Most of that last blog post was written yesterday. So here’s today, after I’ve been sitting on this knowledge for two days now.<\/p>\n
My mind is a crazy place right now. I’m excited, I’m relieved, I’m scared, I’m bewildered.<\/p>\n
One moment I want to tell everyone, because that’s just what I do, and the next I think, oh gosh, maybe we should just keep it to ourselves for a little while. I’ve never even been in a position to make that decision, as friends and family always knew when we were doing IVF and would politely and hopefully inquire how it was going. It was always such a struggle to get that positive pregnancy test that I would shout it to the world with joy! This time no one<\/i> knows. I called my mom to tell her and she was so shocked she dropped the phone and screamed! Okay, so that part’s kind of fun. Except I’m feeling just as shocked as anyone else – possibly moreso. So we could<\/i> keep it to ourselves. But do we want to? We never have before. Also there’s that pesky little problem of me already feeling sick…<\/p>\n
I have a strong feeling this pregnancy is healthy because I am already feeling nauseated. That was what tipped me off in the first place, and it’s getting stronger. Den remarked that if I hadn’t taken a pregnancy test it wouldn’t have been long before I knew something was up. If I hadn’t had two pregnancies already I probably would have thought I was sick, but it is just too familiar. I keep burping and then breathing through little fingers of nausea. I’m willing to bet that in a week I’ll be heaving over a toilet. Joy! (I mean that both honestly and sarcastically. Feeling sick is great, but also just so yucky.)<\/p>\n
I missed out on all the preamble to pregnancy. I know this is how it normally works for people, but I always had a huge lead-up, all this other stuff<\/i> going on. It’s like I got a “skip three squares” card without anyone telling me. I should feel overwhelmingly grateful for that, but I think I’m a little disappointed. I know that’s nuts. IVF is hard on your mind and hard on your body. I always skate the edge of over-stimming and the two week wait is hell. I know that. But… it was always part of the experience. It just feels so strange<\/i> to have that completely missing.<\/p>\n
On the other hand I’m already starting to remember how hard the first trimester was last time and wishing I could have just not known for another month or so. Yay, I’m pregnant! Now sit and wait for a week to see a nurse for intake, and then another week or two for an ultrasound. No betas this time around, I’m not under the care of anyone. There’s no way to check on what’s going on, no real feeling (other than the nausea – thank goodness for that). And I realize too clearly how common miscarriage is. Not to mention that I’m a tiny bit scared of another ectopic. I’ll feel a lot better once I get an ultrasound and know everything is there, in the right place. But then I’ll have to just wait around until my next ultrasound at first trimester screening at 12 weeks. I remember how hard the first trimester was with Kate, and I know this isn’t going to be easy.<\/p>\n
But I have Kate. For one she’s an excellent diversion, especially since she had a low fever this morning and was absolutely miserable. She wants me to hold her, read books to her, and watch TV with her. Or she just wants to cry and yell at me and she’s not quite sure why. (It was a rough morning.) But also she’s this living reminder that things CAN go right. That first trimester was so so hard and every time I had spotting I thought I was losing her but here she is, running around my house shoving books into my hands and petting the kitties. It’s a lot easier to have trust in this process now that it’s actually been successful for us.<\/p>\n
I definitely don’t have that immediate attachment to this little embryo like I did with Devin and Kate. Shock may have something to do with that. But also, Kate is my whole world and it’s really hard to picture me being pregnant, growing another baby, having<\/i> another baby. My brain isn’t processing that yet. My love for Kate is so huge, how can anything else stand up to that? It will, of course, it will just take time.<\/p>\n
I am feeling so incredibly blessed… by friends and the incredible outpouring of joy and excitement… by my family… and this statistical anomaly that makes us feel like we seriously just won the lottery. This is craziness in the most amazing way.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Most of that last blog post was written yesterday. So here’s today, after I’ve been sitting on this knowledge for two days now. My mind is a crazy place right now. I’m excited, I’m relieved, I’m scared, I’m bewildered. One moment I want to tell everyone, because that’s just what I do, and the next […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":71,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3791","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3791","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/71"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3791"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3791\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3792,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3791\/revisions\/3792"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3791"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3791"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3791"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}