I made a mistake last week. All this time I have avoided reading anything in this blog back from the time I was pregnant with Devin, but I keep wondering how accurate my memory really is. When I start thinking, “Devin never did this!” and “I think Devin was positioned in this way…” I wish I had something easy to refer back to. So one night I just wanted to see. So I flipped back to February 2008 – far enough, I thought, to avoid that first week of March, to avoid any mention of the strange things that week before he died. Well I was wrong. I landed smack dab on a post about how much his movements had changed, how big he must be getting. So clueless, so naive. I stopped reading. I can’t go there right now. And it’s not out of concern for Kate – it’s guilt. Guilt that I should have gone in, guilt that I should have known better, guilt that somehow I should have figured out that he wasn’t okay in there. No matter what I rationally know, no matter what people tell me that it wouldn’t have made a difference, I will never get away from that guilt.<\/p>\n
Kate is clearly demonstrating that babies do not suddenly stop moving at 35 weeks. In fact she has me completely amazed every night that she can be that<\/i> active in there. Every night she does her octopus dance, legs kicking in rapid succession on one side of my belly while her fists punch me down below. I’m trying to spend more time sitting at my desk leaning forward, rather than in bed leaning back, because I’m pretty certain she’s anterior right now (sunny side up) judging by how her feet move all over my belly. Well she doesn’t like me slouching in the least – she never has, but now she pushes against my ribs when I do it. She’s not under my ribs – my uterus is still just below my ribcage, for the most part – but when she kicks upward she likes to push her foot out on the outside of my ribs, a big lump sticking out. At least I can put my hand there and hold her down so it’s not too uncomfortable!<\/p>\n
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I interviewed a Pediatric practice today. They are a larger practice with long hours and available sick appointments, even walk-in hours every morning. They are also very close by, which is great. Their attitude is very pro-breastfeeding, though they don’t have a Lactation Consultant on staff yet (they recommend the LCs at the hospital and LLL of course). I told him I plan to breastfeed for at least a year and he said, “Great!” The downside – which I expected – was of course they are very pro-vaccination. Which would be a huge problem if I wasn’t planning to vaccinate at all, but for the most part all I want to do is delay some and space them out, which he said they would certainly work with us about. It just bothered me that when I mentioned it he kind of gave me a, “Oh… what have you been reading?” Just the attitude of… sigh, another one of those. But I get that attitude from our vets all the time so I’m used to it. At least I have one more thing checked off my list.<\/p>\n
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