No meltdown yet. I kind of wish it would just happen, as I’m wound really freaking tight and am being a major pain in the ass to poor Den, who I think has taken to tip-toeing around the house. Everything irritates me. It’s like I’m just on sensory overload right now. Maybe I could use one of those fancy padded rooms.<\/p>\n
::<\/p>\n
What I have been through physically in the past several years… I never would have thought I could handle that like I am. But there I am laying in a hospital bed in pre-op, the nurse asking me, “What’s your pain level?” and I think for a minute and say, “A five… ouch! Maybe a six.” “Do you want something for the pain?” “Nah… I’ll be fine as long as I just lay still. Just don’t have me moving around or anything.” In a way I was glad to have something physical to focus on right then.<\/p>\n
I took my bandages off today. The lower ones are very small incisions and will probably give me scars similar to what I had before. The belly button, on the other hand… right now it looks pretty gross. And I totally forgot about the whole belly button sealing shut while healing. Gross!! I stuck another bandaid over it just so I don’t have to look at it. Yuck. I’ll just have to see how it looks after it heals up a bit. Also the other thing I forgot is the pain around the belly button from the gripper things they use. I have two nice little pinpricks that itch, and the entire area around it is red and sore. And itchy.<\/p>\n
::<\/p>\n
I really want to start gardening. I should be used to sitting around doing nothing, since it’s one of my favorite pasttimes… but right now I have nothing to do except think about where I should be right now. I’m not going to be liking weekends for a while.<\/p>\n
It is just so overwhelmingly frustrated to think you’re in a countdown… and then be back in limbo. More months waiting, wondering. Who knows if the next FET in June will work. And if it doesn’t? Then there’s another 2 month process of a stims cycle, which is so freaking stressful for us. And that’s, what, August? Fuck me.<\/p>\n
I can’t say that I will ever be done with this process – I’m too damn stubborn to ever give up. But there are days, oh there are days, when I wonder just how much I can take.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
No meltdown yet. I kind of wish it would just happen, as I’m wound really freaking tight and am being a major pain in the ass to poor Den, who I think has taken to tip-toeing around the house. Everything irritates me. It’s like I’m just on sensory overload right now. Maybe I could use […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":71,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[],"tags":[128],"class_list":["post-1844","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","tag-post-miscarriage"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1844","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/71"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1844"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1844\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1856,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1844\/revisions\/1856"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1844"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1844"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1844"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}