Last night I slept on my right side.<\/p>\n
I have no tube on my right side, but I do on my left. I mean, I know it is probably silly. Most people don’t get ectopics, no matter which way they sleep.<\/p>\n
It just felt better, safer to lay on that side, knowing that the embryo had no hole to fall into.<\/p>\n
::<\/p>\n
Yesterday after transfer Den happened to glance at me as we were walking and said, “You’re waddling.” I looked at him with shifty eyes. Was I? Oh. Yeah. I was. It wasn’t even a concious decision. I was just walking as gingerly as possible, so as not to jostle anything.<\/p>\n
::<\/p>\n
I had intended to go back into work for a little bit yesterday evening. Monday I told my coworker that I am so over the “being careful” and bedrest shit. I shrugged. I just didn’t care.<\/p>\n
And then after transfer I layed in bed with my laptop and sent a quick email to her asking if I could come in tomorrow instead… I was just going to take a nap and lay in bed. Just in case.<\/p>\n
Also, I was falling asleep. I do not recall that from previous transfers, but yesterday I felt like a ton of bricks had hit me. The valium I take before transfer usually makes me loopy and a little sleepy, but yesterday I never got to the loopy stage. I was a little affected, maybe, sorta. Immediately after transfer, while laying in the hospital bed for my 30 minute horizontal time, I closed my eyes and just kind of meditated, Sheepie held in my arms. I thought about how lucky I am that we had an embryo, a live, growing embryo, and that it was safe inside me. But annoyingly I never felt the valium really kick in.<\/p>\n
I got home, ate, took care of some business around the house, and then finally crawled into bed with my laptop to rest. And that’s when it hit me. I was trying to post and send a couple of emails, but it was hard to keep my eyes open. Finally I pushed my laptop to the side and feel deeply asleep.<\/p>\n
Now I don’t know if the exhaustion was a delayed reaction of the valium, or if it was simply a result of all that pent-up anxiety leaving me in a rush, but either way I was exhausted. It felt blissful to fall asleep for a nap.<\/p>\n
::<\/p>\n
Today I was back to my regular routine of work and life this way and that. I feel no different. I keep forgetting that I’m “with embryo.” When I do remember I kind of wish I hadn’t… it’s much easier to go about my day without the thought floating above my head. I wish I could just forget for a week… just wake up one morning and say, “I think I’ll test now.”<\/p>\n
I don’t want to think about babies. I don’t want to think about pregnancy. Thinking about it means letting the hope in, and with it the acceptance of more disappointment. After all these cycles I still haven’t figured out what’s easiest. In the end I don’t think there is an easiest, just good news and bad news. In the meantime I just try to get through each day with enough distraction that hopefully I can let it go for a little while.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Last night I slept on my right side. I have no tube on my right side, but I do on my left. I mean, I know it is probably silly. Most people don’t get ectopics, no matter which way they sleep. It just felt better, safer to lay on that side, knowing that the embryo […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":71,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[],"tags":[178,191,123,188,120,186,190,189,95],"class_list":["post-1986","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","tag-anxiety","tag-embryo","tag-fet2","tag-prevention","tag-tired","tag-transfer","tag-tubes","tag-waddle","tag-work"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1986","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/71"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1986"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1986\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1987,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1986\/revisions\/1987"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1986"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1986"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1986"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}