I walked in the house when I got home and Den walked over to me and gave me a giant hug. I just started crying (I hadn’t until then – I had remained suspended in a state of disbelief\/shock). For a little bit I thought it was just him comforting me… but then I realized some of it was him needing comfort too.<\/p>\n
I asked him how he knew, he specifically told me not to wake him up to tell him what the result was – and I hadn’t. (I fell back asleep after testing, woke up late to get my blood drawn.) He said he got up and the pregnancy test wasn’t sitting out, that if it was positive it would have been sitting out somewhere. So he looked in the trash. Said soon as he saw it there he didn’t even need to turn it over to know that it was negative.<\/p>\n
We both sat together on the couch for a few minutes before he left for his appointment. He’s coming back shortly and we’ll be going out… to get new tires on the truck, go out for lunch, maybe go to the kitchen showroom to pick out some new kitchen cupboards. Because, shopping is the cure-all. It was supposed to be shopping for baby things, but… well. I guess kitchen cupboard will do.<\/p>\n
At times like this…. I really wonder why we bother. It just feels like one more negative added to the pile – and this month was supposed to be SO different. God, we had our miracle embryos! Not just one that hung on to transfer, but TWO! I was so sure ONE of them would stick. I just can’t help wondering WHY they didn’t. Was it something I did wrong? Did my lifting at work knock them loose? Does my body just not want to make a baby?<\/p>\n
I just feel so empty inside.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I walked in the house when I got home and Den walked over to me and gave me a giant hug. I just started crying (I hadn’t until then – I had remained suspended in a state of disbelief\/shock). For a little bit I thought it was just him comforting me… but then I realized […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":71,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[],"tags":[34,7],"class_list":["post-688","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","tag-ivf1","tag-thoughts-and-emotions"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/688","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/71"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=688"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/688\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=688"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=688"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=688"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}