We are back from my ultrasound. It is a very healthy baby, measuring on target, with his or her heart beating away. 140bpm. And there was only one of them.

When we stepped into the ultrasound room Den looked at me with a very worried face and told me he was scared. I had been freaking out all day and he hadn’t. Suddenly when the time was up he was the one who looked like he might bolt from the room at any second, and I was calm and hopeful.

I slid my feet into those damn stirrups (but they were fuzzy, all the stirrups at the RE are fuzzy), and the Ultrasound tech started looking around.

I felt a moment of panic as she panned around, I didn’t see any black circles, just grey. What if there was nothing there?! And then a big round black spot slid into view, with a little whitish blob sitting at the bottom. She scanned back and forth through the embryo and pointed. “See that?” I sat up a little and sure enough, one little round part of the embryo was fading light-dark, light-dark, light-dark. The heartbeat. It didn’t look like I had pictured it… not at all like a little white light blinking. It looked… organic. You could almost see the liquid swoosh in and out over and over again. It was crazy and beautiful all at once.

The tech pointed out the yolk sac… the big blob at the top of the “baby” – which we had at first mistaken for a head – was in fact the yolk sac, sustaining the baby as the placenta burrows in. The baby was a little… blob… stretched out close to the bottom of the sac. She measured it end to end, told us it’s measuring right on track.

The funniest part, to me, was when she scanned over sideways to check my ovaries. It was freaking HUGE compared to the baby! Gigantic monster ovaries! She said sometimes they calm down by 8 weeks, sometimes it takes until 12 weeks for them to go back to their normal size. IVF kind of puts a strain on them. And definitely my left side is bigger than my right, which explains the minor twinges I’ve been getting from that side. She said to expect more as they continue to shrink up.

She printed up some photos of our little babyblob for my chart and for us to take home, and that was that. The whole ultrasound seemed to fly by. I felt like I just wanted to lay there and watch the heart beat for half an hour. Any less seemed far too short… and I’m not certain that even half an hour would have been enough!

The tech said that their wheel calculates a due date of April 6, but all the calculators online I’ve done say April 5. She said one day off isn’t a big deal either way, LOL. So I’m leaving all my tickers as April 5, for three reasons: it won’t screw up my counting (do I go back and change my previous pictures with the “new” date? it just gets confusing either way); currently my “new week” starts on a Saturday, and I like that a lot, just to take a day to celebrate and take photos; and April 5 is a nicer number. (I have weird quirks like that!) It’s not like the baby’s going to come on their due date anyways, so one day doesn’t matter.

They’ve booked me for another ultrasound on August 27, though I think they booked me with the wrong doctor (I was too far in lala land to correct them) so I may have to call tomorrow and just ask them to double check that.

She said that I can stop taking the baby aspirin (one less pill at night – woo hoo!) and the estrogen patches. I continue the progesterone until August 25, then stop those too! And I can book an appointment with my Midwife for anytime after the ultrasound on the 27th when they officially “release” me. :D

PS – Sorry Jen and others who are waiting! I took a while to write this!!

I just want to say that I love my proactiv system. I don’t use it as much as I’m “supposed” to and so – since the max you can space out shipments is every 2 months – I have a bit of a “stash” saved… but damn, this stuff has totally saved my face. I thought about it for years, since I’ve battled acne since my teenage years… and, unlike everyone else, it never went away. For me, breakouts were a daily thing. Even when I was showering and washing regularily I’d still get breakouts every month. It was depressing. It was frustrating. And finally – finally – Den talked me into trying it. It was a lot of money… $40 a month! But by that point I’d tried a bunch of store products that dried out my skin and still didn’t really work right. So I splurged.

And I loved it. I seriously have had only a handful of pimples in the many months that I’ve been on it – and most of those were from days when I wore makeup, which I have discovered through careful experimentation causes me to totally break out. (Any makeup. I tried a bunch, even the bare minerals stuff caused zits. My face seriously hates me.) I had changed my ordering system to every two months (thus making it $20/month) and it still kept the breakouts at bay. My skin will always be pock-marked from the many scars, but I don’t have new ones starting every month. And maybe this will give my face a chance to heal itself.

Well, then I got pregnant. I read something about a different acne drug being very bad during pregnancy, and in reading further I read that a lot of acne products should be avoided during pregnancy. You better believe I flew to my bathroom to check the ingredients. Benzoyl Peroxide. Is perfectly safe to use during pregnancy. I was so incredibly relieved.

Of course my face is now twice as oily as it used to be – that just started a few days ago. And I’ve noticed a couple of zits starting. So it’s back to my twice-a-day washing routine to keep my face clean. And right now I am basking in a lovely (haha) face mask that will hopefully help with the oiliness.

I really don’t mind having to deal with oily, blemished skin during pregnancy if I have no options. It’s short-term and well worth the result! But hey, if I have a chance at managing this? I’m all for it.

PS – I just bought a Bella Band. Black. It is going to be necessary like… now.

This oily skin thing is getting rediculous. I washed my face right after posting that last post, and a few hours later it was totally greasy-looking again. Ugh! I think I’m going to have to stop using the moisturizer. It just contributes to the greasiness. (I always have had oily skin, but not like this!) I am definitely noticing it a lot more today than I have in the last few days.

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Today has been a very good day, morning-sickness-wise! I haven’t felt nauseated at all! I did feel wicked hungry at around 10:30 this morning (after eating breakfast at 6:45), so soon as I got into work I put myself together a big sandwich and ate 3/4 of it (until the act of eating made me feel a little sick, that’s my cue that I’ve had enough). The rest of the day I snacked on little things of little to no nutritional value (they keep a stock of a lot of snacks at work – not so good for the health-concious!) and felt fine.

I said my work keeps a stash of snack foods… well today I was at Costco. And I couldn’t help myself… I bought several boxes of little snack variety boxes. They taste. So. Freaking. Good. All of them – the chips, the cheetos, the cookies, the brownies… seriously beyond yummy. And I’m not even craving chocolate at all right now – which is totally unusual for me. I’m a major chocolate fiend, have been all my life… and suddenly when I get pregnant, the perfect time for justifiable cravings, I don’t want any chocolate? What’s with that??

::

Total aside: You may notice that I never use the term “nauseous”. Read here for an interesting explanation of the terms nauseous and nauseated and how the language is evolving. I guess either term is technically correct nowadays… a case of popular use becoming accepted proper use!

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A little while ago Den came in and plunked down beside me on the bed. I’ve been in here resting with my laptop. He said, “So you’re almost 7 weeks?? Show me what the baby looks like!)” I pulled up some sites and we looked at the photos for the seventh and eigth week of pregancy (and were kind of like, “Ewwww, weird… freaky…”). Den even surprized me by running to the kitchen and grabbing some milk for me and brownies for us to share. (More of that no nutritional value stuff.) So we both sat in bed snacking on a couple of brownies and looking at what our baby might look like right about now. It was a nice little moment. :)

Den has been patting my stomach all the time, talking to the baby frequently. I think that ultrasound yesterday really made it “real” to him. He got to see it. Not that I think he didn’t believe it before, he has been very excited for weeks, but it’s like it really sunk in. You will never meet a man who is more thankful to have a pregnant wife! He’s been waiting well over 15 years to have a baby. (He was married previous to meeting me… they never had children.)

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I have been feeling twinges in my left ovary all day. The tech yesterday mentioned that they still have a lot of shrinking to do and to expect to feel something. She wasn’t lying. All day I’ve been feeling my left side ache a little bit off and on.

One pregnancy symptom that I don’t have (yet): fatigue. I get tired, sure – when I have to get up at 6am. Then again, I always get tired when I get up at 6am. It’s a stupid time of day. But I’ve actually been feeling very energised at work lately. At home I feel lazy, but it’s not exhaustion, just I don’t want to get out of bed so I’m going to stay here all day.

But, pregnancy fatigue or not, it’s nearly midnight and I’m about to konk out! Like I said, 6am really sucks!! (But tomorrow is Saturday, the start of a new pregnancy week! Always gets me totally excited! :D YAY for belly pic in the morning!)

Yay it’s Saturday! Happy 7 weeks! :) New belly pic is posted on the Belly Pics page. ;)

I just got off the phone with my mother and I am laughing hysterically.

The one thing you need to know about my mother is that she loves to chat. I don’t know if I’d really call it “gossip”, but that’s sorta what it is. Every time I’m on the phone with her I get an earful about so-and-so and such-and-such… all her friends (even those I only barely know)… if it’s news, it must be talked about. She has a very close-knit group of girlfriends and they do a lot together. (When I was a teenager I was the one at home, in bed by 11; my mother was out with her friends having a pajama party – and I’m not exaggerating either.)

So when I told my mom that I’m pregnant I expected it to be all over the family tree in about 2 days, max. Especially since most of the family already knows about the troubles we were having conceiving (some of them knew because we mentioned it last year when we were there; most of them knew because mom told them)… I expected it to be big news.

Well I come to find out today that mom’s closest sister has been away for two weeks. Mom apparently insists that her sister be the first person she tells the news to. Therefor she has not told anyone else. Not even her very best friend. She’s been sitting on this piece of news for weeks – OMG it’s killing her! She was wailing that there’s a family picnic tomorrow with all her cousins and her sister has to come home in the morning so she can tell her first! Or what is she going to say at the picnic??

I just hung up the phone and started laughing and laughing… imagining my poor mother sitting on this news, refusing to tell a single person before her sister… oh dear. She really must be going crazy! I hope she gets to tell everyone tomorrow or she may explode. :)

I feel so happy pregnant. Despite anything else that’s going on in my life (work can get pretty stressful) I just sit back and think, I’m pregnant! It’s a wonderful, wonderful feeling. Even my nausea is exciting… and the oily skin. I deal with them as best I can, but… there’s still a part of me that says “Look at that!! I’m soooo pregnant!” every time I puke. And it makes me feel happy.

A lot of people have commented on how good I look pregnant. While I know that people say that anyways, I think I see a difference too. I know I feel a difference inside.

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I spent most of today going through and updating links and RSS feeds and Baby Blogorama. I’m finally getting up to date (with Shana’s help!). If you’re not listed on there please let me know! I’d love to add you. :)

While I was going through site after site to update their status (Had a baby? Not had a baby?) Den walked in the room as I was looking at someone’s 3-D ultrasound. “Oh my god!” he said. “What is that??” I told him. “Holy shit! That’s… that’s… wow! It’s like, you’re looking inside!” So I told him we’ll ask my Midwife if that’s even an option for it. He didn’t seem too eager to pay extra for such a nicety, though. And to be perfectly honest, even pregnant I don’t see the need for a 3-D ultrasound. I’m perfectly happy with the normal ones.

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I want: Worth the Wait. (But, $28 for a onesie? Oy.)

Oh my god, a sheep halloween costume! *falls over* That is so what our kid is wearing for Halloween next year!

Along those same thoughts… Den and I are still arguing over what the nickname for this kid should be while it is still in utero. I think that ultrasound pic looks like a rubber ducky and Duck is a cute name. Den however thinks the ultrasound looks like a sheep and that we should call the kid Sheepie… especially fitting since I’m, err, obsessed with sheep for a baby’s room. I’m really not sure where to go with this one. (He has always disliked my term of Blob, so… ) Is Sheepie appropriate? LOL Lambie? (Though I have a stuffed animal named Lambie, and that could get confusing.) Fluffy? Wooly? Hahaha. Errr, no.

So yeah, friday when I went to Costco and bought those snack boxes? Should NOT have done that. I feel like I’ve gained 4lbs since having them in the house. The doritos, the cheetos (omg), and my personal favorite, the Pepperidge Farms mini chocolate chunk cookies. Totally drool-worthy. I normally don’t like ANY kind of cookies that come in a box/bag, but these are totally delicious.

And also, someone on a forum mentioned Aero bars (which aren’t to be found anywhere here in the US) and I’m totally craving some. :( Damn America! Why don’t you have Aero?!

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Den is gone for another week. I want to cry. :(

And we may be completely fucked. I just got an “explanation of benefits” from our insurance for the medical billing on date May 23. Looking back in my history, May 23rd was the embryo transfer for our first IVF. (Why are we still getting notices about that? I already got billed, and payed said bills). Well this “explanation of benefits” says that the Plan pays x amount and Member pays $923.04. WHAT??? I looked up all their itemized things…. (pharmacy, supplies, medical services, laboratory, anesthesia, etc etc) and I see two codes for “Denied – No prior auth/referral received – member cannot be billed.”

Let me repeat this one more time: What. The. Fuck?!?!

It does say at the top “THIS IS NOT A BILL” – and I better damnwell not be getting one. If I get a bill for near $1000 for an embryo transfer that was a part of my freaking plan I’m going to be so pissed off.

Today has not been a good day. My tire on my truck is flat yet again too.

There are a few things that I have learned/realized today. I thought I’d write them down for posterity.

One.
By the time your stomach is feeling very queasy, eating doesn’t really help it a whole lot. Need to eat before it gets to that stage, or it will not be a fun morning.

Two.
Now matter how tired YOU may be, you cannot take a nap before the dogs have gotten their dinner. They have no sympathy.

Three.
Being woken up by a stainless steel food bowl being thrown to the ground is extremely unpleasant.

Four.
Me feeling queasy about a food item before I eat it has no bearing on whether or not I will like it. More likely than not, as soon as I put it in my mouth I will suddenly become ravenous and want 6 more.

Five
Dogs have a very strong dislike of Wintogreen lifesavers. I’ve never seen such a dirty look from the dog… the same dog who has a major appetite for tissue paper and napkins.

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Something else I am coming to realize today is that I think my medication level is going to have to be adjusted. Maybe it’s just temporary, but I’ve had this anxiety settle over me for several days now and it’s not really lifting. This morning I woke up feeling like someone was sitting on my chest, the anxiety was so heavy. And it’s not tied to any particular situation… obvoiusly stressful situations make me feel even worse, but even when I’m “having fun” I can’t get away from this pervasive anxiety. I was feeling very frustrated by it until some friends reminded me that I may very well have to adjust my medication level in pregnancy. Strangely that hadn’t even occurred to me. 20mg has done me just fine for so long… I forgot to take into account that pregnancy might screw with things a little more than usual.

I’m not really thrilled about increasing my dosage, if that’s what the OB wants to do. Maybe it’s silly, but increasing it just makes me worry about the baby, even though I have already done a ton of research and concluded that it’s probably very safe and definitely better than having me a basketcase.

The feeling of anxiety though, it’s been hard to function. And that’s the point where I need to get something changed.

Unfortunately though my Midwife appointment isn’t until September 7 – and I’m not even certain she can make medication decisions herself, though I’ll definitely talk to her about it and find out what to do and when I can see the OB if that’s necessary – and my GP doctor, who has been prescribing my medication up until this point has already told me that he’s not going to prescribe anything for me when I’m pregnant (he’s going to pass it to my OB to do). And obvoiusly, I am NOT going to be adjusting the dosage myself when I’m pregnant. So I’m kind of stuck for now.