[5w0d]<\/p>\n
I am 5 weeks today. I give a (very small) sigh of relief and thanks. One week without bleeding. One week without anything catastrophic.<\/p>\n
Today the nausea really settled in – no puking yet, but I was wavering at the edge all day, stomach gurgling, my gag reflex triggering. I just tried to breathe deeply and settle the stomach. I don’t want to take any meds or anything yet, because I like feeling it… I like the reassurance. It feels normal, it feels… pregnant. I’m happy with that.<\/p>\n
Unfortunately I drank some gingerale this afternoon thinking it might quell the nausea. I’m not even sure if it did or not, since I was distracted by the wicked stomachache it gave me – I should know better than to drink anything carbonated!<\/p>\n
My legs were aching today. Now I remember aching legs and knees from my third trimester with Devin, I had some awful days. But now? What is with that? It didn’t matter how I sat – properly at a desk, with my legs crossed, with my knees pulled up… achy achy. I’m now on my recliner in the hope that gets the blood flow circulating. (And no, I don’t currently have the option of taking a bath. I am so, so looking forward to getting our new heating system installed, for that reason alone!)<\/p>\n
I’m still very jumpy, but calming down a little bit. Surprizingly, being a part of an online pregnancy group is helping a lot. I know for many after infertility and\/or loss joining one of those due date groups can be a very hard thing to do. Yes, it can definitely be hard seeing so many who got pregnant easily, who are on their third, fourth child. But today I realized that I am feeling very soothed hearing everyone talk about the same symptoms, the same fears that I have, especially those who have had losses (of which there are many more than I expected). I keep telling myself, I have just as good a chance at having a live baby as any one of them. I feel good. I had positive pregnancy tests. I had good betas. I’m in the same boat as all of the rest of them. What’s different is my history – it affects my state of mind, but doesn’t affect my future.<\/p>\n
Now that I am pregnant, now that I’ve reached this long-awaited milestone, suddenly I’m faced with the realization that this is going to be a lot harder than I expected. Just like with cycling, I just want to jump to the end and know that everything is going to be okay. I’ve done this before – it was fun, I enjoyed it. I’m ready to move on now. I’m ready to bring home the baby. I’m ready to stop living in constant fear and anxiety and never knowing if my heart will survive this trip.<\/p>\n
I look at babies and children in strollers on the street and wonder how the hell it ever even happens. There is just so much that can go wrong, so many losses, so many defects, so many accidents. And you and I, we’re here. Somehow we exist. The more I learn, the less I understand.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
[5w0d] I am 5 weeks today. I give a (very small) sigh of relief and thanks. One week without bleeding. One week without anything catastrophic. Today the nausea really settled in – no puking yet, but I was wavering at the edge all day, stomach gurgling, my gag reflex triggering. I just tried to breathe […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":71,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[326,327,109,310,205,116],"class_list":["post-2347","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-comfort","tag-due-date-groups","tag-fear","tag-pregnancy-2","tag-support","tag-symptoms"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2347","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/71"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2347"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2347\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2350,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2347\/revisions\/2350"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2347"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2347"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2347"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}