I am pretty certain at this point that Kate has another (or the same?) ear infection. She had those few really bad nights where she just wouldn’t lay down – but they were interspersed with good nights so I thought it was situational. In the last couple of days, however, I’m noticing more behaviors that are just “off.” She’s fidgeting at night. She’s waking up crying instead of smiling. She’s crying when I change her diaper. All of those could be totally normal for other babies, but it’s just not normal for her. Something’s just not right… if it’s not an ear infection then possibly teething, or maybe “just a stage”… but I really want the doctor to check her ears. She has an appointment in a couple of hours.<\/p>\n
It’s hard when you think there might be something more going on but are not totally sure. It screws up all the patterns you’ve gotten used to, and really makes your brain start going in ten different directions. Last night Den was watching Kate while I was out for a couple of hours and I came home to an utter disaster of a crying, overtired, refusing-to-sleep-for-daddy baby. So is that something that we need to work on, her not sleeping for daddy? Or was that because she’s miserable and fighting sleep because of the ears? She’s been crankier during the day so I start thinking maybe I need to actively put her down for naps on the bed and not go out so much… but is the cranky because of changing needs for naps, or the ears? I’ve pretty much written this week off and will have to make decisions and observations next week.<\/p>\n
I also find myself feeling a little bit upset about the ear infection thing, and not just because she’s miserable and I don’t like seeing my baby cry. I’m angry that this little illness has messed up the past month. She is only this age once and I want to see my happy baby again, this isn’t who she normally is. So I feel like I’ve missed out on an entire week – more than that, this has been screwing around for the past month. It’s ridiculous, but I almost want to cry.<\/p>\n
::<\/p>\n
Den and I have talked it over and have decided that I am going back to school.<\/p>\n
I have a Bachelor’s Degree in Computer Information Systems (basically computer programming) and I’ve always kind of had on my long-term view getting some fancy job as a programmer. And yet I always found myself making excuses, reasons why I couldn’t get a job, why I didn’t bother looking. I did freelancing here and there with web design and realized that’s definitely not for me either. I do love to program. I love code, I love details, I love problem-solving. But…<\/p>\n
I find myself being pulled in a different direction. These past five years have been all about infertility, pregnancy, breastfeeding, babies. I researched the hell out of all of these things, submerged myself in them. But more than that, I enjoy<\/i> it. I am passionate about it. I could talk for hours about IVF and pregnancy – and not just the emotional patient aspect, but the medical details aspect. One of the sessions at the conference I am going to (in November! Yay!) is all about what happens in the IVF lab. I read that and squealed with delight. Oh! So exciting! So interesting!<\/p>\n
Den has been gently encouraging me to follow this path, these interests, by taking courses in Biology. I resisted at first because, seriously? Biology?<\/i> In high school when asked what my favorite classes were I could list off a bunch: Computers, Math, Physics, even Chemistry. Most disliked class? Biology, straight-up. I hated that class. Dissecting something? Oh my god no; I sat in the hall and cried while my lab partner did it. There was a lot of memorization (which I hate). Basically it was the furthest thing from my interests as could possibly be. I loved code, numbers, math.<\/p>\n
It’s kind of strange to realize that I never ever would have chosen this path, found this passion, if it weren’t for everything we have gone through in the last five years. Our struggles have changed my life path in ways far beyond the obvious.<\/p>\n
So now I’ve been accepted to the local college and I’m planning to take a 100-level biology class starting in January. We can’t afford more than one class a semester right now, and it will have to be an evening class so that Den can watch Kate while I’m in class, but I will be going back to school. I’m really excited. I loved college. I love getting new notebooks and organizing information and learning. I love taking on something new, especially a challenge to break down and tackle.<\/p>\n
I’m still not 100% sure that this is what I want to do with the rest of my life, but over the next couple of years I’ll take some classes and see how it “fits” on me. With a biology degree I could work in embryology as a lab tech, or as a researcher, or… who knows what else is out there. Maybe this is what I’ve been waiting for.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I am pretty certain at this point that Kate has another (or the same?) ear infection. She had those few really bad nights where she just wouldn’t lay down – but they were interspersed with good nights so I thought it was situational. In the last couple of days, however, I’m noticing more behaviors that […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":71,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[493,494],"class_list":["post-3161","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-college","tag-ear-infection"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3161","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/71"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3161"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3161\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3162,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3161\/revisions\/3162"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3161"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3161"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3161"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}