{"id":636,"date":"2007-05-09T01:42:22","date_gmt":"2007-05-09T05:42:22","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/ttc\/?p=636"},"modified":"2008-06-30T22:30:34","modified_gmt":"2008-07-01T02:30:34","slug":"doubt-and-frustrations","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/?p=636","title":{"rendered":"Doubt and Frustrations"},"content":{"rendered":"

I feel like crying tonight. Having a baby was supposed to be my goal, my focus… or rather, the baby was. I fully intended to be a full-time mommy – still do.<\/p>\n

But where does that leave me now? A part-time job that doesn’t make much and a web design business that’s bringing in far less. And no focus. No passion. Hobbies, yes. Passions… not really.<\/p>\n

I don’t have a career. I don’t really want a career. But I feel like, in the absense of a baby, I should have one. It’s a heaviness on my chest, like I don’t know what I’m doing with my life. I’m in limbo. I hate limbo.<\/p>\n

I’ve been doing really good lately, emotionally, about the infertility. So well it’s made me wonder. But tonight I just feel this empty ache, like I’m missing something huge… and the horrible thought that I don’t know how else to fill it. What am I going to do with my life if I don’t have kids? Horrible thought, and too early really, but just the thought that I don’t know is upsetting.<\/p>\n

I thought the whole “I don’t know what to do with my life” thing was supposed to be settled by now.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I feel like crying tonight. Having a baby was supposed to be my goal, my focus… or rather, the baby was. I fully intended to be a full-time mommy – still do. But where does that leave me now? A part-time job that doesn’t make much and a web design business that’s bringing in far […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":71,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[],"tags":[34,7],"class_list":["post-636","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","tag-ivf1","tag-thoughts-and-emotions"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/636","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/71"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=636"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/636\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=636"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=636"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=636"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}