{"id":3782,"date":"2011-09-12T19:36:56","date_gmt":"2011-09-12T23:36:56","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/?p=3782"},"modified":"2011-09-12T19:41:40","modified_gmt":"2011-09-12T23:41:40","slug":"when-life-hands-you-lemons-take-a-pregnancy-test","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/?p=3782","title":{"rendered":"When life hands you lemons, take a pregnancy test"},"content":{"rendered":"

I really hate that feeling when I’m nearing the end of a cycle and my mind starts getting a little out of control. As many times as I have done this I still sometimes find myself thinking about what it would be like to get a positive pregnancy test, to tell people, to be surprised. It irritates the hell out of me that I can’t turn that part of my brain off. This month was a giant mess, anyways; I have no idea when I ovulated, if I even did. Normally I can pinpoint it to the day, if not the hour – without any fancy tests. My body tells me. This time, not so much. I know I had a long fertile period, that’s all I know. Last month I took soy isoflavone pills. It’s supposed to act on your estrogen levels, kind of like clomid. I took it days 5-9 last month and felt like SHIT from day 5 until my period arrived. I was bloated, I was cranky, I was just not a happy person. I didn’t take them again this month but I still was feeling my ovaries and I was worrying that I’d gotten some cysts or something. Which would be just awesome.<\/p>\n

Now Kate’s sick, I’m feeling slightly queasy, and my mind is going places I’d really rather it not. So just to shut it up I pulled out one of my old boxes of pregnancy tests. They’re expired, but whatever. So it’s negative, of course, although if I cross my eyes and squint I can sort of see an indent where the line should<\/i> be. In the trash it goes. At least I can let it go.<\/p>\n

I have a habit of pulling them back out of the trash, which I did about 15 minutes later. And there’s something there. A faint, faint shadow. Oh fucking hell, an evap? Really? I berated myself for using an expired test and looking at it again well after the 10 minute mark. There’s a reason they say not to do that, and clearly this is it. But my mind is working all night and I couldn’t sleep.<\/p>\n

I bought a new box of tests to use to set my mind at ease. First thing in the morning I use one and wait for it to come up negative. Except there’s a faint fucking line<\/i>. I just stood there, tilting it in the light. I’m not crazy. There’s something there. It’s so so faint. But I’ve had a lot of negative tests in my life… and this was not negative.<\/p>\n

I shot an email to my best friend describing the situation and a big “WHAT THE FUCK?!”<\/p>\n

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I still don’t even know what to say or think or do. It’s been all day and I’ve just been walking around with that thing in my purse. I feel entirely unprepared for this. I was all set for my FET in December, IVF in January if that didn’t work. I was excited about it. I liked the timing of a fall baby. It was all good. This? This is entirely outside of my realm of understanding. Of all the things in the world to expect, I would expect our house to get hit by LIGHTNING before I expected to get pregnant. I take tests just to prove I’m not pregnant so I can go back to sleep. I am gobsmacked.<\/p>\n

I have to admit, there is a part of me that did not WANT to ever get pregnant on my own simply because oh I know what people will say. “I told you to just relax!” I don’t know how I’m going to avoid shouting at people. I said over and over and over again how big our problems were, how IVF was needed, how I’d never get pregnant. “I knew a person who had a baby and got pregnant right away!” I do NOT want to be that person<\/i>… I don’t want people to think that infertility isn’t very much real.<\/p>\n

I think this is a case of the incredibly small odds finally<\/i> landing in our favor. The soy probably helped, too.<\/p>\n

I don’t want it to sound like I’m not happy – I am. This is insanely amazing. If this actually develops and becomes a healthy pregnancy with a healthy baby I will be absolutely thrilled<\/i>. But right now I’m still working on picking my jaw up off the floor.<\/p>\n

::<\/p>\n

Monday morning: another test, another – darker – line.<\/p>\n

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Hooolllyyy shiiiiiit.<\/p>\n

Judging by when I might have ovulated and how light the tests are I think I’m only about 4 weeks right now, which would put my due date right on Kate’s birthday, May 22. I’ll have to convince them to do a dating ultrasound though because I most definitely ovulated like a week or two late. I’ve never not known exactly when I ovulated… it’s so bizarre. I feel so unprepared for this!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I really hate that feeling when I’m nearing the end of a cycle and my mind starts getting a little out of control. As many times as I have done this I still sometimes find myself thinking about what it would be like to get a positive pregnancy test, to tell people, to be surprised. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":71,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3782","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3782","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/71"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3782"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3782\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3790,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3782\/revisions\/3790"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3782"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3782"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3782"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}