{"id":1976,"date":"2009-06-08T01:19:35","date_gmt":"2009-06-08T05:19:35","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/?p=1976"},"modified":"2009-06-08T01:19:35","modified_gmt":"2009-06-08T05:19:35","slug":"revised-plans","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/?p=1976","title":{"rendered":"Revised plans"},"content":{"rendered":"

This is a little intro I wrote for somewhere else online. I wanted to post it here too.<\/em><\/p>\n

I have spent the last three and a half years waiting. At first we thought it would be a short wait, so I held off on everything. Then we were neck-deep in treatments, so I couldn’t do anything. Then I got pregnant! It was the blissful wait… with the wrong ending.<\/p>\n

After Devin died I was right back into waiting, but this time I got a job… for a little while, I said. I’ve been at that job for 10 months now. I am not pregnant. I look back at the last ten months and think, thank doG I got something accomplished in that time. At least I was busy, at least I was making money, at least we’re working on the house. It is NOT wasted time.<\/p>\n

Infertility and loss have well and truly fucked up my life plan. I spent a long time being angry about that, and being fretful that I’ll never get it back on track. I hit the pause button on my life and lived in limbo for a long time, convinced that was my only option. After all, I have no idea when I will get pregnant. It could be in two weeks, or 4 months, or a lot longer. Three and a half years ago I never even considered the possibility that it could take over three and a half years. I have learned that nothing goes as planned.<\/p>\n

The longer I wait the more I realize that what I need to do is change around the order of my plans. Until that part of my life starts I will work on the other parts. I am thankful that I got that job. We know my income will stop one day, so we’re throwing all of it into the house while we can. We made a garden, ordered a new front door. This summer we plan to have our hardwood floors refinished, paint the ceilings, replace the kitchen countertop, rebuild the stairs. All the little things we said “we’ll do later,” well we’re doing them now. Because we can. Because we don’t have something else to do.<\/p>\n

In the end it will be very nice to have all these things done before a baby is brought home. Our house will be more finished, more living-friendly. Not that we couldn’t have had a baby in our house before but… it will be nice.<\/p>\n

I used to not make plans because “I’ll probably be pregnant.” Well fuck that. I’m making plans. I’ll happily cancel them if I need to.<\/p>\n

Living without a timeline is really freaking hard for me. But damnit, I’m tired of not living at all. If this is how it has to be, then so be it.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

This is a little intro I wrote for somewhere else online. I wanted to post it here too. I have spent the last three and a half years waiting. At first we thought it would be a short wait, so I held off on everything. Then we were neck-deep in treatments, so I couldn’t do […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":71,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[],"tags":[185,32,128,181],"class_list":["post-1976","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","tag-life","tag-plans","tag-post-miscarriage","tag-waiting"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1976","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/71"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1976"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1976\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1977,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1976\/revisions\/1977"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1976"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1976"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1976"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}