Sometimes a break is just what I need. I was just so frustrated this weekend, heightened by the fact that Den was home and yet unable to really help – I’m the only one who can put her to sleep on her bed. Today was my work day, I put her down for her morning nap and left. Turns out she slept 1 1\/2 hours for that nap, and then in the afternoon layed down on\/with Den in her room and slept for 2 hours. He couldn’t put her down, but she slept<\/i>. Just the two naps today, and she went down for bed at 9pm, peacefully and easily, and didn’t wake up for an hour and a half. Considering the hell the last week has been in the evening this was such a huge lovely thing! (Guess she is ready to drop a nap – but her sleeping 2 hours is a rare thing.)<\/p>\n
I came home from work to find a happy, well-rested baby. I gave her some dinner while I ate mine, then we took a bath together. I haven’t done that in a while; I like to have my shower in the morning, which is when I used to bathe her too, but since starting solids she needs an evening bath. She sits well enough on her own that I’ve just been doing the “traditional” thing and sitting outside the tub washing her. Today I really needed a shower so she sat in the tub playing with her tubby toys while I showered – she even crawled between my legs, which seemed funny to me because she was getting drenched but didn’t seem to mind! When I was done I soaped her up and rinsed her off, then I filled the tub up so we could sit and play. I forgot how much fun it was! She doesn’t keep trying to climb out when I’m in there with her. Plus I can fill it up higher, since I’m there for balance and support (when it’s deeper she tips over much more easily!). She played with her little tubby toys for a while. Then for the first time I let her float in the water with her ears submerged, supporting her head so that her mouth, nose and eyes were out of the water. She just layed there very peacefully, gently flexing her feet and moving her hands as she made sounds. She hummed and “aahhhhh”d, letting out a couple of screeches just to pause and listen. I remember doing that as a little kid, listening to how funny I sounded in my head with the water all around. When she was done playing she pulled up on me and rested her head on my shoulder, both of us all warm and wet from the bath.<\/p>\n
Later, when she was tired, I layed down to nurse her and then cuddled her as she fell asleep. She dropped off easily and slept for an hour and a half. I went in without any expectations of her sleeping or not, and after humming with me for a little while she fell back asleep. I just layed there for a long while, smelling her hair and soft little baby breath, arms wrapped around her. It was then that I realized that my work day did wonders in re-setting my brain.<\/p>\n
It’s funny in a way how we all get so caught up in what we’re doing that their needs can feel like an imposition. It’s hard not to feel frustration when she’s interrupted something for the third time when she’s supposed to be sleeping, especially when I’m tired and just need a break. But at the same time, do I really need<\/i> to clean out the sink or finish that show? Life is easier when I let go – when I focus on what’s really important. She needs me. There will come a day when she doesn’t (or at least doesn’t think she does), when I wish I could hold her as she falls asleep.<\/p>\n
It’s impossible to put motherhood into words. A lot of people I talk to speak of motherhood as exhaustion, demands, responsibility. I say it’s joy… the kind of joy I couldn’t even imagine. Holding Kate in the dark, her little hand flexing against my arm, I know that I would trade everything for this moment. All the heartache and pain of the past 5 years, I would do it again to get to this very moment with my daughter.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Sometimes a break is just what I need. I was just so frustrated this weekend, heightened by the fact that Den was home and yet unable to really help – I’m the only one who can put her to sleep on her bed. Today was my work day, I put her down for her morning […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":71,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3424","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3424","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/71"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3424"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3424\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3427,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3424\/revisions\/3427"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3424"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3424"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3424"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}