I think that 33 weeks was about my magic mark, me starting to hit that wall. Oh I haven’t hit it yet, but I can tell I’m getting closer. The whole past week I’ve been feeling increasingly pregnant: my lower back, and the exhaustion.<\/p>\n
I slowed down. It’s obvious my ligaments are really loosening up, as my lower back keeps popping back into place. Last week it was every once in a while; this week it’s every time I stand up at work. Sometimes I have to squeeze my butt muscles and lean back a little to get it to audibly pop back. I even went to the chiropractor after 2 weeks (instead of my routine 4) in the hopes that would fix it. Days when I sit too long at a stretch, like during longer drives, I start getting an achy tingle down my left leg – definitely something pressing on a nerve. Well it helped, but it didn’t fix it. Things are just shifting and I’m going to have to stay on top of it. I’m going to have to start doing some pelvic rocks and other gentle stretches to make sure everything stays in alignment.<\/p>\n
And the exhaustion… well, there’s two reasons for that. One is that I’m pregnant, working, and then coming home to help Den with the small house fix-ups we are trying to get done. All I do is hold things steady for him, get the screwdriver, sweep up the mess… but I feel like I just lifted everything myself. I was sitting down on the floor to watch him and every time I’d have to stand up again felt like I was lifting a bowling ball. Which, okay, is close to the truth – I’m carrying an extra 24lbs on my body and it’s not exactly evenly distributed. It’s not like I get stuck on the floor or anything, but it’s taking some extra effort to push myself up, if you know what I mean.<\/p>\n
The other reason is the crappy-ass sleep I’ve been getting the last few nights. And it’s not<\/i> because I’m sore or uncomfortable – after adjusting the position\/type\/number of pillows around me I’ve stopped getting that hip pain at night. But instead I’m suffering from plentiful, restless dreams, frequent night-wakings, and insomnia. The combination really sucks. It’s like I’m just not sinking deep enough into sleep anymore, I wake up all the time and then I can’t fall back asleep. Why I’m not tired at 3am is really a puzzle to me because I am exhausted during the day! I really wish I could curl up and take a nap, but unfortunately I have to work. I know this sleep thing is a very common problem and I’m lucky to have been having no problems up until this point.<\/p>\n
Beyond that there’s really not many complaints I can make. I feel like at this point with Devin I was more uncomfortable – I remember crying one day because my legs ached so bad. I keep thinking about reading my journal to see, but I still haven’t done so. Especially that last week before we found out he died, it hurts me to read it, knowing what comes next. And right now I really don’t want to dwell on the loss – I’ll get myself too freaked out about this pregnancy. It’s one of those things that was fine with before, and I’ll deal with again later, but right now I just really need to block it out. In conversation Den and I both kind of slide around the topic of Devin’s death out of some unspoken understanding between us. We talk a lot about his pregnancy, we make comparisons, we remember fondly… but the moment something comes up about how he died, why he died, what it was like when he died… we both fall silent, memories rushing back, and I put my hand on my belly to reassure myself that all is okay this time.<\/p>\n
There are many reasons I look forward to the next month. Up until now my experience of pregnancy stopped at 35 weeks 5 days. I was days away from being able to say, “4 weeks left!” I never got to find out what it was like to count down to the end, to really get miserable, to actually reach the end. My pregnancy just got… cut off. I wasn’t done yet. So now… now I eagerly look forward. This is a gift, a second chance. And even though it means I’m going to get very sore, very tired, and possibly very miserable… I look forward to every day of it.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I think that 33 weeks was about my magic mark, me starting to hit that wall. Oh I haven’t hit it yet, but I can tell I’m getting closer. The whole past week I’ve been feeling increasingly pregnant: my lower back, and the exhaustion. I slowed down. It’s obvious my ligaments are really loosening up, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":71,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2848","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2848","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/71"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2848"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2848\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2849,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2848\/revisions\/2849"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2848"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2848"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2848"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}