I ordered pizza and reactivated my World of Warcraft account. That was Den’s suggestion, the gaming – he thinks I need something to occupy myself, and he’s not wrong.<\/p>\n
I do feel okay today. The pets are all being extra clingy today, except Zeeke who is an assmunch like normal. I went and layed down on the futon in Den’s office for a while, and Zoe curled up against my stomach. I don’t know if she picks up on my moods or not, but she absolutely loves getting attention and I’ve been giving her a lot today. Whatever my mood she’s always my shadow, follows me everywhere. Whatever I’m doing, wherever I am in the house, I can always count on her to be at hand. Currently she’s laying on the floor behind my desk. The cats, too, are being affectionate – napping on my lap, following me around, taking over my desk to “help” me with typing. It really helped me, because the pets make me feel like a mama. I am<\/i> their mama.<\/p>\n
I do feel angry though. Angry that this keeps happening, angry that it feels like I will never<\/i> see two pink lines on a pregnancy test. Maybe angry is to harsh… just frustrated.<\/p>\n
I’m still really fighting to not<\/i> blame myself for any of it. The thoughts creep in – maybe if I’d eaten better, maybe if I hadn’t used my laptop on my lap so much, maybe if I didn’t lift so much at work… but those just don’t affect implantation.<\/p>\n
But I am blaming Den’s sperm for not being able to read a map and find their way to the egg. It’s Den’s and my little joke.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I ordered pizza and reactivated my World of Warcraft account. That was Den’s suggestion, the gaming – he thinks I need something to occupy myself, and he’s not wrong. I do feel okay today. The pets are all being extra clingy today, except Zeeke who is an assmunch like normal. I went and layed down […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":71,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[],"tags":[7],"class_list":["post-438","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","tag-thoughts-and-emotions"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/438","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/71"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=438"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/438\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=438"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=438"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=438"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}