Someone mentioned The Life and Times of a Labor Nurse on another blog I was randomly stopping through and I have spent the last hour (or more?) reading. Hilarious, and full of information. Everyone knows I love information. Granted I won’t have to use this information for a long time, but it’s good to save it up in my head… and put it here so I can find it later. (How many times have you later said, “Wait, I read something ones… it was a great list… where the fuck is it??” and never be able to find it again? I do it a lot.)
First there’s Things They Don’t Tell You. Here are the ones that jump out to me, but all of them are great:
4. They want you to get an epidural because it makes it easier for them if they have to do an emergency c-section.
5. # Most obstetricians base their practice on what they might get sued for, not necessary what research states is best practice.
13. Most nurses look at birth plans as a ticket to the OR.
30. The more technology a labor and delivery unit has, the more likely they will use it.
I’m a little grumpy about the birth plan one – my step-MIL is a nurse and said that once. Damnit I want a birth plan! #30 is what makes me point and say “uhhh!” though. That’s what I’ve been trying to put into words but have yet been unable to. That’s why I want a birth center, not a hospital. That’s why I like watching the midwife birthing center on TV. If they has less technology they learn to do without it, they learn other methods and are much more used to using just what they have. Of course hospitals CAN go without epidurals and monitors and other things. However they have it, they are used to using it, and I would much rather walk in somewhere and say, “I want exactly what you normally do,” rather than have to explain in detail what I do and do not want.
Stick It In My Back is a useful blurb about epidurals and why I don’t want one. All the way around, that just makes me go running for the all-natural side of things.
It is useful to know that there are only four indicated reasons for induction.
1. If the mother has an infection in her uterus.
2. If the mother has a disease that may make it risky for the pregnancy to continue, such as heart disease, diabetes, or high blood pressure.
3. If the pregnancy has reached 42 weeks.
4. If the bag of waters has ruptured and labor has not started on its own.
And finally, Useful Shit, Part Deux. Of course Part One is also useful, but it’s Part Deux that I want to be saving here.
Seeing that I take requests, I best be fulfilling them. So here is what you should bring (or not bring) to the hospital with you:
1. Two outfits for baby, two blankets, two hats. Like I said before, these little machines poop, pee, and puke.
2. Something comfortable to go home in. Don’t be thinking that means your size 6 prepregnancy Gap jeans either. Because that belly isn’t going anywhere for a while.
3. Toiletries in travel sizes, and a cheap toothbrush. Do not, I REPEAT, do not bring in items you use in your home. Unless, of course, you want to bring home a world of hospital germs to inoculate your home with. So in other words, bring items that will have just enough to get you through up to 4 days, then throw it away. In the hospital. Throw it in the hospital garbage.
4. You may want to bring your comfy pillows and stuff from home, but only if you missed #3.
5. Don’t bother bringing motrin, advil, or tylenol with you. Your nurses will give it to you when you need it, and it is not considered safe from a nurse standpoint for patients to be self administering. Yes, we know you know how to safely take some advil, but it’s a legal thing.
6. If you take any prescription medication, bring it with you, but make sure you tell your nurse what you take. Most places will give you the medications during your stay, but it’s always nice to have them in case you forget. But again, it goes back to #5.
7. Don’t bring in the car seat until the day of discharge. Of course, it will be ready and installed, but just have Dad get it when needed.
8. Lip balm.
9. Mints for your support people. You won’t want to be smelling dragon ass during a contraction. Trust me.
10. Most units have clear liquids like cranberry, apple, and grape juice, or ginger ale, but if there is a special drink that you want during labor, bring it. Keep in mind that it must be clear. I’ve had patients bring in flavored waters and the like.
11. Non-constricting shoes. Weird one, huh? But when your feet and ankles (cankles for some of you… and no I am not making fun… I’ll be there with you) swell from post delivery it is mighty difficult squeezing those hooves into dainty Coach attire.
12. Full on sleeping clothes for the dad. This is an absolute must if he plans on spending the night with you and he is one to typically sleep bare assed. None of the nurses want to see penises attached to males older than, say, 4 days old. We only know what to do when there is naked vagina around anyway.
13. Snacks for later. Snack foods in hospitals consist of jello, toast, and crackers. Not exactly my idea of a snack…
14. Take out menus of area restaurants in case you absolutely hate the hospital food. Sometimes the nurses station may have some too.
15. A camera! With extra batteries!
16. Slippers. Don’t you dare walk on those floor barefoot! Or even better, non-skid slipper socks. They are easier to wash when you get home.
17. Personal hand sanitizer for the guests who can’t manage a sink, running water, and soap. Or point them to the Cal-Stat or Avaguard the nurses use in the room.
18. If your pediatrician or their partners do not round at your hospital, make sure to bring his/her info in with you. The nursery will still need to know.
19. A doula.
20. Flexibility… because it doesn’t always go the way you expect.
Definitely worth a read. But right now I must sleep. And yell at my husband, who still is not in bed.
Oh, and as a total aside – I hate those freaking non-skid slipper-socks. I love socks; hate the non-skid. They weird me out. I had to wear some for my surgery (they gave them to me at the hospital) and I am just glad I was out and didn’t have to walk anywhere.
