baby moving around in there… that’s what got him the most: the movement. Seeing the baby move its arms and legs and wiggle around… really kind of made it feel real to us. During the U/S he kept touching my arm and hand, as if to say, “Wow, look at that!”

Honestly I wish I had a video of that U/S so I could replay it over and over again! The previous ones it was just a stationary blob, so the picture I got pretty much captured it. But – and the profile pic we got today is pretty damn cool – today’s doesn’t capture that experience. It doesn’t show how alive the baby was. And I feel like I want to somehow save that memory before it slips away. Anyone got a pensieve?

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I’ve been feeling really badly about how slowly all my work is going, but that exhaustion is just kicking my ass right now. I’m normally not much of a go-getter, but the last little while I’ve felt like it’s an extreme accomplishment just to get out of bed. Getting dressed is a bonus. (Unfortunately, as it frequently happens, that is shortly followed by un-dressing and crawling back into bed.)

Today after my ultrasound the idea was for me to get some work done at home, but Den, feeling sick, stayed home and crawled into bed. You can just imagine how long that set-up lasted before I crawled in with him. I cuddled up to him – he was so nice and warm – and I felt that exhaustion creep over me like a heavy blanket. I remember rolling away from him and falling asleep on my side of the bed, as is usual (I really, really need my space to sleep. There’s a reason we have a king-size mattress… anything less and I can’t sleep when he’s sleeping.) So imagine my surprize when I mentioned our nap later on in the evening and Den laughs and says I fell asleep on his shoulder. :shock: Apparently when I cuddled up to him I was out like a light for some time before I woke up and rolled back over. He said I was out cold, even twitching now and again in my sleep. I was out. I can’t even begin to describe how rare that is for me. I never, ever fall asleep in his arms, as much as I would like to.

So yeah, not much is getting done. The house is a sty, much to my chagrin. I sure hope I get some energy back soon. I keep falling behind in work, and that’s stressful. :(

Okay, someone needs to help me sort out my cravings here. I’m hungry, but so far tonight I’ve had fettucini alfredo (blaaand), yogurt (blech), and a peanut butter cookie (meh). I want *something* but I don’t know what! I know it has to have some kind of taste to it – normally I’m a very bland eater, but I need something more than that. And I don’t know WHAT it is.

Because I can eat so little each day (no stuffing myself here, yet), I feel totally cheated if I don’t like what I make myself! It’s totally not worth it to cook myself a whole meal, because chances are good I won’t like it!

Pumpkin pie. Oh yes. That is what I want. Damnit. Like I have any freakin’ pumpkin pie.

ETA – So I went to the grocery store to buy pumpkin pie – I am that desperate. And they didn’t have any!! No pies.

So I did what any sane pregnant women on a craving would do: I bought canned pumpkin, ground spices, and a pie shell, then came home and made a pumpkin pie. Well, it’s baking now. And it said to let it cool on wire rack for 2 hours! Bullshit!

But oohhhhh those spices smelled soooo good…

ETA2 – Took for freakin’ ever, but OMG best pie ever!