![\"first-purchase\"](\"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/09\/first-purchase.jpg\" "\\"first-purchase\\"")
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"[4w5d]<\/p>\n
I apologise in advance. My whole moodiness thing is not getting better, and I have no idea what’s wrong with me (besides the obvious HORMONES). All day I just feel like I’m teetering on the edge of either bursting into tears or screaming. I keep rubbing my head and muttering, this is not you<\/i>, but alas I am still an emotional whackadoodle. This did not happen when I was pregnant with Devin. Yes, I yelled at Den a lot in my third trimester, but that was because the house was a disaster and nothing was going to be finished in time. This time I am simply immediately and irrationally a crazy person.<\/p>\n
I went to the mall today, which was an experience in and of itself. Being only 4 weeks pregnant, I have not yet moved past the stage where I glare at pregnant bellies as they saunter apologetically past. It takes me a few moments to realize that I too am pregnant – but even then I still have the jealousy thing going on, because they are obviously well into their second and third trimesters, and I’m only just barely pregnant with so much still to get through before I can exhale.<\/p>\n
I went into Motherhood Maternity for the first time since I was largely pregnant with Devin. The jeans prices actually weren’t that bad, but alas the full belly panel definitely doesn’t work for me yet – not when I’m still trying not to broadcast to the world that I am pregnant. The big huge belly panel kind of gives it away. But I’ll be looking forward to going back later, when I actually have some form of belly.<\/p>\n
I am happy to see that this year’s fashion in general is long shirts, so it appears that I probably won’t need to buy maternity tops, unless I so choose to. I was flipping through my belly pics with Devin and saw that I wore my non-maternity clothes right up and into the third trimester, and the only reason I had to stop was that they were too short. Stretchy, long sweaters should do me just fine.<\/p>\n
And then I walked down to BabyGap. It was my intention all day to go in there, to finally get to buy something for myself again, to give in just this once. I walked in with a smile of contentment on my face, knowing what is inside me. But as I took steps further into the store my smile faded and the tears threatened at my eyes. This is not my first time shopping for baby clothes, hopeful and giddy and excited – I have been here before. I stood in this store once before, holding the tiny baby onesies in my hands and imagining how my baby would wear them one day. He never did. It was this odd overlay of present and past, where memories of the past jump up and color your vision, reminding you that they will always be there. And yet I was still happy. I bought something for this<\/i> baby. I have hope once again. But still, I sniffled the whole way through and almost cried when I left, sitting on a bench in the mall. I should have expected it, but I didn’t. I don’t think of Devin like that very often, don’t have that grief sitting on my shoulders much anymore. But in that space, where past and present melded, it all just came flooding back. I have a feeling it is going to happen often in the next year.<\/p>\n
Here is the first thing I bought for this baby. (Which Den has informed me the baby will NOT be wearing if it turns out to be a boy, as it has PINK on it!)<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
[4w5d] I apologise in advance. My whole moodiness thing is not getting better, and I have no idea what’s wrong with me (besides the obvious HORMONES). All day I just feel like I’m teetering on the edge of either bursting into tears or screaming. I keep rubbing my head and muttering, this is not you, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":71,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[321,144,310,322],"class_list":["post-2327","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-baby-clothes","tag-grief","tag-pregnancy-2","tag-shopping"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2327","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/71"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2327"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2327\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2329,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2327\/revisions\/2329"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2327"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2327"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2327"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}