Today I’m not really in a great frame of mind. I never considered how hard it would be to be “leaving” the community in which I’ve grown so accustomed to. After the initial shock and excitement of getting my BFP, now I’m realizing that a lot of the people who read my blog, who were aquaintances, will no longer be coming around. And I’m very sad by that. I understand it, don’t get me wrong – there were times when I couldn’t read pregnant blogs. But it makes me sad, too.<\/p>\n
My blog here certainly has\/will change. It’s about me, and whatever I’m going through. Right now it’s about my pregnancy, and it will hopefully be about my baby. My readership will change, I know that. Hopefully some stick around.<\/p>\n
I’m still feeling… angry. Getting pregnant didn’t cure that. It made it sting much, much less… but I still find myself passing someone in a store with a bunch of kids and thinking how they probably have no idea what it’s like to struggle to have a child. The pregnancy groups I’ve been wanting so desperately to join are full of people who got pregnant on the first or second or third try. No fault of their own. But it’s hard to deal with sometimes. It’s hard to realize that, even though you’re pregnant, you’re still set apart from others. They’re talking about ovulation dates; you’re talking about egg retrievals and progesterone suppositories. People make jokes about sex and you reply that you didn’t have sex to get pregnant. It wasn’t even part of the equation.<\/p>\n
Remember back when I started infertility treatments that I worried about getting pregnant right away because I would feel guilty? I’m still wondering. Even after failed clomid and IUIs and a failed IVF… I’m still sitting here wondering if I’ve suffered enough to not feel guilty for getting pregnant when others still aren’t. I still hurt so much for everyone else.<\/p>\n
All I can really say is that I’m sorry. I know it’s not my fault… but I’m still sorry for every one of you who still are going through it, never knowing if it’s ever going to happen for you. I hope some of you will see me as a success story, as hope, but I know some of you won’t be able to. My blog rss reader still has all the same blogs in it… I’ll still be adding to it… and I’ll still be reading to cheer you on and lend a shoulder.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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